Supernatural Imagines

Dean X reader--The Almost Suicide

Imagine Dean stopping you before you commit suicide.

Trigger warning: Suicide, self harm, depression

You enter the room, limping and tired. You slam the door shut behind you and trudge to the bathroom. Your heavy cast-covered leg weighs you down and you feel as if your leg is a rock, slowing you down. Leaning on the sink, you gaze at your sorry reflection.

Your face has become pale and pain stricken. Your eyes, red and puffy. Your arms shake to hold you up and you feel sick inside. The hair on your head is frazzled and bushy; it hasn't been brushed in days.

Thinking of your life and what it's become, you decide that you're not even living anymore. You're as good as dead. You hunt monsters all day everyday and you work alongside demons. Who does that? Your life has been torn apart and there's no point living if you can't do anything to help anyone. You're a sad excuse for a living human.

As if in a daze, you hobble back into the room and lock the door to the hallway. In the closet, you groggily rummage for a long thin belt. You find one that you haven't worn for a very long time. You stand on your bed and use the butt of the empty gun Dean gave you to break a hole in the ceiling at the end of your bed.

"What was that?" You hear Dean's muffled voice say and his footsteps approach the door. He must have heard you hitting the ceiling.

A tear slips down your cheek and you tie the belt to a board in the ceiling.

He bangs on the door with a fist, "Y/n? Are you ok?"

"Yeah," you say softly, your voice shaking, "I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine. Is someone in there with you?"

"Nope," my voice is thick with tears and there's no doubt he can't hear it, "just me."

You wrap the belt under your chin and try to fasten it around your neck.

"Y/n! What's wrong? What was that noise then?" He bangs on the door harder. So hard, in fact, it sounds like he's kicking it.

You tie the belt off and let your hands drop to your side. "I love you!" You shout suddenly and tears stream down your face. You lean forwards and feel a little pressure on your throat.

"Y/n! What's going on? Let me in!" The door shakes when he kicks it this time.

You sniff and whisper, "Goodbye."

Suddenly, the door falls to the ground with another kick and Dean rushes into the room. He looks up at you and his eyes grow wide.

"Y/n, what are you doing? Come down from there," he says frantically.

"No, Dean! You don't understand!" You shout, your face wet and shiny from crying.

"Then come down and help me understand." He holds his hands up as he stares with his bright green eyes into yours.

"No, I have to do this! I can't live like this anymore."

"Y/n, you can't do this," he changes his tone so it sounds more soothing and frightened than frantic, "I need you. Sam needs you. We love you and we want to help. Just please come down."

"I'm a failure. I can't do anything with this damn leg and I let that kid die."

"You couldn't have done anything. That kid was dead when we got there. It's not your fault."

"I could have driven faster. I could have been there before it got him."

"No, y/n, you were pushing 120 on that country road. You couldn't have made it there faster."

"Dean, I can't live this way. It's too much. All the stress of killing monsters and letting innocent people die. It's too much."

"But do you realize how many people we do save?" He protests, "We've saved hundreds of people. We are making a difference."

Another tear slips down your cheek as you watch Dean from above. His forehead is crinkled and his eyes glitter in the harsh light of the room.

"Y/n, I need you. We're making a difference and I really do think you can handle this life. You are a strong person and you have saved a lot more people than you have let down. Now, please, please, come down from there. Let us help you. I love you."

You watch him for a moment. You watch his sad eyebrows and forehead wrinkles that show a lifetime of torture just as bad as what you've had in this last year. You watch his unwavering stare and his outstretched hands, ready to help you down.

Reluctantly, you reach up and fumble with the belt buckle. Dean's shoulders relax and he climbs onto the bed to help you. He releases the belt from around your neck and holds your shoulders as his emerald eyes pierce your soul. They seem to reassure you that everything will be alright. He sits you down on the bed as you collapse in his arms.

You rest your head in his shoulder and he wraps his arms around your body, holding you close. His comforting heat fills you and reminds you of why you've pushed through for so long.

Realizing this makes your heart break. You almost left him. You begin to sob uncontrollably into his shoulder, tears staining his soft flannel. His holds a hand on the back of your head and kisses your scalp.

"I love you, and I don't know what I'd do without you," his whispers into your ear. You curl into him and bury your face in his shirt and promise yourself that this will never happen again.