i thought that being here would drive me insane, however everything's only become more familiar. the white walls aren't as dull as they used to be, the scent of disinfectants and chemicals no longer trigger me to cringe, i've accepted the fact that my leg is gone and i'll have to learn to walk again soon.
luke's a great doctor. it's never busy over here so he always makes time to check up on me and chat. we've become pretty good friends, actually, since the day i told him my history with calum. i promised him i'd buy him a cup of coffee once i'm good to go for all he's done for me.
it's like he seems less of a doctor and more like a person. someone who knows you as you and not as patient #092, like he genuinely cares about more than my health, he cares about me. well, at least i think so. is it weird i think this? probably.
i met someone else in the hospital, he arrived two or three days ago, it was really upsetting. he struck a vein while self harming, and nearly bled out. he seems like such a nice person and he's an overall cheerful guy. i'd never have guessed he was so sad.
he's able to leave his room when he's not being checked on, and he found mine and simply introduced himself. he had a friendly smile but after talking to him he started to let down his facade.
two knocks on the door awaken me from my daydream, i turn off the small tv and avert my eyes towards the door, a boy with curly hair is leaning on the doorframe and looking at me. a smile is present on his face, since he looks friendly i motion for him to come inside, and he takes a seat next to my bed.
"so what happened to you to get in here?" he asked, still not explaining why he wandered into my room.
i lift up the covers surrounding the empty space where my leg used to be, it seems to become part of a usual routine for me. the bandages covering the top of my thigh is visible, so i assume he gets that i lost my leg.
a look of shock and sympathy appear on his face and he folds the covers back down for me. i ask him the same question, and he slightly raises his left forearm, covered in thick bandages.
"this time i went too deep," he says, and i reach my hand out to grab his own.
"why?" i ask, half honestly curious to find out and half scared for the answer.
"i-it's just so much easier to pretend like everything's alright, you know? like, it's better to fake a smile and act like you're happy than to show people how you really feel." his voice sounds so fragile, as if he's going to break at any second now.
"sad." he whispers. "that's who i am. that's who i'll always be."
"listen...-"
"ashton."
"ashton, when you feel like this and don't tell anyone, it'll only get worse. you've kept this bottled up for so long and look how you've taken it out on yourself, you haven't done anything nearly bad enough to deserve this pain you're causing yourself." he looks down, ashamed at his actions.
"don't feel bad about it. we all hit a low point sometime in our lives. i mean, look at us. you've nearly killed yourself and i'm... a pirate now!"
he chuckles at my lame attempt to cheer him up.
"if you feel sad, let it out. cry, scream into a pillow, talk to someone. but don't you ever hurt yourself like this again, you hear me? you are worth so much more than that, ashton." i motion my arms for him to come over.
"now give me a hug, curls." he leans over and wraps his arms around me, squeezing tightly. his embrace is warm and comforting, something i've been longing for. when i expect him to pull away, he doesn't, instead he whispers in my ear a "thank you," and kisses my cheek.
he gets up and leaves the room, not once asking my name.
another knock on the door awakens me from my daydream, this is becoming repetitive.
a familiar dimpled smile walks into the room once again, taking a seat right next to me. he places something in my hands, a green jello cup and a little spoon.
"a little something after your beautiful speech yesterday. they didn't have red so sucks for you, deal with shrek-flavored jello for now." we both giggle at his stupid joke, and i start to peel the wrapper off the top of the cup.
"how come there's only one spoon?" i ask him.
"you want to split it?" i smile, he does the same.
"i can go get another spoon if you'd li-"
"no, we'll take turns. sharing is caring, don't you know?"
i take a bite, before scooping another generous amount and holding it out to ashton's mouth. he eats the jello from my spoon, before giggling again.
"what's so funny?" i ask, giggling with him.
"you're feeding me jello with a spoon. i should be the one feeding you jello with a spoon."
"okay."
"really?"
"hurry up with the jello, giggles."
"shut up, stumpy."
+
yaaaay ashton joined the party! i hope you like the cute jello scene.
i feel like this is the first book i'm really getting into like i genuinely enjoy writing this (when i'm bored lol)
comment your thoughts, maybe some critiques or even some plot ideas!
vote if you ever want to hear ashtons giggle in person
(don't even risk it)
😘
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THIS DRAFT HAS BEEN SAVEd foR LIKE A YEAR IM SORRY
