anorexia - l.h

three

kylie

i've been waiting for ashton to get back, it's been about an hour and a half yet the grocery store is 15 minutes from here. i'm freaking out about it, what if he seriously hurts him? i wouldn't mind right? after he put me through hell? i'm not that horrible of a person though, i hope he's okay. about 10 minutes after these overwhelming thoughts, ashton barges in the apartment door. as he pants he walks over to where i am sitting well, now sitting.

"ashton!" i yell seeing the blood on his fists, and the sweat on his forehead. "what?" he says panting, looking at me. "what happened?" i ask placing my hand on his knee, "i lost control ky, right as i heard some freak with an eyebrow piercing say "luke" in the parking lot i ran to him with full force, and you know.. beat the shit out of him. i hid in front of a different car before either of them saw me, i hit him in the back of his head so nobody knows it was me. but he passed out, i'm pretty sure he's in a coma." he explains everything, scratching the back of his neck.

"ash! you shouldn't have hit him that hard." i say standing up, and beginning to freak out. should i visit him at the hospital? no, one he ruined my teenage years, two, i promised myself to never step back into that hospital again after going there when my bmi level was just about 16.1, which is so bad. but then again, promises are meant to be broken. "kylie!" ashton raised his voice, snapping me out of my day dream. "i called your name like 4 times." he said, rolling his eyes. "sorry i was thinking." i say picking at my brittle nails, "about?" he raises an eyebrow, looking at me.

"visiting luke, in the hospital." i mumble looking down; avoiding all eye contact with him. "hell no, that's not happening." he says shaking his head, almost laughing when i said that. "yes it is." i stand up, walking towards the door when he steps right in front of it. "listen ashton i appreciate you doing that for me, but now is a time to see if he's alright. i realize he fucked up my life, but i just need to see if he is okay. i won't by any means forgive him, i promise." i say holding out my pinky, waiting for him to hook his with mine.

"whatever, kylie. don't come crying to me again." he says stepping away from the door, and walking to his bedroom. i sigh, and open the door, then closing it. i walk to my car and turn the key, starting it up.

when i get to the hospital is kind of packed but not quite, i walk through the doors and go to the front desk. "hello, name and how may I help you?" the blonde lady asks from behind the glass, and i flash my eyes at her collarbones. "uh, hi. my name is kylie rivers, i'm here to see luke hemmings." i smile awkwardly, "okay, and you are?" she asks rather rudely. "uh, i am his-" i pause, she's not going to let me in unless i lie. "girlfriend." i continue. "hm, well okay." she says and gives me the room number.

"that was easy." i mumble as i go down the hall looking for room 308, "308,308,308,308!" i repeat looking at all the numbers and then finally find it. i open the door and find him laying down, tired, and dead looking. i sigh and sit in the chair next to the bed, ashton got him good. "luke." i call his name just above a whisper, his eyes slowly blinked open which completely shocked me. guess he wasn't in a coma, "kylie?" he asks, his eyes widening. "no." i accidentally say, SHIT KY.

"yes it is." he furrows his eyebrows, touching my hand. i pull it back, and hit his hand hard. "ow, what the hell?" he says rubbing his hand, "sorry i still don't like you." i shrug sighing, "kylie i am so sorry, you're so skinny what the hell? you're not fat. you never were either. i don't even know why i said that." he shakes his head, placing his hands over his face. "it was a stupid mistake, i see why you took it so seriously because at the time i didn't realize what it felt like to be bullied." he closes his eyes tight.

"i was bullied all freshman year, i didn't even remember saying that. i didn't know how it felt at the time and now that i do i understand and i'm not trying to get you to like me or forgive me, i just want you to know i'm sorry and if there's anything i can do to make it better." he continues, pouring his heart out into his words.  my heart wrapped around these words, and starting pounding. i took this moment to make out the beautiful details of his pale face, and dark lip ring and his blonde quiff that leans into his face now.

"i- don't know what to say. i can't forgive you at this point in time like as in now, maybe some other time?" i say trying to let him know it's hard for me but it comes out as i'm trying to tell him i'm too busy for a date, like another time? what?

"i understand, i didn't expect you to." he says looking down awkwardly, so i do the same. after a minute of silence he brings up something. "so you apply to any colleges?" he asks, "yeah one only, i've had my mind set on one college for a while and worked me ass off to try to get in so i'm waiting for a letter in the mail." i explain, and he nods. "what college?" he asks, actually seeming interested.

"riverside." i say more enthusiastically then i actually meant inside, i look at him and his eyes go wide. "really? me too! i'm also waiting for my letter, my brother jack went there so i was really looking to go. i really hope you get in kylie, you deserve it more than anyone." he said frowning a bit, making me curious why.

"thanks, um- what's wrong? you seem a bit upset, i mean, besides the fact you're in the hospital." i ask, scratching the back of my neck. "you are just such a sweet girl and didn't deserve my rude remark like 5 years ago. what i did was a dick move, and words can't explain how sorry i am for ruining such a big part of your life." he shakes his head at himself, then raises an eyebrow.

"how did you know i was in the hospital anyway?" he asks, still raising his eyebrow.. oh god. "um. i don't know, instinct?" i suggest more likely than state, this really fucking awkward. "we'll stick with that for now." he smirks a little, let me tell you, that was fucked up because now i might forgive him sooner.