Best Friend's Dad (Ziall Horlik)AU

Chapter 15

Zayn's POV

It was around four in the morning when I finally found enough strength in me to get out of Niall's bed. His hands were clutching my my arms ever so lightly, so I had to slip out of those without waking him up. But honestly, he'd probably be able to sleep through an earthquake with how tired our earlier activities made him.

It was strange for me to see him getting so lost in his own world, but it was also an amazing feeling to see his own body being so responsive to my touch. It was like I just did everything his body had been craving for years and it took me to finally uncap the bubbling build up. The way his legs trembled before he hit it made it look like he was have a baby seizure. Just his whole experience and being able to watch it made me feel a mix of pride I could do that to him and also amusement that he was such a mess.

I slipped on all my clothes, but before I left the young boy's room, I slipped the bottle of lube I had brought with me in Niall bedside drawer. I brought it with me because I really wanted to do that to him, especially after the stupid argument I had with Perrie that lead me to get here. She pretty much screamed at me that I sounded like a gay man because I told her I didn't feel like having sex with her. That lead me to getting in my car and going to the only person I can really be myself in front of. Also, I needed to let off some steam and anything involving sex is a good enough way for me. But somehow, even just holding Niall's squishy little body while he sleeps makes me just a relaxed.

Niall rolled over in his bed to where I was just laying, causing a small put to cross his lips. I leaned down and kissed those lips lightly before leaving the way I had come in; which was through the window like a fucking teenage boy. I was just glad it was close to the ground because it was a one level house.

My whole drive back home was full of guilt. Not of what I had just done, but that I just left him. I know in our agreement to this was compromised if I cuddled him after, then I could leave while he's sleeping or just after a while. We finished things up around two in the morning, but I stayed there until four. I would have stayed until the morning, but I couldn't do that. Yet, somehow I was able to just leave him there and not even question it. Now I am, but slipping out of his window was too easy.

The worst part of this literal guilt trip is Niall doesn't know better. He's a smart boy, just not when it comes to relationships. He doesn't know that this is wrong because in the end to him it feels so right. He doesn't see that eventually, both our feelings are going to become love because that's how our bodies and minds are made to react with these types of activities. He's very much a virgin to everything, yet he's slowly giving small amounts of it just because he feels he's getting something out of it. He's not though. I'm using him and he's letting me. I'm slowly treating him like the slut he isn't and he's blindly letting me. It makes me disgusted with myself, but Niall's addicting. He's fucking crack and I'm a stoner for him.

As I drove, my thoughts went to thinking of actually having to go home now. I had to go home and apologize for whatever I did wrong to my wife and I had to be a father. I had to make sure that Liam didn't hear any of the arguing that went on so he still had the illusion he had the perfect parents. A sad chuckle left my mouth because this situation was all to familiar. It reminds me of the same exact person I was four years ago.

Even if I thought I grew so much from that dark place, I can feel myself crawling back there. About four years ago was the first time I had tried to commit suicide. I was done pretending and I was done with being unhappy. I remember how drunk I was as I drove through the lonely streets of Bradford. I remember the tears that wouldn't stop rolling down my face because I was just so done, for a lack of better words.

That night, I just drove for hours after I got off work. I stopped at a liquor store and got three bottles of vodka, then went to an old abandoned park to drink them. My thoughts at the time were that I couldn't be straight anymore and I couldn't pretend anymore. As I drank, I somehow ended up calling Louis. I remember my exact words to him that were just telling him to take care of my son, who was twelve at the time, for me because I wasn't going to be able to.