Outliers

Chapter 15: Austin

Austin's POV:

Austin sat on his bed, his lips still, cracked, without the words that he wanted to cry out. His eyes wet, red, with the tears that weren't enough to express what he wanted to. His ears had seemed to stop working, unable to hear his radio by his bedside. The irony of this moment, was the rain beating down on his roof; the pitter-patter of small droplets streaming down the window.

With knees tucked up to his chest, and meaty arms holding his thick thighs close, Austin dropped his head in defeat; he was done with the things that were going on in his life. The others... They didn't care; they were the "in-crowd", and life was great for them.

Maybe not as much as for Jennifer, or Bridget, or the girl in the back of every class of his - Deborah, that was her name. Jennifer had her dyslexia, sure; but did that stop her from dating the "#1 Cutest Guy in School"?

Sure, Bridget had a poor home behind her, probably rags for beds and crumbs for meals, but didn't she have a wholesome, loving family to go home to? A mother and father to hug her every night, and "I love you"'s being passed around like stuffing at Thanksgiving?

The harsh whispers that hide in the shadows, though, are about "that girl Deborah". Austin has heard so many things, he could be her best friend - and by what he's heard, he wants to. Austin's life was hard; his father leaving a loving family for a mistress and the desert, having no friends to hold onto at school, and the weight that affects him no matter what he does.

But Deborah had it hard, too; Austin's heard that her father was beating her, that he was arrested for doing such things for so long. Her mother wasn't home, working full-time for 7 days a week. Austin could imagine it all; getting up every morning, and having to face another painful day, and wanting to cry; but you can't, because weakness only causes more pain. So you come to school, hoping for arms to break down into, someone to hug and love - but no one is there.

Tears streamed down Austin's chubby cheeks, too fast and heavy to stop; not that he was going to try to. In the other room, Austin could hear his mother crying too - she'd been in shambles for 3 weeks now, since Mr. Millard had walked his black, leather shoes out of the front door.

The rain had since ceased to fall, but the dampness outside made his room seem humid; the sky growing dark with the clouds of another storm, and the fingers of night reaching up to take control. Austin, also, had refused crying a while ago, but now his radio could be heard since the rain died down. 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls sang softly around the insulated room, the sound wafting around the room to wrap around Austin.

"And I don't want the world to see me;

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand,

When everything's meant to be broken -

I just want you to know who I am...

...just want you to know who I am..."

How fitting was this song? Right now, to Austin, it seemed the world was mourning with him. It felt good, like someone older was rubbing his back, murmuring 'It will be okay. It's going to be fine, now.' But in reality, no one was there, and Austin began to feel more alone than before.

* * *

School the next day rolled around, and Austin didn't want to get up. It wasn't that he was tired, no - he'd cried himself to sleep at 7 PM yesterday, so he had plenty of sleep.

He didn't want to go because there would be no one there for him, and he needed someone now. Yet, even with his mother in shambles, she still made sure that he went to school. It was raining again today, so Austin's mom drove him to the bus stop, where they got to wait in a warm car until the bus pulled up with squealing brakes.