Loneliness? What exactly is it? Is it the burning feeling in your chest when it's obvious you're unwanted? When you just wanna lay down and die? Or is it just the feeling when you're in a crowded room but you just feel as if you don't belong? Tell me now... Is it that feeling in your chest that keeps haunting you... That tells how you're just an annoying little shit that noone wants? That you're nothing, and you just want to cut off your tongue and vanish? And you just want to stop? Want to stop it all? Stop living.. Stop breathing? And just exist? Is it that slow drip of poison that slowly destroys your insides, and rots everything as it spreads all over your mind, your soul.... Or is it that emptiness you feel? Please... Tell me... For thats how exactly I feel.... For that's how exactly haunts my mind, i'm pretty aware what I said is true, what i said isn't something the dictionary can describe... I'm right, Gilbert? Me?
It was a long cold and lonely night, apparently it was just another night where the small Prussian male had to be alone, everyone he knew so far rejected his company, "apparently everyone hates me.... It's true isn't it?" He asked with a small chuckle to noone in particular, his small bird was in a vet for it's monthly check up as he just laid down in his bed sadly as he looked up at the empty white celling "i'm just a waste of space...." He added sadly as he hugged his pillow tightly " I mean.... It's obvious.. Even west doesn't want me.... Ivan cheated on me... Liz chosen Rod.... I mean... What's there for me? Birdie left me for francis..... And the BTT? Hell... They don't even want me around anymore... " he said as tears slowly drip out of his eyes "why..." He asked himself as he slowly got out of bed and went to the bathroom "maybe a pill or two will help...." He said in tears as he looked at himself in the mirror "Gil... You're pathetic..... Noone even likes you... You're a waste of space... " He said frustratedly and just punched the mirror hard, making it crack and cutting his fista bit, he didn't bother cleaning them and just let it bled as he took a sleeping pill and some anti depressants and just went to bed "oh... I still have to hide them tomorrow... Ludwig... He can't know r-right?" He asked himself as he slowly drifted off into the vast wonderland, where nothing can hurt you, and things are way happier and way more beautiful, where wars aren't real, where everything good is a reality, but hey life's cruel and you just wake up the other day, back into the waking nightmare, back into endless torture called living, he slowly got up from bed and hid the pills behind his closet and saw that his hands aren't healing, he looked at it with a small sad smile "good news isn't it?" He asked himself as he pulled the glass out and used some concealer to hide them
He mustered the best fake smile he could, he hoped that Ludwig was still home, and he just walked out of his room and saw Ludwig already dressed and was reading the news paper "guten morgen bruder!!" He said cheerfully, eventho it was fake, Ludwig didn't seem to notice, he didn't even look up as he replied "ja, morning" he was just too preoccupied with his paper to even notice his brother " west? Can we please go out?? Like brother bonding time?" He asked looking at him hopefully 'please... I just want a sign... That you still care... That you still love me... I just want to smile a real smile after so long...I can't breath... Please....' He said to himself as he looked at him "nein, I can't, I have a date with Italy today" he replied stoic. Gil just looked down a bit disappointed "what about tonight?" He asked a bit sad "I'm sorry I have plans tonight too..." He replied and Gil just looked down sadly and walked out of the house to just anywhere
He somehow ended in a small cafe near his house, he checked his phone and saw that Rod was online, he kinda dislike what happened but he just.. He just wanted someone to talk to, to smile with...
Gil: hey, you free later? Wanna hang out?
Rod: Why the hell would I hang out with you?
Gil: oh....o-okay...
Sighing he just put down his phone sadly and went out to go for a walk, he just needed some air , and to breath, some relief, anything... He continued walking, not really looking at where he was going and bumped into Torris and Feliks "H-hey..." He said awkwardly and looked up at them "Gil.." Torris said awkwardly "I.... I know you guys kinda dislike me... Since yeah... I pretty much was a dick back then... And when me and Ivan... I'm sorry.... But you guys are kinda my only friends right now... Can we just... Please hang out?" He asked a bit sadly, Feliks just looked at him with pity "like... Gil.. We would totally.. But I'm sorry...we have a meeting, world meeting but like I think you can come with?" He said, Gil swore is heart just light up a bit "r-really?" He asked "well yeah why not?" Torris addded and Gil just pulled both of them into a tight hug "Gil... L-like let go... C-cant breath.." Feliks said and Gil smiled softly and let go
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Vergiss mich nicht
Fanfictionafter a failed suicide attempt, Gilbert lost his memories,all of them, the happy, the sad, even all of his past ... what will happen next to the two brothers?
