stay [l.t + h.s] book 1

ciento ocho

dear friends and family of louis. hello im his- i was his boyfriend. we've been friends since kindergarten, and he was part of my life since the beginning. i remember the very first day we talked. he came up to me asking me if i wanted to sit with him during lunch. i asked him why, and he said because he didnt have any other friends and he likes my curls.

i even remember what he ate. a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a pudding cup and a kool-aid juice box. he had that everyday. i always asked him for a bite of his sandwich and he always gave it to me. he was my only friend at the time.

i remember our first falling out as well. it was over how he didn't tell me that jessica from science class asked him out. i yelled at him because he said no. thats when he told me hes gay. he was shaking and crying. i was happy for him, i hugged him so tightly. i even remember telling him everything will be okay.

i remember him going to homecoming with a boy named niall. i was sad because i didnt have a date and i liked niall. louis didnt realize this, because at that time, he didnt know i was gay. he saw me sitting down in the back of the gym. came up to me asking me to dance. i asked him about niall. niall was dancing with a boy named liam. i remember dancing with him, and he put his head on my shoulder. our song came on. it was africa by toto. he told me that no matter what he'll never leave me.

i remember when i asked him to be my boyfriend. i was so deeply in love with him. we went to the beach and i wrote in the sand "will you be my boyfriend?" and he of course said yes. we wouldve been dating for 3 years in a few months.

i told him that i loved him everyday. i told him that he makes me happy everyday. but i didnt. i didnt make him happy everyday, he didnt love me. correction, he did. he loved me from the bottom of his heart. but not enough to be here with me. i miss louis, and i dont know how ill live without him.