After graduation, we had prom. Fuck, I didn't want to go there. Heck, I didn't like socializing anyways. But I had to go, at least I had to for my boyfriend. Sarah, my best friend and I went together. We would be meeting my boyfriend there.
"I just can't believe that this is the last day we all will be meeting each other, then we move onto Uni..." Sarah said looking down.
"Sarah, I don't want to be reminded of that." I replied, biting my lip.I couldn't stand thinking that me and my love are actually going to be apart for the next few years. I'm going to Montreal, to run away from home. I couldn't stand it here. While my boyfriend, will be running off to Downtown Toronto.
"I'm sorry Lizzy. I didn't mean it." Sarah woke me out of my thoughts. I can see that she really didn't mean it.
"It's fine..." I say looking down. "But hey, this is going to be the best night of our lives! This is the night that you and Zack can spend the last time together! You guys won't be meeting until Uni is over for you." Sarah says looking at me smiling. I smile back, enough to make her agree to the fact that I'm not scared. But the truth is, I am actually scared. I can't stand leaving him for a few years.
Finally we got there. When we went inside the school, we can see Zack and some friends waiting for us. "uhh Lizzy, go ahead and spend time with Zack. The others and I are going to stay in a corner and talk, like usual." Sarah said laughing and running off. What the fuck? I thought to myself. Zack came over and all of a sudden, I can feel my cheecks burning red. Even if we have spent 3 years together, I still blush every time he comes up to me. Yes, I'm a tomato, or potato. Either one will work.
"Lizzy, I need to talk to you." he says in a serious tone. I was curious so we went outside to the back. Where no one was there.
Now the thing that Sarah and Zack only know is that, I'm well depressed. I cut to make the pain go away. They don't like the fact. They're helpig me stop but I just can't. I feel like dying every day. Zack deserves better than me. I kept thinking that while we went to the back of the school. He grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes.
"I want you to stay. You have so much to live for. I can't stand seeing you hurt." he says to me not letting go.
"Will you stay?". I kept thinking. I can't stay, I'm a horrible person who deserves to die. He deserves way better than me.
"We can work things out. You'll love out to Montreal and once I'm done Uni, I will come there. We both will be happy together." He says smiling. I smiled back, but this wasn't real. I can't stand this. "So will you stay?" He said looking me in the eyes again. I didn't answer, just looked at him. Then out of the blue, Zack pulled me closer and he kissed me. We kissed for a very long amount of time. Very close to each other. We haven't kissed like this ever. I can feel it was very long. I kissed back. It's like we never wanted to let go. Then, Zack let go. Looking me back in the eyes. Wow that was...amazing.
"So, what's your answer?" he asked. Oh yeah, that question. "I'll try.." I say looking down and biting my lip."
"No. Oh hell to the no. You're staying wether you like it or not" he said to me making me look back up at him. We were really close to eachother at the moment, as in like really close and I was practically dying because my heart kept beating fucking fast. I was still quiet because I didn't want to ruin the moment so I tried to come up with something that covers what I was actually thinking.
"Don't even try to say I'll try. You've been saying that since forever and I'm not going to let you go. I can actually see a future for us and I'm not letting you go anywhere. Just remember that. You're mine and I'm yours. How would you feel if I died? or killed myself?" That got to me. I couldn't think that. I would be devistated. Heck, I wouldn't be breathing myself! I tried to say something, but nothing would come out of my mouth.
"How would you feel? HOW?" His voice got higher and louder. I can see that he was getting mad. I couldn't see him like this. But my voice was gone. At the same time, he looked so vulnerable like he was getting what he wanted. This was confusing and it was startling me.
"HOW WOULD YOU FEEL LIZZY? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LOVE MAKE LINES ALL OVER THEIR SKIN? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU SEE THEIR CUTS RE OPENING EVERYDAY? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU SEE THEM SUFFERING SLOWLY AND QUIETLY WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE THAT THEY'RE SLOWY DYING?" He yelled at me. I couldn't look him in the eye anymore. I couldn't feel anything for a matter. His voice finally got lower and he said
"How would YOU feel if you could actually see the the light in their eyes fading? How would YOU feel if you woke up one day and saw a message on your phone saying "Goodbye" and her bestfriend tells you that their love tried to kill themself? HOW WOULD YOU FUCKING FEEL?" He asked me so many questions. If I said something, the result would be the same as he felt. I tried to say something.
"I woul-" but he cut me off saying "Lizzy, listen to me. You get all worked up when I get the smallest cuts. Think of how I feel when I see the cuts on your hand? You say that they're not deep and not much but they still count. I see the way you look at sharp object Lizzy. I see the longing. and you know what? It kills me. It kills me to know that I'm not going to be there beside you next year or the next few years. It scares me that you're gonna leave me one way or another." At this point, I was going to cry.
Zack, wasn't shutting up. "I love you Lizzy. Can't you fucking see that? I love YOU. Everything about you and It's killing me inside to know that you think about dying every. single. day." I was gonna say something but he interrupted again
"NO. NOT A WORD. YOU ARE NOT SAYING ANYTHING LIKE 'but it's not everyday' CAUSE I KNOW FOR A FACT LIZZY. It's visible in your eyes." God, I loved him too. But nothing was coming out of my mouth. Zack said in a whisper,
"Please dont leave. Please. We need you and I know for a fact that Sarah is going to break if you were gone. Just think about what I said. Please. PLEASE. Lizzy please." he stopped. I stared at him for a while and I can see that he was breaking. I was going to break too. I can feel myself almost crying. I nodded and smiled.
"I love you." as I said that he suddenly kissed me again. I kissed him back and he pulled me in closer. He let go and said
"Stay" and went back to kissing me again. I know for a fact, from now on, I was never going to let go.
