Pretend it's Cluedo

Rather die with than live without

*time lapse of about a month*

John awoke to the sound of Sherlock's violin filling the flat. It was a melancholy tune that hit his ears, but that did not surprise him: he hadn't heard a single major chord grace the strings of that violin for as many days as he could count. He rolled over in the bed, reaching his arm out to the empty side of the bed: it was warm, Sherlock hadn't been playing long. He sat up and stretched slightly, and looked at the clock at the side of the bed, it was 02:31am. Not that that surprised John either: it was rarer he wouldn't hear Sherlock playing at this time in the morning, Sherlock couldn't seem to sleep through the nights anymore.

Normally John would leave Sherlock to it, it was easier to ignore it than try and get him to open up, but this morning something was different, and John knew he had to get up and see him.

After he had put on a pair of pyjama bottoms, John plodded quietly through the hall, and stopped in the front room doorway. Sherlock was stood at the window, no lights were on, so he was silhouetted against the streetlights. John could make out the shine off Sherlock's silk robe, and the moonlight bouncing off his pale face.

"Hey, midnight musician." John said in little over a hushed whisper. He smiled at Sherlock.
"John..." Sherlock stopped playing, and turned to look at John.
"You okay?" John walked towards Sherlock, he expected a "yeah fine" in answer.
"Not really, John..." Sherlock froze to the spot and John embraced him.
John looked up at Sherlock: "are you going to tell me what's going on in that brilliant mind of yours?"
Sherlock removed himself from John's embrace and took John's hand before leading him back to his own bedroom.
John took off his trousers so he was back to being naked and climbed into bed. Sherlock dropped his robe to follow suit. They both propped themselves up, and John took Sherlock's hand, before turning to look at him. Sherlock turned his face away.
"Talk to me Sherlock. I know you've been trying to deal with this alone, but I've also heard you playing every morning."
Sherlock ignored John's comment. "Did you know he died at 2:28am in barts?" Sherlock asked John. "He died because I didn't work it out in time."
"It wasn't your fault Sherlock. You aren't God, you can't blame yourself for every wrong."
"John..."
"You saved good people Sherlock."
"But I let him die."
"He wasn't a good man."
"That doesn't mean he deserved it."
"Sherlock..."
Both men were growing more desperate.
"I can never know why he did it."
"He did it because of love Sherlock."
"Then why did he jump?"
"It was love Sherlock." John was semi shouting. He stood up. "It was love God damnit." John paused, and calmed his voice slightly. "Sherlock," he was whispering, "he was unstable... I was unstable... I never let you find out, but when you were gone... I- I-..." John was crying at this point. Sherlock got up and pulled him back into bed, then pulled him into his chest. "I took an overdose when you left, Sherlock, Mycroft saved me, I swore him to silence to anyone, and I suppose that included you." He paused to wipe his eyes. "God damn it you saved me when she left..."
"I think I understand." Sherlock paused, kissing John's forehead. "It was easier for him to die with than live without." John nodded. "I love you John."
"I love you too, but you need sleep."

A/n: sorry it's short but I kinda like it, the conclusion will be next, and then a short epilogue (both of which I've yet to actually write). I may take a while to update, I apologise: I have so much work to do, but I will try to update soon! Hope you liked it any ways ~ WIW out! :)