Be as I am

~Prologue~

Disclaimer: the GazettE is a wonderful band that belongs to themselves and the record company they are signed to and no one else. ~ p.s. Check them out (if you haven't already) ~

Every day is the same, same routine, wake up, got to school, come home, get beaten by my father for whatever reason and repeat. This is my life, the life no one knows to be of Matsumoto Takanori, the son of the CEO of a big corporation. Everyone thinks I am pampered, that I get everything I want which isn't true, no one cares about me not even my parents nor does anyone care who I am. I have no friends, I'm always alone. I see people walking down the street with their friends, seeing them laugh; having fun makes me feel even lonelier than usual. I know I'm lonely and alone, I'm an introvert so being alone is one of my favourite things; helps me recharge. But I hate being lonely, you know the feeling that there is a gaping hole deep down inside that you know will never be filled. I only have one person who cares for me and she is gone I haven't seen her since I was nine.

Because of that I never knew what love was, I still don't. When someone is being nice I immediately think that they have an ulterior motive behind the nice façade. When people are being generally nice I don't know what I should do, or how to act so I stay quiet. People said that I have been known to be rude, but I'm not I just have no social skills what so ever and when people approach me I get anxiety. Because of that no one comes near me, thinking I am rude, not true but who would believe me. In school I day dream most of the time about having friends, but my main dream is to be in a band, being the vocalist that is what I dream about most however that is just it, a dream.

In school I am the loser, I mean there is other losers but I am THE loser and everyone knows it. The worst part is the most popular group consists of four attractive boys, who have seemed to always grab my attention. I stare at them through my fringe, which has grown long again I need to cut it. Anyway back to the four, I have only heard them talk in passing however all four of them are in some of classes, most of the time only one per class sometime two. Their names or so I have heard from fan girls are as followed the tall dark hair, always smiling and has dimples apparently is Uke Yutaka aka Kai, the bandana nose wearing, blonde/brown hair is Suzuki Akira aka Reita, the lip pierced, dark hair man is Shiroyama Yuu aka Aoi and lastly the blonde hair, feminine looking boy is Takashima Kouyou aka Uruha. I don't exactly know how they are the number one popular group but they are, I day dream about being in that group with them but who would like a loser like me, definitely not them that is for sure.

I, Matsumoto Takanori have my right ear pierced five times, blonde hair and somewhat rebellious to adults is the official loser of Kyomu No Owari High School in Japan. Most of my clothes are hand me downs from my older brother by nine years, EVEN my school UNIFORM is a hand me down. And when I ask my parents for new clothes all I get is a fist in the face or stomach, so I learnt to deal with not getting anything I want and never asking my parents for anything. All and I mean ALL of my jeans are ripped and not on purpose either but hey I like that fashion style makes me feel like a hard core rocker. There is an upside to having hand me down clothes all of them are really big on me and hides all of my scars, when there is a day of no school uniform which is very rare for my school I am called even more of a loser because of my clothes, I'm grateful for them but I passionately hate the clothes, mmm that isn't the right word maybe LOATHE yes that sounds more appropriate.

I'm starting to believe maybe I will never be good enough for anyone or myself for that matter. I don't want to forget but be as I am however in saying that it's hard as everyone I know or don't know still look down on me, for me I want to help, give people something to cling to something to keep them going through the tough times so they don't end up like me.

Hope you like :) if so please comment as it would be wonderful however you don't need to it is no biggy.