Broken Soldier [#Wattys2015]

Chapter Eighteen

In The Jet, 2015

Maria

We had been flying for hours and not much had happened. After my little talk to Barnes I deserted him in the cockpit and joined Valerie again. I was actually quite clueless of where we were headed and really wanted to ask but I decided against it since I didn't want to talk to him.

I was sitting at the back of the jet with my knees brought up to my chest. Valerie was sound asleep beside me. I was beginning to get bored so I started drawing little pictures and squiggles on my arms. As I ran my nail along my skin, the small scratches would leave a glowing trail. It was quite amusing until...

I sat with Barnes for a while, keeping myself occupied by poking my skin and making it glow golden. To be honest it was quite beautiful but who knew what it was really doing to me. I ended up drawing little patterns on my arms and legs then curiosity got the better of the others and they wanted to try. Somewhere along the way we ended up having a tournament of naughts and crosses.

I stopped immediately, finding myself breathing quite heavily. It felt as if I was having a panic attack that I couldn't control. My hands began to get sore and I looked down at them gripping white-knuckled to the legs of the bar seat behind me. I couldn't let go and my breathing was becoming very rushed and short.

"Don't do it! Don't do it!" I yelled at myself.

Valerie shot up instantly and came to my aid.

"Mum? Are you ok?" She asked so softly.

I continued to breath heavy and now jagged. It was something I'd never experienced before.

"Mum you're having a panic attack, just look at me and try to calm down. Look at me," she said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head, trying to get rid of the nauseous feeling. But it wasn't working.

I heard footsteps approach me. "What's wrong?" Barnes asked.

"She having a panic attack, but a really severe one. I've never seen one so bad before." Valerie explained.

I felt another hand on my shoulder and only just realised that my eyes were shut tight.

What's wrong with me!?

"Maria," he said softly.

That did it. That broke me. The sound of his voice made it too much. The way he said my name like that - I couldn't take it. I completely lost my breath, so I brought my knees right up to my chest and cried. I just cried.

**********

Valerie

I had no idea what to do to help mum, because I'd never experienced what she was going through. So instead of talking to her or trying to do something, I just sat with her, my hand gently placed on her head.

Bucky suddenly stood up. "I'm going to go back to flying this thing." He said, looking a bit uncomfortable. 

I nodded in reply as I watched him walk back to the cockpit. I hadn't really got to know Bucky just yet, he was such a mysterious man. But I liked him.

After a good ten minutes, mum went silent. I thought she had fallen asleep, but I was wrong. When I looked down at her, she was already gazing up at me.