𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚎 ; ᴬˡˡ ᵒᶠ ᵁˢ ᴬʳᵉ ᴰᵉᵃᵈ

000.5.

When I was younger, I simply couldn't fathom the idea of breaking a promise.

A promise is said to be a big deal, so it must give you bad luck, some type of curse, or even kill you once it's broken.

Right?

"What if I break one?"

"Let's not find out, okay?"

"Okay! I swear to always keep my promises!

I was corrected real quick.

"We love you so much," he said.

And she followed with, "We'll never leave you behind."

"Promise?"

"We promise."

...

They were gone the next day.

Funny. It's always the people close to you.

They didn't get in trouble for lying.

Well, they did. I just didn't know that, though.

So, it is okay to make false promises?

What an odd mindset to have as a six year old.

Still, I kept on making promises with others. I always prayed for them to keep them.

For them to not leave me like all the other times; disappointed.

They did.

Eventually, I learnt from my mistakes.

Or more like I outgrew my childish and blissful ignorance.

Promises just exist to give us comfort.

Why do we lie to each other?

Lie after lie after lie.

I didn't realize it, but it changed me.

I stopped with trying to stay truthful. Even to myself.

Before I knew it, I turned into who I hated most.

But maybe I'm not such a bad person, I thought. I'm giving others the sense of security they yearn for.

False or not, if it helps them sleep better at night, then I must be doing something right.

That didn't stop it from hurting every single time.

I mean, I originally tried to keep high morals.

"How could they do that?"

"Don't worry. I'll never be like them."

But, I don't know, I just wasn't good at it.

It's hard to remember them when you don't plan on following through, anyway.

If I don't, will they?

The answer is yes.

They all remembered except me.

As soon as I give up on it, everyone suddenly develops principles.

I laid on a grassy field. "Maybe I am the bad person here.

What's wrong with me?"

It is hard to believe in promises when your first memory of one is more than unpleasant.

That's never stopped anyone, though.

I kept trying.

I kept saying lie after lie after lie.

Of course, they weren't meant to be lies. Not at all.

No matter how hard I tried, and still continue to try, I can't get it right.

I hate myself.

However, there are two promises I've managed to keep.

Only two.

If they break, there's nothing left for me.

I hope I can keep them this time.

I will, even if it's the last thing I do.

But,

after all,

you reap what you sow.