More than best friends?

Chapter 13

Tobin's nightmares soon became a constant. Alex would wake in the middle over the night to hear Tobin moaning and tears wetting the pillow and Alex's shirt. In response, she'd kiss the midfielder's hair softly, pulling her closer and rubbing her back. She'd whisper soothing words into Tobin's ear to calm her down. It usually worked, Tobin, still in her sleeping state, would mumble apologies to Alex. Alex thought she was apologizing about causing her problems late at night, but she didn't mind at all. She liked taking care of Tobin, yet she wanted to know what was causing the girl to act like this. She never questioned it, knowing Tobin wasn't ready to talk. She let the girl do as she pleased, putting one the best smile the midfielder could during the day and curling to Alex at night.

For Tobin, those apologies weren't for causing Alex trouble at night with her tears. They were in her nightmares. It wasn't because she was scared of coming out to people. It was Alex she dreamed about. She dreamt that they came out, or someone outed them, and then all the hate came to her girlfriend. Tobin got some hate too, but it was nothing compared to the striker's. She dreamt of their closest friends hurting Alex in ways she couldn't believe they could. She dreamt that this ruined Alex's career and she was left with nothing. Lastly, she dreamt of Alex blaming her for all of it. In her dreams, the guilt suffocated Tobin, she felt so bad for causing all of it to happen. She was the reason Alex Morgan got everything taken away from her. She was the reason that Alex's career went down the drain, the reason why no one else would love Alex like she did. It was all her.

Of course, the midfielder never voiced any of this to anyone - not even Cheney. She didn't feel she could trust anyone with this. She believed this was her own baggage to carry and she couldn't burden anyone with it. Though over time she figured she loved Alex more than anyone else she's ever loved, she couldn't say the feelings were they same. The way she still talked to men with ease when they attempted to flirt with her - although she never flirted back, even if men did mistake her for doing- made Tobin's skin crawl. She didn't know if this was permanent. Hell, she didn't even know Alex liked any girls besides Tobin. How was she supposed to know this wasn't just a faze? Especially with Servando still hanging around more than Tobin would like.

The end of the NWSL season came and went, the Thorns winning the championship title. The looming question of Tobin returning to Paris still remained unanswered. She didn't know what she wanted to do. Alex would tell her to go for it, but Tobin would notice the hesitation in her words and in her eyes as she did so. She couldn't leave Alex for months - she was too scared to try long distance. She knew without a doubt that Servando would attempt to keep Alex company while she was gone. They had a friendly coming up before Tobin had to make her final decision, and she hoped she would find some answers there.

"So..." Alex said quietly towards the end of their flight to DC.

"Hmm?" Tobin hummed, looking up from her phone. One of her hands was intertwined with Alex's on her lap, close enough so no one passing by could notice.

"Do you think we should...you know, tell the team?"

"Don't you think most of them already think we're dating?" the midfielder chuckled, shaking her head.

The younger girl shrugged, drawing patterns on the back of Tobin's hand lightly. "Yeah, but...should we tell them it's actually happening?"

Tobin turned her body more so that she was facing the forward. "Are you comfortable with telling them, Alex?"

She chewed her lip, thinking for a second before answering. "If it's just the team, then yes. But..."

"But?" the older girl raised an eyebrow.

"It wouldn't hurt to let them keep in the dark," she giggled.

"They're so gonna kick our ass," Tobin laughed, shaking her head.