Damaged

The end is only the beginning...

That was it! I decided that enough was enough! My life was not worth living anymore. How could it be? I let her down. The tears ran down my face as I plunged my sharpest blade into my fore arm. I had never cut before. But nothing had made me more angry with myself than Tilly's death. Never would I touch her sensitive muzzle again or hear her whinny a greeting to me or fall asleep in her stable and have her warm scent lingering around my nostrils. Never. She was gone and it was all my fault.

I dropped the blade almost instantly as I realised the reality of it all.
I was all alone now. Only with a few fake 'friends' to call my own. That's right! I don't mean anything to them. I'm a shadow, maybe even a ghost to them but they pretend they like my company. But I'm not dumb. I can see right through them. They just felt sorry for me as I'm a failure in life. My family isn't the best either. My dad left my mum when she fell pregnant with me. He didn't care, he ran away because he was a coward. Leaving a first time mum to trial her mothering skills on her only child. Yes, I hate my mum.

As do I hate her new boyfriend, Tom. They don't understand me. They tell me I need to get over what happened with Tilly and that I can have another horse when Mum gets her new job but I don't want another. I want Tilly. Tilly was everything. Nobody was there to see how much she really meant to me. Mum was always too 'busy' or had something come up at work and Tom never wanted anything to do with horses. He thought they were a waste of time and space. I had no siblings either so I was always alone until Tilly arrived.

I peered down at the blade again. This was it. I wanted to die. A very painful death to attempt to understand how much Tilly suffered in her final moments. I pierced my skin again with the blade and chuckled to myself as the blood trickled to the surface, dripping to the floor eventually. I continued as many times as it took but after a while it wasn't punishing anymore it was almost enjoyable. I flung the blade at the wall in frustration before collapsing on the floor, looking up at all the ribbons strung across the room that Tilly had won. As more blood dripped I felt myself slipping. Slipping away to nothing.

Suddenly the floor fell away as did I.
This was it. It really was.
I did it...
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Hey Guys! I hope you liked the first chapter of my new book! It's a bit of a change in my writing style but I wanted to give it a go! For all you peeps out there who relate very well to the scenes in the chapter, please remember someone in the world is waiting for you and if you want to disappear today nothing will be better for anyone... You are important, everyone is, so please be genuinely happy today and make the great effort to smile because you are beautiful no matter what anyone saids....  Love you!
horseychick_xxx