Faulted Smile

Stage one, Depression

        At first, you start to feel alone even though your around people, then you start to obsess over every detail about yourself to see what makes you a freak, after, you feel sorrow and pain. Everything about life seems to put out every light it sees in your future.  When I was a child I was very ignorant and gullible. I used to think everyone was kind and meant no harm, I thought things like the boogy-man were real. But let me tell you something, creatures created by masters of fiction were created by real men and women who created such writers. I also thought that mommy and daddy were like couples from the Disney collections books that everyone had when they were little. Dad was the prince mom chose and she was the princess who was never happy with herself.  But all my beliefs were stripped away when things came crashing down like the buildings in 9/11. 

      Mom and dad fought about other men and women in each others lives that could be possibly be fooled around with. You know " The nasty's". As soon as the fight got ugly enough to where they hit each other and throw each other around. The word divorce was like a second language to me.  The teachers got mad at me when I started acting up and they would tell my mom something was wrong with me. I would switch houses every weekend. The only problem was each parent did not want to see each other again, so mom would bring me to my uncles house. That dreadful house, I would always complain about it but no one would here my words.  His house made everything turn good to bad in only one night. We were all sleeping on the couch when it was time for bed. I hated these next parts, my uncle would always sleep in the living room next to us, I guess it was for "safety reasons".  As we slept,by we I mean my little brother and sister. I was awakened by a very awkward hand gesture by my uncle. He had moved me on top of him and started to caress parts that shouldn't be touched by anyone.  I would squirm and try to get out of his grip and one time it worked but then he went for my sister.  I knew what he was about to do was very bad. So I quietly move my sister to where he could not reach but in doing so I let the vulture of a man get me.  In the end I still had my virginity in tacked but I still felt weird like what he did changed me some how.  Not in the good way, it made me feel unclean, not innocent. To tell you the truth it was very painful to not be able to make the worst memory go away.

     Not a single day goes by where I cant picture the 2 cops who sat in front of me, interrogating me to find out exactly what happened. As a kid you know talking about your no-no spots was illegal. budunce. I'm a sad person. So my uncle was set free.  Which sucked.  After that I didn't see my dad for five years. Until a couple of days before my brothers 4 birthday.