Straight Into Darkness - Deserted Lands #2

Chapter Eleven [Final Beta]

~L~

LIZZIE ENJOYED HER LAZY DAY alone. After spending the afternoon playing with Saj inside and out, he'd conked out in her lap to the classic kids movie, A Bug's Life.

A knock on the apartment door startled Lizzie. She slid out of the recliner and managed to lay Saj in the easy chair.

She peeked through the peep-hole. Duke. Shit. She ran her fingers through her hair and turned the knob, putting her finger to her lips as she turned the knob. "Saj's asleep."

"Oh." He stared at her. "Uh. The other night. Your birthday party. You didn't seem happy."

"Do I need to be?" She reclined against the door jam.

"You don't want to be happy?"

"Happy has consequences, don't you think? I mean, what's going to happen next? It's gotta be bad, right?" Lizzie kicked the door open the rest of the way, inviting him in with a tilt of her chin. "Right now, I'll be happy if you don't wake Saj up."

"Isn't it a little early for him to be in bed?"

"Doctor's orders, and since when are you the expert on child-rearing?"

"Used to babysit my sister's kids. Probably changed more diapers than you."

"I practically raised my little brother single-handedly."

"'Cause this is definitely a competition." He popped his knuckles.

"You wanna arm wrestle?" Lizzie playfully punched him in the gut.

"Actually I was going to offer to go get you some food. I just got back from collecting in Springville."

"Why does everyone assume I have no food in the house? My dad cooked last night, plenty of leftovers." Her words sounded too harsh. Why was she blowing up at him? She added in a gentler tone, "But I suppose more is always better. Where?"

"There's this burger joint downtown called Zeke's."

"Oh, the one with the Sharpies? Where you can write on the walls?" Her pregnant chick drive for food shifted into high gear. "Remember, I'm eating for two."

"I'll get enough for four then!" Duke gave her a knowing wink.

As soon as Duke left, Lizzie shut the door quietly. She thought about picking Saj up and slipping back under him, but he'd probably wake up. Instead, she lay a blanket over him and sat on the floor next to the easy chair with her notebook.

She spewed some words onto the paper. Hoping to find something that sounded good or meant something. After five minutes the only one that stuck with her was, "I believe I should be leaving." She flicked to a new page.

Dear baby,

It scares me to think that you may not grow up to read this. Everything seems so tentative. Six months ago I wouldn't have believed I would be here in Provo, Utah, having a baby. Zach Riley is your father. He is one of my oldest friends. He saved me when the rest of the world fell apart. He kept me from falling apart. We are not together as a couple.

"Damn." All her life she'd wanted her dad to be there. And what had she done? Gotten pregnant and practically guaranteed that her child would never get to live with both parents at the same time. Tears fell to the paper. She wiped them away and took a deep breath, trying to get it under control before Duke returned.

The railroad tracks of scars on her arm reminded her of old pain. Each one tied to a specific memory. The time she'd burnt the linoleum in the kitchen and snuck out a window to escape Mama's screaming. The first time one of Mama's boyfriends visited her bedroom when he wasn't supposed to. The time Doug took Jayce out fishing alone and she screamed in her head not to let him be alone with her little brother. She traced each scar with her fingertip, like a rosary of bad memories.