Pick Up Lines | Levi x Reader [Oneshot]

What are you doing?

[Warning: Strong Language and pretty bad pick-up lines from Heichou that would probably kill you from cringing too hard. Pick-up lines were from tumblr and I will not be involved in any sickness/diseases/virus/death due to cringing. Enjoy.]

~

You were walking around the corridors of the headquarters heading to Rivaille's Office. You were quite scared and also pissed since he caught you throwing some food at Jean, which was pretty fucking hilarious.

"Tch, stupid short ass.." You mumbled to yourself as you knocked on the office door.

"Name and Business?" A bored voice of a certain captain can be heard. "Cadet [f/n][l/n], I'm here because you called me?" You replied. "Come in" Levi said.

As you went inside, you shut the door behind you and saluted your superior. He was finishing some paperwork, probably from Erwin. He looked up at you as he placed his pen down. He placed both of his hands under his chin as he stared at you.

He was just...staring. Like literally into your soul.

He let out a sigh as he opened his mouth. From the looks of it, it kinda looks like he's resisting himself, either he'd close his mouth or talk. You let out a confused face as awkward silence can be heard.

You can see Levi mumbling some words, still keeping his natural emotionless face.

"H-heichou? You ok?" You weren't really concerned of the man, you just wanted to break the awkward silence so you could try to get out of his office as soon as possible. Although soft mumbles from the short captain can still be heard. "Heichou?" you asked once more.

"Y-you're the only dirty thing that i like" At last he spoke. Your not-so-concerned-face actually turned into a wth-are-you-doing-shocked-face. "Heichou was that-"

"You be as wet as a cleaning cloth when I'm done with you" Your face flushed. "Heichou are you dru-"

"Are you looking for a clean place to sit? 'Cause I just washed my face" Now your lungs aren't working. Either it was from cringing or being all flustered. This time, he went near to you. Looking down.

'JFC HE'S LOOKING DOWN. WHAT THE HELL. THIS ISN'T THE CAPTAIN AT ALL' you said in your head.

"You know there's a 1 meter titan down in my-"

"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica. Ergo, omnis legio diabolica, adjuramus te...cessa decipere humanas creaturas, eisque æternæ perditionìs venenum propinare...Vade, satana, inventor et magist-"

"Cadet, what are you doing?" Levi asked, looking at you with a confused face.

"Uhm, doing an Exorcism on you?" You replied.

"What am I? A fucking dem-" You cut off his sentence as you ran near him and shook him repeatedly.

"I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE LEVI! FIGHT BACK! FIGHT AGAINST THE DEMON INSIDE Y-" fake tears were in your eyes but your sentence was cut off as you felt a pair of lips onto yours.

It was his lips.

the captain's lips.

Humanity's strongest lips.

The cleaning fairy's lips.

[a/n sorry, the last part was necessary. I am such a bad person.]

"Do you still think I'm a demon?" He asked as he parted away from your lips.

"You're already one." You snickered.

"Do you wanna see a titan in private? Since my ass is already Titan Sized."

"Who taught you those?" You asked.

"Hanji." He said as he turned around, face-palming. You looked down.

"Hey Levi..." You said.

"What?"

"You do have a titan sized ass."

"Thanks."

~Rest of the story is up to you!

P.S. I'll try to make a version of Danchou Erwin-Senpai/Commander Eyebrows of Freedom for you. <3

P.S.S. If i'm not busy, since I'M BUSY FROM ALL THE PAPERWORK/HOMEWORK/WORK FROM HELL SCHOOL HAS BEEN GIVING ME.

P.S.S.S. I was bored and thinking about jokes about butts. idek why. but this came out as a result.

P.S.S.S. (hang in there) Please do not copy. I have an army of cleaning fairies and a shitload of mikasa's wrath on me. If you found a copy of this story, please tell me.