Beauty in the closet

When it's 2:30 am on a bitterly cold winter's night, most people tend to be asleep- tucked away into the comfort of their beds, sleeping soundly with their partners until the beams of bright light enter through the window panes and morning has arrived, along with the sound of chirping birds from the outside, nested on the roof of our homes. However, there are some exceptions: Some people may work night-shifts, others- who tend to be nocturnal creatures choosing to stay up late for the benefits of their Tumblr blog and then, there's Tyler...

As Josh lay there in the bed, he turned to his side, extending both his arms ready to clutch onto Tyler's body and drape himself around him. It was definitely a cold night, possibly below minus 5 degrees celsius. At times liked this, him and Tyler would both decide to go to bed in their onesies that they gave to one- another as a Christmas present. Neither of them admitted to each other that they hated the onesies due to the fact it would make them too warm at night, resulting them to strip the onesies from themselves- only left to sleep naked and cuddle together for warmth. When Josh reached out towards Tyler this time, his arms flopped to the mattress, startling Josh in the process. He woke up abruptly in the pitch- black bedroom, feeling around for Tyler who was meant to be on his right hand- side of the bed- nothing.

For a moment, Josh hesitated. This happened to him three times before: He would wake up in the middle of the night only to discover Tyler wasn't there. The first time, he left his bed to find Tyler sitting outside in the freezing cold on the balcony of their apartment. The second time, he found Tyler seated in the closet of their bedroom, the same as the third time he found him. He told himself to calm down and merely scanned the room to see if Tyler left any traces after him. He then noticed it- the closet door was partially opened. Josh could hear whispers of humming coming from the inside. Thankfully, Tyler preferred to be in the closet rather than the freezing cold of the balcony, he only hoped this routine of Tyler's wouldn't change- seeing him in the closet is better seeing him ready to get hypothermia, Josh thought to himself.

Quickly, he threw off the few remaining sheets that covered him, picked up and put on the onesie that caused him to perspire over the night, before shuffling over to the closet door. Slowly (as to not to scare Tyler) he opened up the partially -opened door. He stuck his head in the gap between the door and the frame only to see Tyler crouched into a ball among all the scattered clothes that lay on the closet floor.

"You okay?" Josh whispered softly to Tyler. He shook his head, avoiding eye contact with his concerned boyfriend, continuing to look at the opposite wall.

"Can I come in?" Josh asked tentatively. For a second, Tyler didn't make any gestures towards the question, but finally decided to let Josh in with him by firmly nodding his head.

Josh carefully sat down opposite him, trying extremely hard not to step on Tyler's foot in the process. Once he got himself into a comfortable position, he looked right into his boyfriend's beautiful brown eyes. Tonight, they were different to the ones he fell in love with... Tyler was tired with fatigue and overall looked distressed in himself. Josh hated to see him this way, but there wasn't much he could do to get him to change, he just had be there for him and hope for the best. Sometimes Josh felt bad with his own thoughts. Sometimes he would think, he'd be better off himself without Tyler. Sometimes he felt that their relationship was too much for him to handle. No. He couldn't think like this, not when Tyler was in a much worse state. He loved Tyler more than anything in this world, without him, he'd have nothing except for a drum kit. Pushing his thoughts aside, he decided to be the first one to speak- Tyler wasn't going to start the conversation anyway.

"Do you remember when we first met?" Josh asked with a half-smile on his face. Tyler nodded in response, waiting to know where this was going.

"And remember, we weren't allowed to talk to one another because I was the guard and you were the guy who got sent to jail for a short while after being convicted of loitering?"

Tyler finally looked directly at Josh with a half- puzzled, half- amused expression. "Josh, where are you going with this?"

A grin spread across Josh's face when Tyler spoke. His voice was so unique in tone. Sometimes it reminded him of the voice of a white- geeky nerd in those high school movies, it was kind of squeaky and hoarse, it altered between high and low pitches- an imperfection Josh loved and admired.

"Well, back then I was a bit of an ass when I worked as a guard"

"That'd be an understatement" Tyler retorted instantly.

Josh could just about see the weak smile in the darkness of the closet. He returned the gesture and continued on with what he was saying. "Although I was a bit more than an ass back then, I just wanna say that things are different now. We're in a band together, you made me look at life from a different perspective".

"Tell me again how I made an ass turn into my boyfriend" Tyler jokingly asked to Josh who sat opposite him with blushed cheeks.

"Well, if you're asking me how you made me look in a different perspective, I'd have to say it was your honesty and your sincerity towards my likings. You know, when I told you I liked playing drums in my spare time and you were actually interested in what I had to say. And even after being a douche to you back in prison, you still talked to me about music and bands. You made me feel like, I don't have to be a guard just to make money, that I could stretch my horizon- I could do anything with my life as long as I had good faith in what I wanted to do. That turned out to be the drums, ever since being in 21p with you, I'm happy and I've established that I really love you Tyler. When I look back on where I've come since then, it makes me really proud to call you my boyfriend". At this point, Josh's face went bright red with embarrassment after actually revealing how he truly felt towards Tyler. In a sense, he felt it as a huge relief to let his feelings be revealed, he was just slightly nervous for what Tyler would have to say.

Josh finally looked up from the floor after trying to hide his facial expression. Tyler sat there in awe- unable to speak. For a few moments, the pair just sat in silence- taking in what had just happened. Eventually, Tyler gave a smile, trying hard to hold back the tears in his angelical eyes. His attempt to stay calm failed, and before he knew it, Tyler allowed a few tears to roll down his soft pale cheeks. He smiled when Josh leaned forward to wipe them away with the stroke of his thumb. Both of them could definitely feel the connection between them both.

"So, do you wanna tell me what's bothering you now?" Josh inquired, the smirk still lingered across his face as Tyler began to breathe normally again. The smile Tyler previously possessed was beginning to fade. He sat there not wanting to say anything to Josh, but after that speech, he felt a lot more comfortable talking about the problems he was dealing with than ever before.

Josh was his rock- someone to lean against before you're about to fall. "I'm insecure, and I care what people think" Tyler admitted, as he looked over towards his pink- haired boyfriend. "I just feel like, there's no hope for me- I'll just always be insecure and I'll always be in fear of slipping back into depression again. I have these thoughts so often I ought to replace that slot with what I once bought, but someone stole my car radio and now I just sit in this closet in silence". Tyler turned his face to the side and bit his lower lip hard. He was surprised with himself that he actually had the ability to admit it to Josh, before this, his feelings were kept hidden for Josh's sake, he never wanted Josh to feel upset over his own personal thoughts.

Before he could even comprehend what he was expecting from his lover next, Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler, reeling him close into his chest. Josh could feel Tyler's rapid pulse reverberate off his own chest. Josh had no intention to let go and once Tyler extended his arms over Josh's head, he didn't either.

"I-I love you, okay? Y-You're all that matters to me. If I can't make you happy right away, we'll be sad together, I won't let you face your demons alone". Josh was never good to hold back tears in situations like this, but that didn't matter to him. If he had to cry, so be it as long as Tyler was okay he'd cry longer just to put a smile on his face.

"We make a great team, don't we josh?" said Tyler, his chin comfortably resting on top of Josh's shoulder.

"Yeah we do" Josh whispered into his ear before planting a kiss on Tyler's cheek.

There, they spent the rest of the night, together in the closet until the sun rose early morning.