Abused || phan

Chapter eight

Authors note:
Yeah it's been a while.. I've had loads of homework and stuff but I'm gonna try an get back into this! Also the next few chapters are probably gonna be Phil's POV , enjoy :-)
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Phil's POV

To Chris and PJ I was happy, but I still felt a horrible pain in my chest whenever I thought about Dan. Most people would say "well don't think about it then" but when you have cause someone enough pain to end their life it's hard not to. We decided to go to Chris's house as his parents were going to be out for the weekend and this is the kind of shit you don't want to be caught doing. When we got to his house we went down to the basement. I'll admit I'm quite nervous. This isn't the first time I have done this but last time I got these crazy hallucinations and they scared the crap out of me. Chris and Peej don't know why I'm upset but they definitely know somethings wrong with me. I'm not going to tell them, they will probably laugh and say something like "well the faggot deserved it" and that's what I used to think. But now he has actually done this I hate myself for it.
After we had made sure all the doors were locked and we were definitely in privacy, PJ started chopping the powder into small lines and Chris started rolling bank notes so it would be easier to snort it. By now all my nerves had vanished, I just wanted to get high and forget all of this misery that has consumed me. I know this will make me feel better. Chris passed me a rolled up note and I sniffed the first line. It burned my nose but the sensation was good. I then snorted a second line. I felt the same burning sensation but I could feel my sadness slowly being taken over by the happiness of the high. Before I knew it I had used the whole gram. I felt amazing, my sadness was completely gone. However, I craved more of the substance. I asked Chris if there was any more and he replied "dude don't over do it, you've already had a lot". I didn't care. "Aw come on Chris the lads enjoying himself, he's not even upset anymore! A few more lines won't hurt" said PJ. Chris nodded and let me carry on. Now I know that I should have listened to Chris and that PJ was 100% wrong. It did hurt me.

Later that night

"You killed him"
"You disgusting piece of shit"
"You're so stupid, even your own father hates you"
My head was filled with these voices. They wouldn't shut up. My high had gone and now I was left with these horrible voices torturing my mind. Chris and PJ were blacked out. Why did I do this too myself?
"Always thinking about yourself Phil, what about Dan? He's dead and it's all your fault"
NO SHUT UP!
Why was this happening to me? Why would they not go away? I was crying and screaming now. PJ and Chris still didn't wake up. What was happening to me? Am I going crazy? I couldn't even think. My mind was being suffocated by these dark thoughts.
"You're a worthless piece of shit"
"You're so stupid"
NO! I can't handle this! I need air. I quickly stood up grabbed the keys and ran out of the door. When I got outside everything seemed too loud. There was so much going on around me I couldn't process anything.
"Jump in front of the car."
"Go on. Do it"
"Just jump, no one will miss you"
"Jump jump jump jump"
They were over powering. Taking over me. It's like they were controlling my actions as I found myself walking towards the road and I couldn't do anything. How easy would this be? I could just end it all. No more abuse, no more sadness. And Dan would be happy without me. In fact everyone would be happy without me. I cause so much pain and misery.  I stepped into the road. My breathing quickened.
"No don't."
"Don't do it"
"Don't jump"
Before I had time to realise what I was doing, a car came speeding towards me. The screech of the breaks and people screaming "call 999!" Were the last things I heard before everything went black.
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AH poor Philly. Also my internet history is now filled with things like "how to take cocaine" "how much cocaine is too much" "can cocaine cause hallucinations" etc so I might need to clear that. Oh and I don't have schizophrenia myself and that will be mentioned a lot so if I get anything wrong I'm so sorry, I'm just using the Internet. I hope you enjoyed,  pls vote and share with your friends :-) x