The Lexie Project

Season 19, Episode 19 (The One With The Thumb Drive)

Hospitals freaking suck.

Like, so hard. It's sad on a million levels that I've gotten used to the freezing cold, the terrible food, the way someone always comes into the room just when you've fallen asleep. But the thing I really hate about hospitals is that they don't seem to work. If they did, my brother would wake up.

Three weeks. My twin has been in a coma for three WEEKS.

He's lucky to be alive, the nurses keep telling me. We don't know when he'll wake up, or even if he'll wake up, the doctor says (I told him where he could go stick his stethoscope after he said that word: if). Mom says Benny's too strong not to wake up, but I don't know. I don't think I know this boy lying in the bed. The Benny I grew up with would never have gotten into a car drunk and high and dumped. But this one-the one lying in the early morning sunlight, the boy who, twenty-one days later, still has a banged-up face-he did get into a car like that. I watch him, tracing the once familiar lines of his face, trying to reconcile this Benny with the one I grew up with. I keep my hand in his and close my eyes. Sometimes it hurts too much to look.

When Bens and I were little, we used to pretend we were a prince and princess in disguise. We made crowns, then buried them so no one would find the evidence of our royal heritage. We whispered your highness to each other and stayed up late telling stories about our kingdom, Lilia. In Lilia, we were the only two children, though Bens said, really, Chloe should be there, too. I refused. Only twins allowed, I'd say. In Lilia, we had the power to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. We made all the rules. One rule was that we were never allowed to die. It was strictly against the sacred laws of our kingdom. It was the most important rule.

How many times since Benny's accident have I leaned close to whisper in his ear, Remember, your highness, you're not allowed to die.

I must have fallen back asleep because when the door to Benny's room opens, I jerk awake. Back in the day (as in, three weeks ago, when Bens first got here), when I woke up I'd look around me in confusion until I remembered why I was in a hospital room. Not so anymore. This is the new normal.

"Hey, sugar," Dee, my favorite nurse, says as she comes into the room.

I wipe the drool off my mouth and sit up. "Hey."

Today she's wearing scrubs with parrots all over them. She even has little parrot earrings. I appreciate her attempt to accessorize.

Dee sets a tray down and pushes it toward me. "Your brother can't eat, so you might as well. Get some food in that stomach, girl."

Questionable scrambled eggs, a toasted bagel, cream cheese, and orange juice. I reach for the bagel.

This has been pretty much every morning since we checked Benny in. Well, not that first morning. He was being operated on and it was touch and go. Matt nearly tackled every doctor that came toward the waiting room, we were that desperate for information. Trust me, you don't want a USC football player who's about to lose the love of his life in your face.

Chloe and I take turns staying with him, since only family members are allowed visitation. It's my turn for the overnight. I tried to sleep on the foldout bed, but I finally just gave up and grabbed Benny's hand, falling asleep in the chair beside him, talking about all the things we would do when he woke up. Going to see male strippers in Vegas à la Magic Mike is high on the list. If that doesn't get him out of bed, I don't know what will.

Dee says she thinks he can hear me. I try to imagine what's going on in his head. Is he dreaming? Is he nothing?

"Don't they know boys in comas need coffee?" I say, grouchy, as Dee scratches away on Benny's chart.