Yoongi desperatly wanted to fit into Bangtan. He thought he was of no use to the group; he felt he had nothing special to bring to it. There were already two amazing rappers, why need three? Yoongi hated the fact he had such a strong accent and a slight lisp. He wished and wished that he was like Namjoon or Hoseok. He wasn't a great rapper, nor a great dancer, nor was he great in looks. He didn't see the point of his spot in Bangtan.
He always plastered a smile on his face to mask the pain he was feeling. He was always there for his group members. Even if he was struggling with his own problems, he would always push them to the side and focus on the others problems. Everyone in the group was greatful to have such a caring person in their life. He always tried to help them with any problems they had. He was always that shoulder they could cry on or those arms that were always there. He was always so cheerful and happy that they never thought he had his own problems. They thought that he was perfectly happy and content with life. The thought of him being sad or hurt never crossed their minds. It was kind of selfish of them but they never saw any signs of sadness.
Yoongi sighed for the 100th time that night. Its 3am and he's been trying to think of ideas for the groups comeback. His mind was completely blank. Every idea he had was already used or boring. He couldn't just slap something together. He believed that songs needed a message behind hem, messages that told the fans about their lives and hard ships. Yoongi tries his hardest not to scream or rip out his newly dyed pink hair. He throws his hands up in defeat and quietly walks to the kitchen to get a drink. He opens the frigde and blankly stares in it. His mind to occupied with thoughts of what he could use to make a great song or how he could improve his skills. Nothing. He came up with nothing. He slams the frigde door shut and plops down at the table, dropping his head to the surface "Useless" He mumbles to himself over and over again to the point it didn't even sound like an actual word anymore. He began to think that he should have just let Namjoon or Hoseok compose this time. Every time they need something new, Yoongi volunteers. He doesn't want Namjoon or Hoseok to stay up till sun up like he does. He doesn't want them to be stressed out and struggling to figure out what to use.
Yoongi had sat at the table so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice the sun had come up. "Oh, Hyung. When did you wake up?" Jimin asks, rubbing his eyes and walking to the fridge. He snaps out of his thoughts and sees that its already 8am "Oh...Just a little while ago" He lies. He didn't want him or any of the others to know he stayed up all night trying to come up with stuff. They would force him to go to bed. He had no time to sleep. He needs to start writing. Yoongi groans and pulls at his hair remembering that he has completely nothing. Jimin sits down at the table with him, gulping down a cup of milk "Hows the writing going?" Yoongi takes a deep breath and rubs his face with his hands "Its going good" He lies again. He felt horrible for lying. For once he wanted to just break down and tell them that he has no ideas and that he is frustrated with himself for being a horrible composer. It didn't just effect him, it effects the whole group. No ideas, no songs. No songs, no album. No album, no comeback. No comeback, No group. Jimin watches as Yoongi breaks in front of him "I better go get to work" He pats Jimins shoulder as he walks off to the small studio they have in their dorm. Jimins heart breaks into two. He knows Yoongi's lying. He knows he stays up for hours every night trying to compose something good enough for the group to use. He knows Yoongi is emotionally and physically tired and drained. And he can't do anything to help his suffering hyung. "Hyung," Jimin calls out to Namjoon who sleepily walks into the kitchen "Mm?" He plops down in the chair next to Jimin, pouring himself a bowl of cereal "Nevermind"
"Yoongi Hyung" Jungkook bursts into the studio where Yoongi has been locked up in all day. Every 10 minutes someone comes bursting in to ask him a question or to just bother him "Thats it, Get the fuck out." Yoongi burts, shouting at the maknae; drawing everyones attention to him "Now!" Once Jungkook is shoved out of the room, Yoongi locks the door. He's tired of them coming in there and picking themselves apart. If their not insulting their skills, they're insulting their looks or personality.
"Jungkook," Yoongi opens the door. Everyones still stunned at his out burts "Your high notes are perfect. Stop comparing them to Jimins. Y'all have different pitches" He runs his hand through his hair "Jin, Your dancing is just as great as Hoseoks" "Taehyung, Stop worrying about whether or not you're annoying. You aren't. You're great. You have an amazing personality. And your smile is perfect" "Namjoon, You are a great composer. You should be in there instead of me. You're better and always have amazing ideas" "Hoseok, Please don't be so hard on yourself. Its okay to take breaks, its okay to mess up on a dance move" He takes a deep breath "And for fucks sake Jimin, Stop comparing yourself to every goddamn person you see. You're the most attractive person I've ever seen. Your teeth are fine, Your cheeks are chubby but its cute. You're not fat. You're vocals are amazing, You keep comparing yourself to Jungkook and it pisses me off cause you're both amazing singers" Everyone stares at Yoongi in shock. They had never heard him talk or compliment them so much "Now would you guys please leave me alone? I have my own damn problems to deal with, stop piling yours on top. I'm not a fucking therapist thats open 24/7" He slams the door shut and locks it. Everyone else looks at each other dumbfounded. The just witnessed their calm and collected friend begin to fall apart.
Its now 10pm and Yoongi has been locked up in the studio for 9 straight hours, fighting with himself. He's exhausted, upset, and frustrated with himself. He wished he was as talented at dancing as Hoseok, or Jimin, or Jungkook. He wish he had a nice flow when he rapped like Namjoon. He wished he was tall like Jin. He wished his skin wasn't so pale. He wished he could have a great personality like Jungkook. He wish he could be as funny as Taehyung. He wished he was better. He kept picking at himself like a vulchur picking apart their dinner. He was slowly breaking. Tears had been strolling down his cheeks but he never noticed "Hyung" Jimin knocks on the door to the studio "Hyung, Unlock the door" "Go away, Jimin" He pulls his legs into his chest and curls up in the corner of the room. It goes silent so he expected Jimin to have left until he hears the door shut and quiet foot steps shuffle towards him "Jimin, I said go away" He burries his face into his knees "Yoongi...Whats wrong?" He feels a small hand land on his shoulder and a warm body slide down next to him. Yoongi chuckles and looks up at the dim lights "Why would anything be wrong?" Jimins heart clenches when he sees Yoongis tear stained face "I'm Yoongi-The cheerful, problemless hyung...Why would anything ever be wrong?" Yoongi wipes the tears off his cheeks "Hyu-" "Its okay-" "But are you okay?" Yoongi bites his lip and stares at the floor "If I said No, would it make a difference?" He scoffs, his smile fading "I've asked to end my contract" Yoongi replies, sending fear and panic through Jimins veins "What?" "I don't think being an idol is for me. I'm not good enough," Yoongi fiddles with his own fingers "I can't dance as well as You or Jungkook or Hoseok. Namjoon and Hoseok rap better. Taehyung is Taehyung, what can't he do? I can't sing like Jin. I'm too pale. I have an annoying lisp and I'm just not right for the group. I don't offer anything special to it-" "Oh my god, Really?" Jimin raises his voice, his tone becoming angry "You're seriously comparing yourself to everyone else? You're the best rapper I've ever met. You have a great skin tone. Sure you can't sing all that well, but you're a rapper. You don't need to sing. Your lisp is absolutely adorable. Not to forget to mention that you're an amazing producer and composer. You belong in this group. Without you...we wouldn't be the same. We need you...I need you" "Why? I'm just a big bundle of flaws" Jimin hesitates before replying "You see them as flaws but I see them as more things to love" Jimin takes Yoongis face in his hands "I love you, ok? We love you. Please don't leave"
FIN
♡-------------♡
I'VE BEEN WRITING THIS
FOR LIKE 4 DAYS BYE
THIS SUCKS
