what if the Rose doesn't bloom?

22.Isolation

I felt it and got up and was about to give him my hand but he gestured to stop and stepped on his own.
After a small walk to the couch, he trembled and I couldn't resist myself. I stood but Mark reached him and helped him sit. I sat back trying to stop my eyes going towards his direction again and again to check if he is okay.
What the hell should I do? My eyes were stealing his glances.
But his eyes were stick to the ground. Like he was so shameful and regretful that he couldn't match anyone's eyes.
It must look like we are accusing him for whatever happened lately. But my heart was wrenching down to see him like this. He is innocent afterall. He is, right?
I know his eyes don't lie. He won't betray me.
Not this time.

"I don't know what else I can do to prove myself. It is totally up to you guys, if you want me to send back, I will be fine with it."
He said.
And immediately raised his eyes to me.

"You know the seriousness of the situation, James. We don't even trust each other. But I think it should be left on Rose to decide."

But I wasn't listening to them. Nothing was audible to me. I was in my thoughts. Poppy tapped on my knee.
"Rose!"

"Ya, what?" I looked at her.

"James should stay?" Poppy asked.

"Is he staying?" I mistook it as a statement and reacted with a little bliss.

"You must tell." She said.
I looked at James.
And then our eyes locked on each other.
His eyes were questioning me but they held the tenderness.

"We'll let him stay. At least till he recovers."
I looked away. He looked down.
I was about to stand.

"I don't want it to be on the behalf of my inability. " He again looked up to me with his eyebrows a little tightened.

"Maybe I am just returning favors. So, you're my responsibility, for now."
I stood and went to the room. I locked the room and pressed my hands over my mouth to minimize the sound of me sobbing uncontrollably.
My heart couldn't take it anymore.
When this parallel situation occurs while I am running away from him but at the same moment I want him only to knock at the door and comfort me with that hug.

"Knock knock"
I was going to open the door immediately but my hands stopped holding the lock.
I wiped my tears and then opened the door.

"Let me come in."
Poppy tried to push the door.
My eyes were dry but she knew I was holding a storm inside. She didn't ask me anything just said,

"Believe in yourself."

I guess I knew what she was trying to say.

"Can you do me a favor?" I asked poppy.
She surprisingly looked at me.

"What's that?" She asked.

"Can you do the convo that I wanted to have with James? Can you ask him where he got invol--ved, nevermind. Nothing. I'll do it."
I was so confused but then thought to talk to him.

I went out and didn't find him. It was already dark. I asked Mark. He pointed towards the backyard.

I saw him sitting on the bench.
I slowly walked near with every step screaming his name inside my head.
Finally, I sat beside.

"Sky is dark yet so pretty. The stars, the moon, those soft clouds,everything. " he said looking at the sky.

"It is pretty from far. But maybe it is just
Infinite space and unsafe, the more we get near to it."
He looked at me.

"Then these kind of pretty things must stay away. So we can admire them."

The moment he said this. I felt shattered. My arms were seeking for his arms.
I controlled myself.