Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

Nine

"We should play a game."

Sehun looked up from his book. "You're bedridden, what game can we play?"

Luhan shrugged. "We should do something, though. It's boring, just lying here."

Sehun stuck a bookmark in his book and placed it in his backpack. "What do you want to do?" he asked.

"Let's tell each other about our secrets."

"That's boring," Sehun said. "And besides, you already know a lot about me. That's not fair."

Luhan smiled slightly. "Just tell it again, then. I like hearing you speak."

Sehun's eyebrow twitched. "Are you going to miss it?" Sehun averted his eyes. "My voice, I mean."

Luhan reached a hand out and placed it on top of Sehun's lap. Even though he had his head down, Luhan could see, through his bangs, that Sehun was fighting off tears. His lips trembled and his eyes blinked furiously.

"Hey, don't cry. You promised to not cry anymore. I don't want to drown in tears, Sehun-ah."

"I'm trying," Sehun said, his voice cracking. "I'm really trying."

Luhan lifted his hand from Sehun's hand stroked Sehun's hair. "I know. Just...seeing you cry makes me feel sad. You don't want me to be sad before I die right?" His tone is light, almost playful, but Sehun can hear the sadness between his words. "And yes, I will miss your voice. I'll miss everything about you." He cocked his head to the side. "What about you? Are you going to miss me?"

"Is that even a legit question?" Sehun looked up with red-rimmed eyes. "Of course I will."

"We have to take a picture," Sehun mumbled. "Before you leave."

"I don't want to take pictures when I'm bedridden," Luhan complained. "Why didn't we do this before?"

"It never crossed my mind," Sehun said. "I always thought you'd stay."

"Everyone dies at one point, Sehun." Luhan ran his fingers through Sehun's hair. "Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a cancer patient and a boy who lost everything dear to him, They happened to cross paths. The boy was really sad all the time and didn't do anything to live his life to the fullest. The cancer patient, knowing that his end was near, did everything and anything he wanted. They eventually fall in love, but the cancer patient was about to die. It's a real tragic story, Sehun-ah, but do you want to know what happens after that? After the cancer patient dies, the other boy finds someone new. This person promised to stay with him forever. The boy falls in love with the new person and they do end up with each other forever." Luhan looks down fondly at Sehun. "So you see, Sehun. Just because I'm not staying by your side for forever doesn't mean you'll be lonely for the rest of your life."

"Do you think I'll have an happy ending?" Sehun looked over at Luhan, who was lying beside him. "Hyung?"

"Everyone reaches their happy ending. It might take forever to get there, but you will eventually," Luhan replied. He squeezed Sehun's hand and moved himself so that Sehun could be comfortable on the cramped hospital bed. "You'll find that one person that makes you happy."

"I really don't know if I'll find my happy ending." Sehun swallows thickly. "Everyone seems to leave me and...my ending just doesn't seem so happy anymore. I don't even remember what being happy feels like."

"You'll find your happy ending. It might not be with me, or with Jongin, or with your parents. But you will find your happy ending." Luhan's eyes stared into Sehun's wavering ones. "You will."

"Hyung," Sehun whispered. "I don't think there are such things as happy endings for me anymore. There just isn't." He turned his head and looked up at the ceiling, counting the dots. "Just like 'later' means 'never.' Because when you say 'later,' it never comes."

Sehun was at home when the call came. He was writing an essay for his English class about a book of his choice. It just so happened to be a romance story he had finished with Luhan before Sehun sent him to the hospital. It was perfect for Sehun's life. The Fault In Our Stars. Sehun loved every part of it. The realness, the raw emotions, the pain. He loved that he knew how it felt.

When the caller finished, Sehun felt like his heart, or what was remaining, was ripped from his chest and torn into tiny, microscopic pieces. He felt like the world was against him and his very existence, like the world wanted to torture him until he died the most painful way ever. He felt so alone.

"We're so sorry to inform you that Luhan had passed on. He wrote you a note last night after you left and told me to tell you this: 'I'm sorry I couldn't be there for your happy ending. Just know that you are loved, Sehun, and you always will be.' Mr. Sehun, if you would like to see him before we send him off, come in before Thursday. That's two days from now. Once again, we're sorry for your loss."

Sehun sobbed. He cried like he never cried before. He had really lost everything. He slumped down on the floor, holding his hands to his chest, crying, missing, mourning. He could see Luhan smiling, hear Luhan's voice, feel Luhan's touches on his skin.

"Why?" he wailed. "Why did you have to leave me now?" He kicked his legs out in frustration. "What are you talking about? Happy endings? There are no happy endings if it's not with you!" His fingers pulled at his hair and made red welts when he raked them down his cheeks. "We didn't even take that picture! I don't even have anything to remember you by! Why did you leave now?! You still had one more day! I didn't even get to see you! I didn't even get to hear your voice for the last time! Why now?!"

Sehun screamed. "Why?! I love you! Why does everyone I love leave me! Isn't me loving you enough to have you stay?!"

But only he heard his own words. No one was there for him. No one was there to comfort him. No one was there to tell him it would get better. He had already gotten used to the routine, but that didn't make it any easier. After all, everything that entered his life was ephemeral. Here one day, gone the next.