Do You See Me Now ??

Forgiveness ? Hell no.

Once my moms finished her mental breakdown she gave my forehead on last kiss and left. Even though this is the first time my mother expressed any type of emotion towards me , I was no where near forgiving her. Now she loves me? What about all those times I needed my mother and she wasn't there for me.

The first time I got my period I was about 12 years old. I remember the day clearly. It had been a terrible day in school. Jen was absent and the blonde squad as I like to call them took their time tormenting me that day. I was a secluded shy person and didn't know how to stand up for myself. They pulled my hair throughout the day when we shared a class. I had spent three hours the night before completing my art project they threw it in the toilet after they stole it from my book bag when I was talking to the teacher in the front of the room. To top it all off when I got home and used the bathroom I noticed this stain on my underwear. I remember reading about girls and periods. I tried to tell my mom but she wouldn't listen and never replied. I asked for pads and she also continued to ignore me. I ran to Jen's house in tears when her mother opened the door for me and asked what happened. When I told her she took me and Jen to the store and bought me pads. She also explained more period related stuff to me and Jen. She was the mother figure I needed in my life.

Another time I needed my mom was when Jen had died. She wasn't there for me. I had no one to talk to. The day of the funeral Aaron had been extra mean and played a multiple pranks on me that day with Sam. Like, when I was sleeping he cut a chunk of my hair out. Later on that day he stained the black dress with paint that he accidentally got on it. Sam would help him with everything. That day I didn't only cry for Jen but for the life I was living. I didn't understand what love was and till this day the only love I knew was sisterly love from Jen.

Before I could open my eyes I heard the door opening. I didn't feel like talking or dealing with anyone so I avoided a confrontation and just kept my eyes closed. Once they entered the room, and sat down the awful smell hit me. Damn, I'm the one that was in the hospital after a wreck and I didn't even smell like that.

The door opened once again after the person next to me sat silent for -what I assume was about five minutes.

"Aaron, your mom told me to tell you not to take too long. She said once you shower, eat, and then sleep you can come back and stay as long as you want." I recognized the voice as Sam's.

"I'm fine, I think I should stay here."

"Man you threw up all over yourself, you're not fine. You smell like shit." Someone had to tell him I was trying my hardest not to gag and blow my cover that I was still unconscious.

***
Twenty minutes after Aaron left a nurse came in to check on me. My heart was still clenched thinking of  Ms. James. Tears started spilling out. The nurse stared at me in concern and sympathy.

"Hun, do you want me to call your family in ?" She asked after she finished writing her notes down. What family? I really don't even want to see them. I don't think I could forgive my mom anytime soon, if ever. She lied this whole time. I already made up my mind that I was gunna go with my real father, that's if he was serious about taking me with him. Also, Aaron is now sorry ? Too late for that. That doesn't change all that shit he put me through.

"No, can you please tell them that I'm still sleeping and shouldn't have any visitors, please." I pleaded.

"Are you sure?" To which I just responded with a head nod. She walked out after lightly closing the door.

   My stomach rumbled and I just ignored it. My head was pounding just thinking of everything I missed out on with having a real father. Thinking of Ms. James and how she was supposed to go stay with her brother.  I closed my eyes and ended up dosing off.

   I woke up to a loud noise in the room. Why are they in here ? The yelling was getting louder.

"No! You can't take her with you," Aaron yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Like you have any say in the kid." My real father said.

"Mom , you're really going to let him take her" he asked incredulously.

"Aaron do you really think it's best  if she stayed here with us? I love her but she needs this." She said sobbing.

   I finally decided to say something, even though it wouldn't ease Aaron up. Like I honestly cared if he agreed with what he had to say.

"I want to go with him."