Feeling Unloved

Feeling Rueful

5 Years Earlier (turtles almost age 11)
Raphael hung back as his brothers raced back to the lair. They had been out skating in the sewers for the last hour or so. He let them go ahead, listening to their happy laughter fade as they got further and further away. Technically, it was against Sensei's rules to be alone in the sewers, but his brothers wouldn't tell. If Splinter asked, they'd probably just say something like 'he's being slow, he's on his way.'

Raph sighed. He'd been feeling a little bit down in the dumps lately. Sensei had been giving him a lot of criticism in training lately, and if that wasn't enough...the turtles were at the age where it was difficult for Sensei to pay attention to any one of them for any given amount of time.

Raphael felt as though he hadn't shared a real Father-son moment with his father since he was eight.

As for his brothers well...Raph had learned that if he wanted in on the action, he had to silently invite himself to join them. He still felt unwanted sometimes. He knew they'd probably have more fun without him, but they never said anything, so he just kept tagging along. Oftentimes, Leo or Donnie would send him a questioning glance and nod, as though acknowledging that he was going with them.

Over the course of the past year or so, Raphael had slowly grown more and more withdrawn from the family. Sure he still interacted with his brothers and his father, but it was different. There was no real emotion behind it. Interactions left him only with a cold numbness in his chest. As though something was missing.

It had been a long time since he had felt...warm...on the inside.

He missed those days so much...

As he trudged slowly in the direction of the lair, Raph's mind once again revolved around his brothers.

Leonardo had been doing well. As expected, he'd remained Sensei's favorite student. Thinking about Leo made Raph's blood boil with jealously. Leonardo always had Sensei's attention. Every single training session, it was always Leonardo this, and Leonardo that. Raph tried so hard. He tried so hard to compete with his older brother. But Leo had a special place in Sensei's heart. And that wasn't about to change.

That familiar ache burned in Raph's chest. He rubbed his plastron with his hand gently to dispel it.

As for Mikey well...Mikey was the youngest. Always full of energy. He had a huge imagination and would entertain Sensei for hours at a time with detailed descriptions of his dreams for the future and all the crazy things he wanted to do. He also was quite a talented drawer. He drew many impromptu comics of Sensei and the four of them depicting funny events or sometimes just daily life in a wild, Mikey-like sort of way.

And Donnie...Don was a genius. He'd read books that made Raphael's head spin. He was always working on some invention or other. He was becoming an inventor. Raph had watched as Sensei beamed proudly at each of Donatello's inventions. Raph watched from the sidelines as Sensei listened intently to the smart turtle's lengthy and extremely complex explanations.

Today. Raph stated to himself, I'm gonna do it today. I'm gonna talk to Sensei. I'm gonna tell him what I've been doing. What my accomplishments are. His shoulders drooped. There's no point. There'd be nothing to say.

Then I'll tell him how I feel. Sensei will listen. Sensei will understand. I have to try.

When he got back to the lair, the other turtles were already there. Splinter was in the main room. As the hothead entered, the rat-mutant turned to him. "Ah, Raphael. I see you have returned. Your brothers said you were lagging behind. Is everything alright?"