Memoirs Of A Hood Princess

“15 miles to Baton Rouge,” I whispered this over and over to myself. I couldn’t wait to get home, see my family and friends and besides I was so happy to get the fuck away from Shad. I hopped the first thing smoking from Virginia, and to think I had followed this nigga thinking I would make a better life for me and my kids. I could of stayed in the project and kept hustling, cause following that bum ass nigga was a waste of a year and half. Now Im on this stink ass bus where the bathroom is broken and the seats or torn, shit some bus drivers have a lil dignity! Damn I have never been a chic that believed in filth, I hate a dirty anything and this shit is ridiculous. “We home now momma,” my son was so excited to finally get here, shit we hadn’t seen family since we left home and that was two years ago. I was always one to roll at any given time but I knew this time was a big fuck up and now I had to start all over again. We didn’t wait for long at the bus station, because for a first my momma was on time and I was shocked as the fuck because she is never on time. She looked us over grabbed the suite cases and we rolled. My momma had moved to Gonzales, 10 minutes from Baton Rouge depending on the driver. The whole way there I just kept thinking about all my furniture I had lost, all the clothes I would have to re up on, finding a place, a ride……..”Fuck I gotta grind hard,” I pulled out a Newport and there she went, “Slim, please don’t light that shit up in my car, I cant stand that u smoke and where did you pick up that bad habit anyways,” like usual I put the window down and lit the bitch and ignored the fuck out of her ass. Getting to the apartment my mom was renting was a real let down, damn surrounded by white folks and boring as hell. It didn’t take me long to get my kids dead beat ass daddy on the phone to get his ass to send me some money, he lived only an hour away so it took him no time to come drop it off. My momma was off to work and there was nothing to do and the sight of Floyd didn’t do anything for me, besides I hadn’t felt for this nigga since my son was 1 and now he was 5 and my baby girl was 9, and I couldn’t stand the sight of that bitch so there was not a chance in hell he was gonna touch me. I got the money and politely asked his throw back ass to bounce. He r15 miles to Baton Rouge,” I whispered this over and over to myself. I couldn’t wait to get home, see my family and friends and besides I was so happy to get the fuck away from Shad. I hopped the first thing smoking from Virginia, and to think I had followed this nigga thinking I would make a better life for me and my kids. I could of stayed in the project and kept hustling, cause following that bum ass nigga was a waste of a year and half. Now Im on this stink ass bus where the bathroom is broken and the seats or torn, shit some bus drivers have a lil dignity! Damn I have never been a chic that believed in filth, I hate a dirty anything and this shit is ridiculous. “We home now momma,” my son was so excited to finally get here, shit we hadn’t seen family since we left home and that was two years ago. I was always one to roll at any given time but I knew this time was a big fuck up and now I had to start all over again. We didn’t wait for long at the bus station, because for a first my momma was on time and I was shocked as the fuck because she is never on time. She looked us over grabbed the suite cases and we rolled. My momma had moved to Gonzales, 10 minutes from Baton Rouge depending on the driver. The whole way there I just kept thinking about all my furniture I had lost, all the clothes I would have to re up on, finding a place, a ride……..”Fuck I gotta grind hard,” I pulled out a Newport and there she went, “Slim, please don’t light that shit up in my car, I cant stand that u smoke and where did you pick up that bad habit anyways,” like usual I put the window down and lit the bitch and ignored the fuck out of her ass. Getting to the apartment my mom was renting was a real let down, damn surrounded by white folks and boring as hell. It didn’t take me long to get my kids dead beat ass daddy on the phone to get his ass to send me some money, he lived only an hour away so it took him no time to come drop it off. My momma was off to work and there was nothing to do and the sight of Floyd didn’t do anything for me, besides I hadn’t felt for this nigga since my son was 1 and now he an it with the kids for a few and later left, I let them chill with him for a few because it had been a minute since they seen him and they loved the ground he walked on. Three months living with Joyce was getting on my last fucking nerves, she didn’t believe in grocery shopping and kept the damn air off all day. I had to get the fuck out of here quick! I went to visit my aunt at the end of the week and decided to stay there for a couple of days and get some thinking in. I woke up from a knock at the window of my aunts house, I didn’t even bother to look out the window because I knew who it was, I glanced at the clock from the cable box and saw 3:28 a.m. I opened the door and was looking right in Quincy’s face. “What,” I almost yelled at him, “what you aint happy to see a nigga,” I looked this bitch up and down and caught my words before they came out, because I knew he had plenty to offer but he got on my fucking nerves and besides being the biggest doe boy in town his ass had a under cover heroin addiction. We sat in his car for 2 hours and all I could do was think about the old Q, the one who I adored and respected, before the flash and hood credentials, when he really was the man, before the drug transactions and the fancy life. I looked at him as he spoke about how much he missed me and I wondered if he really missed the old him too. It was almost six when I jumped out of Quincy’s brand new Tahoe and I couldn’t even lie that bitch was clean. He still had the paper tag and already that bitch had a top of the line candy blue paint job with ghost writing all in it, dat bitch was sitting on 28’s and went hard as the fuck but I didn’t dare tell him. He was pulling off when he backed up and looked at me up and down “don’t worry bout nothing Slim, I got you my girl.” All niggas was the same if you asked me so I just did what the fuck any chic would do, GET ME! The only thing was every chic wasn’t me, Ayana “Slim” Bleu, and my shit was tight. I was fine as the fuck, some niggas called me a stallion cause my legs was so thick and sexy, my ass went with my slim waist and to say I had two kids it didn’t fuck with my stomach at all. I wore my hair short and styled like Halle Berry wore hers, but I was a bitch that could pull off any style because my face was round and really pretty, a lot of people always said I looked like a doll baby because I never seemed to age. I had a smooth brown complexion and everything about me was the shit, fuck even my tits still stood up to say I breast fed my kids. I thought for a long time that I was blessed to have such good qualities, but it was a gift and a curse, because the hoes hated me for it and every nigga and they daddy wanted to taste my pussy. I wore the best gear and I was street smart and book smarts. I could break down a pound of that good and cook crack in the microwave if I needed to, like I said my shit was tight! I must admit the only thing I really prided myself on was how great of a mother I was though. My kids was spoiled and they had the best of everything and I loved them more than I could ever explained, sometimes I would find myself wondering how the hell God screwed up and blessed my ass with kids like these: beautiful, smart, and so far from hood acting; I didn’t understand but I was grateful and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I must of set on my aunt’s sofa for awhile because I dozed off for what seemed like forever. I picked up the phone to dial my girl Vonn up and let her know that I had touched down, God knows I missed her more than anybody. We had been best friends for so long I didn’t even remember when we met. She picked up on the second ring and we talked for five minutes before she realized I was two seconds from her momma’s house and she drove over. “I know your happy to be home chic,” I just looked at her cause she seemed to know me better than I knew my fucking self. “What did Shad have to say about you leaving, I knew he was pissed huh!” we both laughed when she said that shit. Vonn couldn’t stand Shad. She hated the fact that he sold drugs and she always thought I deserved so much more. “ Girl fuck that nigga, its on to the next one, I‘m not tripping bout Shad,” “He was just so mean to you though, how could he do you like that Slim!” I hated that she kept talking about Shad it was only pissing me off and hurting me at the same time. Part of me missed Shad, we were together for awhile and I had gotten used to him always being there. Shad had his flaws but I just couldn’t take his shit anymore, but I missed his presence a lot……I started to feel alone without him. We decided to go take a ride town 6th street, one of the best parts of this whack ass lil town, something was always popping off down that bitch. “Slim” I heard my name but didn’t see anyone, until I looked up and saw Quincy ass calling from the basketball court in the project. “Now how that boy always seems to know your every move I will never know, but that’s my boy yeah.” I just shook my head as she stopped, we both was tickled cause she was right. It had always been that way, even when we were younger. “What it do Vonn?” slim asked, “Im good Q, how have you been” “Congrats on graduating college V, that’s what’s up chic,” “thanks Quincy, it feel good to make good money.” I had forgot that Vonn had graduated a couple of months back, all of the other shit that was on my mind I forgot that fast, but I spoke to her the day of her graduation and I remembered how bad I felt for not being there. I was always proud of my girl, she was always on some other shit. Vonn was extremely smart and had the face and body to go with it. She was light skinned and built like buffy the body, some people couldn’t understand how we could even be best friends. We were totally opposites, Vonn was more the school girl type and I more of the hood type. We both shared equal beauty and we both were very smart but we came from two different lives. Most women thought two cute girl had to compete. I always thought women were so fucking dumb to think they couldn’t hang with a bitch that was just as bad as themselves. Petty hoes thought that way and me and Vonn didn’t see it like that, we both respected one anothers differences and we didn’t mine. Bitches these days feel another bitch is a threat to them and that’s a weak minded bitch if you ask me. Vonn was most def what they called a five star chic. She was the one who amped me up to go to school and shit, but at the time I couldn’t feel it. I went two semesters and stopped. I really enjoyed it, but I had bills to pay. I was a hustler, a straight street chic, the only thing was I had brains out the ass. It all came in play when I found myself breaking weed up or knowing just how much the dope heads had in their hand before they gave their money and it was cool when I couldn’t find my scale to weight the dope cause I knew what it weighted just by holding it. Crack heads would come to the door knowing they needed to have their shit together before coming to me. Girl or not I didn’t sugar coat fuck and I wanted all of my cash, no ands, ifs, or buts. “Chill in the jects for awhile Slim, fuck let me run some shit to you,” I looked at Q and knew I didn’t wanna be bothered, but fuck this nigga was my way back on, and Vonn understood the process. “ We gon link back up tonight V,” “ok chic, hit me up.” She pulled off winking at Quincy because he always tried to get her to hook us up and she wanted me to accept the offer because she loved Q like a brother and I tried to tell her for years I loved him that same way, but they neither was hearing me. I sat on a crate under the tree in the project near the basketball court, waiting on the game to end. Part of me missed the project, I looked up the stairs to my old apartment and thought of the good times I had there. That place was laid the fuck out, I had it furnished from the front to the back. I had a beautiful living room set and a huge flat screen that hung on the wall, my kitchen was very elegant looking and when you stepped in the back the shit got more expensive. And It was all because I had niggas that would give me anything I asked for and I sold more dope than the average nigga I knew. My bedroom set was the bomb, an Ashley set that cost 8 grand, and the mahogany was simply beautiful. My kids each had their own room that was laced with Ashley twin sets, their rooms had all the video games and toys a kid could ask for. The inside of my project apartment was enough to put a down payment on a house and upgrade my camaro to benz but I liked what I liked and I had what I thought was all I needed, until now. Because that was then and this was now and I had a lot of making up to do. I had left everything in a blink of an eye, for a nigga I thought I would be with forever. I always knew of Shad, I would drive over to his momma house to sell her ass weed and he would try to get at me but he was 22 and I 25 and that was enough to make me look the other way. Strangely the nigga started popping over everyday to buy an ounce from me and I knew it was to get next to me cause the nigga had his own connect, he was a top dope dealer in these parts, so coming to me was unnecessary. I put his ass to the test one day and asked him for two thousand dollars for a bill, just to keep his ass away. The next morning he was knocking at my from door. “You must be behind like 4 months or something cause that’s a big fucking bill,” I looked down and saw the cash and asked him in. He was so nervous and I could tell. I shut down shop and we chilled that whole night. What got me was the nigga didn’t even try to fuck, he was even scared to kiss me, when he left that night I looked at him different. Four years with that nigga and all for nothing. My grandmother always said, people are the same as when we first meet them, but we think one day we can be the one to change them and soon enough we find ourselves changed. It didn’t hurt me to leave him, because I never loved him like that. Shad was like a brother to me, we were like best friends, with benefits. So it was easy to move on, I only regretted the four years I had invested with that nigga. “Slim what’s on ya mind my girl,” I looked up and saw Quincy and was back in reality. “I just was thinking bout how I lost everything, for nothing,” “I tried to tell you bout that lame ass nigga, but hey you wanted that!” I knew it ate him up inside, because Quincy loved the fuck out me, he would give me and my kids the world. There was a time I thought Q was so special, that one day he would make some girl a good man, but I never thought that girl would ever be me. Quincy stood 6ft, dark brown beautiful skin, and he wasn’t that bad to look at, he dressed nice, was well put together and would be the average chic dream. He wasn’t what I wanted or needed but he was the one at the moment that would give me all the things that I had lost back. Quincy took my hand and helped me up from the crate and we walked to his car. “Q why must you have all these fucking vehicles, your like the poster child for “Hood Rich,” he looked at me and we both busted out laughing. “ I ride fly Slim, you know this,” “ I need the best of everything, that’s why I want you on my team,” “ Nigga with 20 other bitches….NOT,” “ I don’t have bitches, I have friends and I just wanna be there for you and the kids,” “ Nigga I need a crib, a car and some front money and a friend right now, can you do that.” Q didn’t say two words to me as we rolled on I-10 going to New Orleans, I really didn’t give a fuck because I just wanted a hand grenade or a daquiri. I missed those the most because VA didn’t have neither and I loved to get my drink on. I put the music on mute and used Quincy’s phone to call and check on Dylan and Mya. My aunt told me they were find and she knew I needed sometime alone. She was the best with my kids and they loved her so much, I never needed to worry when they were with her because it was as if they were with me. I blasted the radio in Quincy’s silver 745 and laid back. I missed hearing Lil Boosie in my ear rapping, he was Baton Rouge’s biggest hitter and to me he was the best. Yeah Wayne was cold but I was on that Boosie hard, it was real street shit and the nigga kept it a hundred. Riding down Canal Quincy finally decided to speak to me. I listened to him tell me how he felt about me and how it hurted him to see me leave. I knew he loved me and I still adored him, because I could still remember the old Quincy when he spoke. Me and Vonn would go chill by Quincy’s house for what seemed like forever, because his mom was real sweet and she always cooked something good when we were there. Quincy came from a good home, he was well mannered and smart as hell, his mom loved him more than anything. We was all real click tight and because of Q, I could shoot pool better than most men and because of brother Quan I could swim my ass off. I went around more because of his mom, Quincy and his brother was the only kids and his mom said she always wanted a girl but It wasn’t in God’s plan. She loved me like her own, sometimes I would even spend nights there. I lived In the projects with my cousin Trich, because I was such a fucking headache for my mom, the last time I ran away and she found me there she said as long as I stay in school and stayed out of trouble I could stay. I had been at Triche’s since I was 15. In reality I hated it there to, I opted to moving to the city with my dad and his wife and that was just find because I loved my dad wife Cherry. Cherry was understanding and she treated me like her own, but the ride from the city to the country for school was getting to me. I stayed weekdays at Q’s , Triche, and Vonn, wherever dark caught me. Quincy was like my big brother and that’s how I still saw him. I stopped hanging there shortly after my 16 birthday, and we fell apart. I later met my kids father, where I learned all about the dope game and gave birth to my daughter a year later. I moved to Texas with Floyd two years after that because he went on the run from the cops and I became later pregnant with my son. His ass got caught before I even gave birth to our son and I had to move back to Louisiana and once again start all over. His ass cheated so much that we lasted for three months after he got out of jail. One morning I I caught his ass hanging out the door trying to fuck with a chick younger than me and that bastard was five years older than me, so that gave the fucking creeps. I had had enough of his shit and that was enough to do it for me. I hadn’t seen Quincy in 5 years when I moved back to our home town of Essa, La. That place was a hell hole, but it wasn’t the place it was some of the people. Someone was always in your fucking business and people hated more there than any other place I have been and my black ass has been to about twenty two of the fifty states and never seen people like this. I hated coming back and when I did get back things had change. Quincy had become this big drug king and that was surprising because he always talked about doing something great with his life, and because he was so smart I didn’t see it any other way. I had become accustomed to the new Quincy now, and he didn’t trip on the new me. Sometimes he would ask my advice about scoring and what did I think about this dude or that dude that wanted in. I never scored from Quincy because it was to strange for me and it was very weird for him. Deep down he hated that I hustled, he hated the fact of me getting hurt or my kids getting taking from me. We started to chill like old times again, he would come and hang out in the projects, we would call and get Vonn over and play spades and laugh all day. Quincy would smoke so many blunts he would start talking shit about everybody in the neighbor hood. He knew who was fucking who, who was giving the latest diseases and who whipped who ass on the block. Those was the days. Things changed when I start dating Shad. I remember Q passing and seeing me leaning on Shad’s pimped out regal. He passed me right by and turn his head. I knew he was pissed because he couldn’t stand Shad. Shad was cocky and him not scoring his dope from Q made it worst. Shad thought niggas from this part was lame an the sad thing is this bitch was from here to. Shad loved niggas that lived across the river from us, he respected them more and that made Quincy hate him, Quincy would always say he wasn’t loyal and he didn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself and a nigga like that could never be trusted. It took Shad six months to move in with me and things seemed fine. I had the weed game on lock and Shad had the crack game sold up. But I missed my friends a lot. Vonn didn’t come over anymore because she said Shad had fucked up ways and Q never came by he even stopped speaking. But it didn’t stop him from bringing my kids school uniforms and sneakers every year. He would stop by the night before Christmas and bring the latest toys. Shad hated it but he couldn’t stop it. The night I decided to leave with Shad to go to VA., Quincy showed up and asked to speak to me. I stepped outside and he pleaded for me not to leave, he said he would  take care of us and we wouldn’t have to want for anything. I kissed him on his lips lightly, told him I loved him, but I needed to bounce. Shad was suppose to be going to work and try to better himself, but you know what they say, “you can take a nigga out the hood but can’t take the hood out that nigga.” Now I was back at square one and right back with the nigga who told me not to leave, but he never said he told me so and I loved him for that. Sometimes I even asked myself what the fuck was wrong with me. Quincy adored me, he thought more of me than just a pretty face and a fat ass. He knew how smart I was. There were times we would sit and just talk about what was going on in the world. He was the smartest guy I ever met. He had potential to being what ever he chose, but he let the dope game choose him. With a little help he could run his own business, have things that mattered in life: a house, picked fence, living in the nice part of town, but I don’t think he wanted that life. Who knows what crosses this boy mind. I even heard he’s killed niggas, but I didn’t dare ask him and besides it wasn’t my fucking business. I knew when he was ready to talk, I would be the first person he turned to because we had that bond. That was why I didn’t jump in bed with him, not that I didn’t care, I cared to much. I didn’t wanna ever fuck up the friendship we had and I never wanted him to see me as some bitch. And he said that would never occur but those types of things always did.