In the dark the siege of our clothing somewhere in the bedroom, Shawn and I were left skin to skin, warm in each other's embrace. Both of us glistened like polished shiver from the sweaty aftermath of intense lovemaking. One arm of Shawn was draped over my midriff while the his other hand was tucked with comfortable snugness behind my head, his fingers sifting through my hair with languish as he talked quietly into my ear making my toes curl at how good he sounded and felt. Touching him never seized to amaze me so as I listened to him talking to me I habitually idolized his physique by gracing my hands over him.
With the blanket that was darkness over us the ring glimmered like a star in a moonless night on my hand. Amidst our talking Shawn had let me know though he'd purchased the ring legally the money he used to do it was anything but. Despite being grateful about what he had done I couldn't deny the mixed feelings I had about him going out of his way to do this. I knew he did it out of love but I'd be lying out of my teeth if I said part of why he'd done it was because he thought I needed it. I wanted to tell him that nothing materialistic or all the money summed together along with its high-priced attributes could constitute to the way I loved him. But I knew that even then his intentions had also been to solidify our union and because of that I didn't want to bring up something that would cause discomfort.
"Shawn!" I'd swatted his arm to something uncanny he'd said about sex.
"What?"
"Don't you have no shame?"
"Look who's talking."
"Hey at least I don't try to hide the fact that I have none." I laughed.
"Yeah yeah iight." He pulled be close and buried his head in my neck.
"Hmmm..." I hummed expectantly but received no reaction.
"I said...hmmm..." I emphasized but was still engulfed with silence save Shawn's breaths.
"Shawn!"
"What?"
"You're supposed to ask me why I'm humming."
"Supposed to?"
"Yes. Now ask."
"Oh so you think now that we married you can run me now huh." I heard the smile in his voice as he spoke and laughed warmly.
"Yes. You do as I say playboy."
"Iight," he condescended without a fight, "Sup?"
"What you were talking about earlier before you left. Were you talking about life?"
"Huh?"
"When you said how when something keeps hurting you, you try to do things differently so that you don't get hurt...did this...something...you were referring to happen to be life?"
A few quiet moments progressed.
"Not really life. More like fate." He divulged quietly after some reluctance and his answer surprised me. .
Snaking my arms around his waist I pressed our bodies with more firmness together and looked into his eyes as he handsomely gazed back.
Shawn surprised me when he continued to speak, staring sightlessly at a spot over my shoulder as he spoke.
"I don't know man," He bit his bottom lip pensively, "When shit happens to you over and over you start to think maybe its some kind of pay back for somethin' wrong you did wrong in the past. Ever since the hurricane all I been doing since then is trying to stay on the right tracks, thinking if I kept on that way my fate wouldn't luck out on me."
"...Shawn..." my voice was so soft it was barely audible but he must've heard cause that's when he returned his gaze to me. My hand was already touching his face, the thumb of it brushing his cheekbone.
"Things happen in life. You're only human. Sometimes you'll make mistakes...shit happens. Life happens."
Then he started to stare at me the same way he did the first night we made love and I felt myself blushing. The edge of his lips began to curl into a smile and his eyes smoldered with passion as he advanced to me.
Though very faint I caught his lips moving and though I hadn't heard him or barely read his lips I already knew what he had said just by the love inspired look in his eyes.
"I love you too." I whispered back and right before our lips met, a thunderous hammering sent an unexpected fear tearing through me. Both Shawn and I jerked our heads towards the door where the sound came from.
We then darted our eyes at each other in confusion because when talking we'd both decided to keep this matrimony amongst ourselves.
Our perplexity only heightened when the rambunctious knocking got louder.
"The fuck..." Shawn muttered in a confusion I felt, reaching on his end of the floor to pull on some boxers and jeans. I too scrambled for a t-shirt and sweats from one of the many shopping bags I'd brought here with me for the week.
Once dressed I made my way to Shawn who was peeking into the pea-hole. From the sudden way his back muscles tensed I stopped short, sensing something from him that made me fear for some reason.
"Shawn?"
"...fuck..." he muttered under his breath.
"Shawn?" I started towards him in a panic.
"Stay there." He told me in a steely voice that meant business and stuck me in place without any questions asked.
Once Shawn opened the door I wasn't able to see the intruder due to his height.
"This him ma'am?" I heard someone ask suddenly.
"Where is she?" a woman suddenly cried out angrily. My heart rocketed to my throat. I knew that voice.
"Is your name Shawn Carter sir?" an authoritative voice asked and my blood ran cold. I'd heard that voice somewhere but I didn't know where.
When all Shawn did was sigh and shake his head coupled with a curse word, every part of me froze and I couldn't move.
"Where is she?!" the frantic woman demanded and before I knew it my mother had pushed Shawn aside and come through the doorway.
"What the..." I muttered, my knees about to give out. What the hell was going on? Now that Shawn stood aside I got a chance to see the officer who had arrested him the first two times along with another whom I couldn't recognize that. Not only did I see him but my father's worried face came into view from the side. The moment his eyes laid on me disappointment shadowed his features.
"This is where you've been?!" my mother grabbed my wrist with adamant and furious force to make me look at her and I did but only for a moment because I was still concerned about Shawn and why they wanted him. My insides roiled with nausea at the thought that they were here for what I thought they were. No. if they took him in for that it meant his whole life. Still, I remained unresponsive and motionless because I thought this was an out of body experience.
I still didn't know what was going on.
Like a diabolical soldier from the pits of hell suddenly swarmed in place of one of the officer's souls he ruthlessly grabbed Shawn. It was all happening with the flash of lightning but with the slow speed of a sNail moving all at once.
"No..." I muttered under my breath, my chest heaving alarmingly as I watched them slam his threadbare chest against the door.
"No..." I shook my head disbelievingly when it dawned on me what was truly taking place, my mother's yelling drowned by the fearsome loud beating of my heart.
Shawn's expression must've been a splitting image of mine because he too had incredulity written all over him.
Was this truly happening? I seemed to ask myself for the trillionth time in a matter of mere seconds. Even as I tried to understand what was happening the room swayed a bit before my eyes.
"Sorry boy," the officer who had mercilessly slammed Shawn on the car even with a head injury told Shawn snidely, clenching the cuffs on Shawn's wrists, "You're under arrest for carjacking."
"What?!" Shawn finally gave a reaction and had I not been robbed of speech I'd have said the same thing with the same amount of confusion. Then it hit me. I'd let him use a car I thought belonged to me.
But how would they have known?
At that same moment Shawn's eyes flashed at me and in pure shock he stared at meand muttered, 'Beyonce...'
"No..." I whispered in horror once again, knowing that this must've looked wrong. Even then Shawn didn't look at me in betrayal or hate but still confusion, worry and shock. The officer trashed Shawn off of the door with a vehemence that made him stumble over his bare feet, eliciting pain to twist his usually neutral features.
"No...no stop it..." I cried out, the overwhelming shock making my voice so soft my words went on deaf ears, all the while realizing that the nightmare-taking place in front of my eyes was not a dream. This was real.
They were taking him away from me.
"Anything you say can or-"
"What is wrong with you? How could you run off like that?!" my mother screamed at me, holding me by the arms and situating my body to face her but my tearful eyes couldn't be torn from the doorway where the officers handled Shawn with unnecessary brutality.
"Crystal you got what you wanted. We found her. Let her go." I heard what seemed to be my father and even from the corner of my eye saw him to ease my enraged mother off of me but to no avail.
"Let me go..." I begged in my panicked voice when Shawn started to disappear from the doorway as they dragged him away, rotating, fidgeting and twisting to get a free grasp.
Once the doorway cleared, something in me snapped.
"Shawn!" I screamed, trying with desperation to twist myself from my mother's hold.
"Beyonce you're not going anywhere-"
"Shawn!" I don't remember screaming with so much pain, hurt and confusion as long as I'd lived on earth.
No no no! this couldn't be happening...no!
"Let me go!" I'm not sure how but I'd managed to break free from my mother's death grip. The first thing my body did was run. I ran and ran. We were already on the first floor so it didn't take long for me to get to the lobby where I knew they were headed.
The night staff all stopped dead in their tracks as I whipped by, the wind caused by the speed of which I moved making tears leak to the creases of my eyes past the temples.
"Shawn!" I called him when I saw him with the officers on both sides of him at the automatic doors that served as the entrance. From there I could see the red and blue lights flashing and when Shawn reflexively paused and turned his head I saw their neon reflection on his skin. Thoroughly vexed by his short stop the officers shoved him forward to keep moving though he continued to look at me over his shoulder. His eyes were a confluence of different things ranging from worry to confusion.
"Beyonce come back here!" I heard someone demand but raced for those doors and had they been the gates of hell I would've whipped right past them if Shawn was on the other side.
My naked feet submersed and splattered the bitingly cold wet road from the sky's tears when I got outside but fireworks could've been laid on my path but endlessly hot pyres could've been placed on my path and I still would've kept going. Mortification engulfing me I watched them tow him sloppily like dereliction was his trademark when it truly wasn't. The image was enough to make my eyes bleed more forsaken tears.
"Shawn!" I cried out again and that's when one of the officers left Shawn's side to come and seize me. The velocity at which I ran had been so rapid that when the officer's arm nearly punctured my gut when he halted me with his arms around my waist I rocked forward and my feet were suspended midair still in pursuit-mode.
Up until that point Shawn had coordinated with the policemen until he turned around to find me wrestling the policeman, pummeling at him with my fist not caring where I aimed. Despite all the confusion suspended around us the flames of rage in Shawn's eyes augmented.
"Touch her and I'll fucking kill you!" Shawn piped hysterically at the officer that started to take me further and further away from him.
"Ion' give a fuck what you do to me but don't you fucking put your hands on her!" a vein bulged in Shawn's neck as he bellowed at the one who held me when the other officer slammed Shawn so malignly against the car that it jounced slightly off of its foundation. The crackling that filtering the air out from that rough provocation made me scream out a garbled cry of with my hand over my mouth. It sounded more than painful but with the hard wall Shawn built over his face one wouldn't have guessed. Though slightly slumped to one side Shawn lifted his lolling head that faced off the unnecessary threats from an officer who was visibly more upset that Shawn wasn't bowing down moreso than by what they were taking him in for. It was unjust and heart wrenching.
Forlornly I watched as the officer demanded Shawn look at him as he spoke but Shawn's eyes were fastened to me as mine were to him.
In a small moment of a second Shawn and I became the eye of the storm that swirled viciously around us.
"Go." he mouthed and at that the officer holding him hostage was so irate he shook Shawn for attention but Shawn was unyielding, holding my eyes as he spoke.
"Go." he mouthed again but I shook my head stubbornly.
"I'm coming!" I sobbed frantically, helplessly watching the backdoor to the police car opening. I could see in his eyes that no matter the confusion sending us on a downward spiral he still trusted me.
"Beyonce you get back here!" I heard my mother.
"Let him go!!" I cried to them, struggling against the officer who nearly cut my circulation of breath from how tightly he held me. My arduous attempt to get to Shawn escalated when in my dire flailing of arms the hand with my ring grazed along the officer's face and he let out a guttural moan of pain as he let me go instantly.
"I'm coming!" I cried to Shawn and started to make my way to the vehicle again although by then he was in the backseat with the door shut and locked. My body jerked to a stop when strong hands over my forearms receded me.
"Beyonce calm down!" my father's controlled yet austere voice demanded. Even then I could sense a lingering undertone of worry.
"They're taking him away!" I wailed and watched remorselessly as the other officer helped the fallen one who now had blood dribbling down his face, splattering onto his shirt.
"Calm down." My father repeated while my mother went on a tirade cussing me out and apologizing to the officer as they ambled to the car.
"They're taking him away Daddy!" I whimpered in a susceptive way that showed how helpless I was becoming as I watched the officers speak to my mother before entering the car.
I grew even more restless when they started the vehicle's tires began to roll away.
"Daddy stop them! Why are they doing this?! why are you doing this? Shawn has never hurt anybody! He doesn't belong there-"
"The nerve of you to just up and leave like that." My mother's stern voice came at me like a missile but I dared not let my eyes leave that car. My god I couldn't just watch them take him away!
"Beyonce calm down we're going to settle this-" my father tried to calm me.
"Shawn never did anything to anybody!" I bellowed looking at him shortly before watching the car leave the premises. My body jolted with an readiness to go after but my father held me put.
"Calm down Beyonce." my father said again with that quiet calm that grated me to the point of another outburst.
"Fuck you!" I spat not necessarily my father but the at the unfortunate situation when the patrol car could no longer be viewed. Startled my father stared at me in silenced awe. Surprised that even then I had the ability to be shamed in front of him by my behavior, I cried into my palms, still aghast that things would get this crazy. I knew my parents defied our being together but I never thought it to be this strong.
So many questions run through my mind. How had they found us? Why was he being charged with stealing? And did they know about our marriage? Nobody else knew...how could they have known the exact place to find us?
None of it made sense but my wrenching gut told me that I was predominantly at fault.
"That is enough! Has this little criminal got you talking to us like that?!" my mother roared, before glaring at me with anger that bristled, spinning on her heel and walking off, "Put her ass in the car. I cannot believe this..."
I couldn't believe any of this either. And had I known it was just the beginning of a whirlwind I'd have tried to prepare myself for the emotional roller coaster accordingly.
But I was caught off guard, and when you're caught off guard, you have the slightest idea what to do.
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Some Day One Day
FanfictionLove was never meant to be so painful. A fave story of mine by CJ