WANTED: Love of my Life

13. The Great Flood (And without Noah's arc!!)

And then my lips were touching his lips, his soft, warm, inviting lips and I gave up. All week I had told myself that this couldn't be happening. But it was happening, and I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't want to do anything about it. My hands moved up, gripping his face, gliding over the stubble on his cheeks, following the lines of his strong cheekbones. Each nerve in my body seemed to scream with delight – except for those in my lips. They were floating in silent bliss. I closed my eyes, overcome.

For a moment, just a moment, It felt like he was actually kissing me back. Then his hands gripped my shoulders and pushed me away.

“Angela! What...!?”

My heart, singing just a moment ago, froze. I kept my eyes shut, not able to bare the look that was sure to be in his eyes now. I didn't need to see it, anyway. His voice, hard, hot and furious, told me more than enough. He didn't want this. He didn't want me.

“I... I'm sorry,” I chocked out. With difficulty, I managed to free myself from his iron grip. Had I opened my eyes by now? It was difficult to tell. Everything was so wet and blurry all of a sudden. Quickly I fumbled for my backpack. It took a bit of time to find it, with all this wet stuff in my eyes, but eventually I managed and jumped to my feet. I didn't dare look at him all the time, feeling that my heart would shatter if I did.

“I...I have to get home. It's late.”

And with that, I ran.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Don't ask me how I got home. It was several miles from the park to to the apartment building in which my family and I lived, so I couldn't have run all the way, could I?

My legs told a different story when I got home. They burned like fire. It felt like someone had ripped parts of the skin right off. But I was glad for the pain. It should, I reasoned, distract me a little from the far worse pain in my chest...

And as soon as I thought of it, the agony was back in full force. Everything flashed back into my mind. My lips on his lips, his voice, speaking, shouting the furious words of rejection. How could I have been so foolish? I stumbled into the elevator and hit the first button I saw. Whether it was the one for the floor with our apartment or the one for the garage with the big dumpster, I didn't really care. Either would do for me.

On retrospective, perhaps the dumpster would have been preferable. I had just managed to get open the apartment door stumble into the kitchen, when a figure appeared in front of me and caught me by the shoulders. Caught me by the shoulders, pushing me back. Pushing me back like he had.

“Angela, Honey, what is the matter?” I heard my mother's voice. “What did...”

“Oh, just leave me alone for once,” I shouted, braking free from her grasp. With difficulty, I found the stairs and stumbled up to my room. There, I collapsed on the bed and buried myself in my pillows.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Have you ever heard the expression 'crying your eyes out'? I never understood that one. I mean, no matter how much you cry, your eyes won't just pop out of their sockets, will they?

Now I understood. It meant crying so hard that you couldn't see past all the tears, crying so hard that you didn't know what was left and right, up or down, yesterday, today or tomorrow. What did it matter what tomorrow was, anyway? It would be empty, that was all that really mattered. It would be without him.