Sour Candy Beginnings (A Josh Ramsay/Carly Rae Jepsen Oneshot)

“’Oh, I'm Carly Rae, there's a hole in my bucket, don’t go out with the boys tonight, it makes me sad and I turn to drinking!’” Josh exclaimed.

Ouch.

I realize it was acting, that we were trying to agitate each other and make the video seem realistic. But that one actually hurt, and I internally winced. I would never make fun of Josh’s songs, even jokingly. Lover Dearest, Skin and Bones, those types of songs were definitely off-limits, of course. But Cross My Heart, All to Myself? I could mock those endlessly.

So I did, throwing out a quick “’Oh, and I’m Josh Ramsay, I want you all to myself’ – he’s a control freak!” It was pathetic, and I knew it the second it came out of my mouth. “Your mom’s a control freak,” he muttered in response, sinking back into the couch dramatically, staying in character. I, however, was already back to spacing out, half-mindedly responding until I realized what he had said, turning my sentence into a cringe-worthy “your mom’s a con- what?” It was even worse than the previous line, and that made me wince as well. Thankfully, Ben yelled out cut, announcing a 20-minute break. We’d been going at this for hours, and it had all been shits and giggles until the incident at hand.

I sighed as I stood up, avoiding eye contact with Josh and telling no one in particular that I’d be right back. We were filming in an actual building, and I had only been into two of the rooms – the “therapist’s office,” and the room where I had leant against the doorway while singing. Despite this, I took off down the hall, searching for somewhere I could sit down in silence and calm down. Preferably a girls’ bathroom. Josh may be an idiot at times, but he wasn’t that stupid… most of the time.

God Carly, way to be such a girl, I thought to myself as I walked down the hall, trying not to get too lost and find a place to go at the same time. Why did that hurt so badly when he mocked my songs?

I didn’t need to ask. I knew. Josh of all people knows what songwriting is about – getting out your emotions so they don't eat you alive when you can’t express them properly. Songs are like pages in a diary, and when you release them to the world, you’re putting your feelings out there to potentially be scrutinized and made fun of. It’s not easy to see people talking about how shitty your songs are online and not want to go home, curl up in a ball, cry, and swear off writing music for good.

So that’s why it hurt. Still, it was Josh Ramsay. What did I expect? Josh pushed all the boundaries. I was considered a good girl – I always followed the rules, never pushed too far. He was the complete opposite of me, always testing the waters and doing what he wanted to, ignoring the potential consequences. And that was why I was so damn attracted to him, why I fell for him a bit more each day. But I was friend-zoned immediately – that’s what happens when you write a break-up song the first day you meet someone, I guess – and while I was terrible at hiding my feelings, apparently I did it well enough.

I guess that was another reason it hurt. And I wrote Tug of War about him, so hearing him mock me for that was not all too fantastic.

“Carly?”

I heard Josh’s voice echo behind me from around a corner. He sounded worried, and that made me feel even more on edge. I took a sharp right, quietly and desperately trying any door, hoping that one would open and I could hide until he went away. However, none were helping me out. Just my luck.

Just as I was cursing yet another door handle for ruining my break, I spotted it out of the corner of my eye. There it was. My one chance. I could hear Josh call my name again, sounding a bit more desperate this time. No no no. I’m not letting this happen today. I walked faster, almost running, until I barreled into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. My escape certainly wasn’t executed as quietly as I had planned, but I had made it, and that was the most important thing at the moment.