INTERIM · BEN PARISH | ✓

Nine

"Older men declare war. But it is youth that must fight and die." -Herbert Hoover

•••

I STARE AT the commander but don't listen to his words. His eyes are fixed on the window in the back of the room, as if he's bracing himself for a surprise attack at any moment.

Zombie. Zombie. He's in my mind, begging me to turn around. I wish I had and I wish I hadn't. I had done both, and I'd done neither at the same time. I train my eyes at Reznik, imagining his head explode into a million pieces. I'd set fire to the remains then dance on the ashes.

Next to me on the other section is Private Bramble, whose squad received second place and requested to go out to field duty. Bitch. I wait patiently for Vosch's speech to end. I think of Zombie again. What happened with us, what happened in general. What did I do wrong?

•••

I kissed Zombie. My ex's best friend, and my own rival. But he wasn't Zombie. Just for a little bit, he was Ben Parish. And for a brief moment, I felt like a girl again. I felt like Rena.

"Ren- Red! Hey, Red!" he waved to me. He snatched my hand and held on tight. "You haven't been talking to me. What's going on?"

"I have to get my team to first place," I stated simply, slipping from his sweaty grasp and crossing my arms over my chest. "Excuse me."

"So are we just gonna ignore what happened three days ago?"

"What happened three days ago? Oh, right. You kissed me." I turn the other way but he still follows.

"I kissed you? Red, you're the one who leaned forward."

"You're the one who went for it!"

"Don't pin this on me!"

"Why not? It's true. Can you please go away?" I continued walking faster but his hand grabbed my shoulder and yanked me back.

"Rena."

"Don't call me that."

"Why are you so obsessed with getting first? The top four graduate. That means you'll graduate with us."

"Since when did I care about graduating with your squad?"

He smiled a very Ben-like smile. "Because you like me."

"Yeah right, you self-absorbed asshole. I'm graduating in three days. Vosch told me." I mentally kicked myself for that. How could I have let myself slip up like that?

"You're graduating before us." He stepped back like he's been slapped. "How could Vosch.. But I thought-"

"You're in fifth place, stupid. Have fun with graduation next week."

"I won't let you."

Holy shit, this kid's taking it too far. "And why not?"

"Because I.. think Squad 53 is better."

It took all of my willpower not to laugh in his face. "Go talk to Vosch. I'm soooo sure that he'll change his mind."

"You think you're so tough, Rena, when really you're a scared girl afraid to hurt other people without paying the consequences."

"Take. That. Back." I clenched my fists and desperately wanted to strike him in between the eyes.

"In the eight minutes I got to know you, I realized you liked to hide your feelings by pretending to act tough when really you cry at night and hope for the best tomorrow. You even cried over your friend Lauren the other day and-"