I Promise

"Harry, are you alright?" someone asked me as they walked into my bedroom. I was curled in a ball under my blankets but when I heard his voice my body loosened and I looked over at him. I thought about how I had ended up in this situation.

After the war my life had been a wreck. I distanced myself from everyone I cared about. Ginny resented me for it. She thought that we would have been closer than ever after what we had been through, but we were further apart. She broke up with me after only a week. Ron and Hermione were worried about me. Every time I got one of their owls I could see it. I was shocked that they still even kept in touch after the hell I put them through. I would occasionally get an owl from Andromeda about Teddy. She would even send pictures every once in a while. But besides that I heard from no one.

That wasn't a shock to me though. I knew that everyone would hate me after the war. But it wasn't just wannabe Death Eaters and press people. It was families of the people who had been killed. It was people who blamed me for everything. It was the entire world.

I couldn't find anywhere to stay. Molly Weasley had demanded that I stay at the Burrow but I couldn't go there. I refused to inflict any more pain on them than I already had. That's how I ended up in a flat in the middle of Muggle London. The noise on the street below was nice to block out my thoughts and the place was great if I didn't want to be found, and I didn't.

Until he showed up. Ron and Hermione had been urging me to get out of the house but I refused. I figured that they were the ones that had given him my address. He had showed up out of the blue one my doorstep asking for a place to stay. That was almost a month ago. It was strange to let him into the place I considered home but it was nice to have someone there, but I would never admit it to anyone but myself.

I shook my head as I came

out of my thoughts. I refused to look into his stormy grey eyes as I shrugged my shoulders answering his question. I knew that if I did everything would come tumbling down around me.

"Harry look at me," that voice demanded.

I sat up in bed. I looked at my wrists and pulled down the sleeves of the jumper I wore.

"Harry."

I glanced up at the tone of his voice. "Draco," I whispered back.

"You've barely moved all day. Is something wrong?"

I wanted to tell him the truth but I couldn't. I wasn't going to burden anyone else with any of problems. I could handle them on my own and I knew exactly how. I opened my mouth to say something then quickly shut it. I looked away from him once again.

I heard him sigh and then retreat down the hall. Once I knew that he was a safe distance away I reached under my mattress. My hand curled around the cold object and I pulled it out.

I stared at the razor blade in my hand for a good minute before slowly standing. The walk to the bathroom seemed much slower than normal.

Once I reached the door I flipped the light on. I walked in and stood in front of the mirror. The man looking back at me was one I was all too familiar with. He was stick thin, had pale skin, haunted green eyes with dark bags under them, and an utterly defeated look to him. I knew that this man was me but I had no idea just how bad it had gotten. Just another thing to add to the list of why I was doing this.

I closed the door and locked it before I rolled my sleeve up to my elbow. About fifty little white scars stared up at me. They started at my wrist and went all the way up to my elbow.

I pressed the razor blade to the skin just above my wrist. I hadn't cut there in a while so why not?

I just let the blade sit there for a moment. Then I pressed down. I drew it across my skin. I gasped as the familiar burn seared across the cut. I removed the blade and looked at the small line of blood. It was one of many that I would create that time.