I closed my eyes as the water rolled down my back, it felt amazing after the day I had. My mind wandered as I rubbed shampoo into my dark hair, sighing at the feeling of my hands on my scalp.
The only thing I want to do right now is go to bed, sleep for 12+ hours and forget about the shit day I had today. But no, I have bullshit homework and I have to make dinner for my sister and I.
Although I want nothing more to sleep (or stay in the shower, that would be accepted too) I figure that the faster I'm out of the shower, the faster my night can end.
Sighing, I shut off the water and wrap a green towel around my slender waist. As I pick my dirty clothes off the ground, I meet my eyes in the mirror. They have bags under them, and they're puffy from the lack of sleep I've endured over the last few days. They don't shine like they used to, and my dark skin is paler than I remember. I turn on my heel to leave but as I do, a wave of vertigo washes over me for the third time today, and I fall to my knees with my head in my hand. I should be used to this now, I was diagnosed with vertigo when I was just 9 years old, you'd think at 16 I would be able to control it with my meds... But no. sometimes i wonder if they even help at all. Once it passes and I can stand without falling, I make my way into the kitchen, not bothering to get dressed. Nobody's home but my older sister and I, and I'm covered by a towel anyways. After I've gotten the pizza in the oven and the timer set for 18 minutes, I retreat to my bedroom. Slipping on my underwear, I recall the events from today. I woke at 6:00 am sharp and showered quickly, just barely making it to school by 7:15. My day was going fine at first, my head felt good and my car had no trouble starting up. It was great until second period...
"Good Morning class, today you will be divided into pairs. I will hand out your assignments after you're in your groups. Go!" Ms. J addressed us, rather nicely compared to the usual. "Hey, cal! Wanna be my partner?" Michael smiles big at me. "Of course, idiot. Come over here." Michael had been one of my closest friends and now band mates since year 8. He and I have a lot in common and I'll admit, he's very good to hit on girls with. Not because he's good at it, but because he's terrible at it. Whenever he strikes out, the girls come to me his 'shy friend'.
"Okay, so, I'm thinking for our project we can just do the history on.. why you're such a twat, calum! I need you to focus, this is a big part or our grade and I'm currently six points away from failure." I looked up at him and muttered an apology, I must've spaced out. "Okay, can you go get a text book from the front? I'll start drawing out the diagram." I nodded and got up. I'm not even sure what we're doing. I hadn't taken five steps when it hit me, a wave of dizziness set in so violent it brought me to my knees. I cried out as I hit the ground, "Calum!" Michael screeched, my mind is blank and my world spinning but I just know all my class mates are staring as Michael picks me off the ground and starts walking me to my seat. Ms. Jacks runs over asking Michael questions that I can't quite comprehend as my entire world is doing cartwheels.
"Michael I- everything is spinning, I-" he squeezes my hand tight, showing me that he's here, that nothing is really moving and that if I try hard enough everything will still. And then it does, as quickly as it came on, it's gone. Damn it calum, you caused a scene. Everyone's already looking at me when I look up. Mouths open, eyes wide. "I'm- I... I'm really sorry." I spit out, my words jumbling. "What the fuck happened?" Some girl from the back of the class asks, ms. J doesn't even say anything about her language. Probably because she's thinking the same thing. "Vertigo.. I was dizzy...I..." My stomach fills with anxiety and I'm getting super overwhelmed. Of course I look like a fucking freak in front of all my class mates now. Not that I give a fuck about them but.. still. Nobody wants to be the class freak, I need to get a grip before I loose it. I can feel another wave coming and I know I just know that this one is going to be rough. I have to get out of the classroom. Ripping my shoulder out from under michaels fingers, I grab my backpack off the ground, and the text book of the table. I quickly walk out the room, ignoring the calls from Michael and Ms. J. I've gotta get out of everyone's sight so I can take my meds and sit for a while.
'Please, please, please' I hope to god that I'll make it out of sight before I fall to my knees and look like a complete freak . Finally making it to to the empty courtyard, I sit on the stone steps and a strangled sob falls through my lips as my world turns upside down. I grip the ground with one hand and my head with the other, my eyes are closed tight, and when I crack them open them all I see is my school spinning and turning and making me even dizzier.
My breathing is irregular as I move my hand from my head and reach into my backpack for my medicine. I have trouble opening the bottle but once I do, I take two blue pills and try to focus hard enough to get myself to stop spinning. And then I do, as fast as it came on, it leaves. The school is still, the trees are still, I'm still.
The timer beeps, telling me the pizza is ready to be taken out, I sigh pulling myself off my bed and walking into the kitchen. I put on oven mitts and remove the pizza from the oven, placing it on the counter. I've lost my appetite, I just want to sleep now. "Mali, dinners on the counter!" I yell through her door, "thank you, cal. I'll be out in a few." I nod even though she can't see and walk back into my room. My homework can fuck itself, I need sleep. I'm too stressed out to do anything right now. I turn my light out and as soon as my head hits the pillow, I expect to be asleep. But, of-fucking-course sleep doesn't find me. It's too quiet in here, I can hear my own thoughts too loudly. i sigh deeply. my thoughts feel l like they're suffocating me. I can't continue keeping my grades up, playing sports, sleeping enough, eating enough, and dealing with this vertigo bullshit. If you ask me, whatever I have is not vertigo at all. I can somewhat control when I stop being dizzy, and most of the time the meds do nothing. That doesn't go with the symptoms of vertigo... If it was vertigo I wouldn't be able to control it at all.
15 minutes later, sleep hasn't hit. I decide to sing to myself lowly, maybe hum the tune to a song the boys and I have been working on. My heart rate slows finally, and I start to feel better. I'm at peace as I finally drift to sleep.
A/N: hi guys! I'm Kaylee and yeah this is vertigo. I know that when someone has vertigo they can NOT control when it happens or stops. so anyways I'm p chill so if u wanna talk abut anything just holla at me lmao So yeah, I'm always here if any of you need anything. So until next time, Smile, go shopping, suck a dick, be happy. || kays x
