Leather Kisses

Leather Kisses. 22

I slammed the stall door behind me, and threw my face over the toilet bowl. I heaved a few times, trying to relieve myself of the nauseous feeling that rested in the pit of my stomach.

I came back to school, only to discover my life in ruins.

It was a domino effect; breaking up with my boyfriend triggered my new attitude, which launched a disturbance in the natural order of things, causing this disaster. As I slung myself over the toilet seat and whimpered quietly to myself, I couldn't help but wonder if I had done the right thing.

Sure, being with Blake wasn't healthy. That was obvious. But when I was with him, my life was solid and secure. There was no guessing, no surprises, no turn of events. As much as I hated it, I took for granted the peace that came with it. I was in pain, but I could have suffered quietly.

These days, nothing was quite normal. My family was falling to the wayside of disagreement, my once planned academic path was now a blur, and the fear for my life was growing by the day.

Thinking about this more, another question popped up: who was I? No doubt I was breaking out of the shell I had lived in for so long, but was I the person I pretended to be now? Was I as fearless as I looked and acted? Did I really give a damn?

Of course I did. College still meant everything to me, and certainly I was still scared.

So who was I?

Maybe I didn't fit into either shells. Maybe I was somebody else. Maybe I was nobody.

I pulled myself up from the bathroom floor and went to the sink, where I splashed my face over and over again with cold, bone-chilling tap water. I looked at myself in the mirror, as I always did. My hair was still brown, my eyes were still light, and my skin was still fair.

I endlessly searched myself for some outer change that would match the change I felt inside of me. Despite the alteration of my make up and clothes, my physical appearance still looked the same . . . to me at least. It was hopeless, because I knew no matter what, I wasn't going to be satisfied. So I left.

Stumbling out of the bathroom, I ran into a familiar face. His intimidating, piercing blue eyes and tousled blonde hair passed me by as if I was invisible. He was too absorbed in his newest victim who held on his arm - a brunette, wearing a cardigan and skirt - who went by the name of Emily Carter. Like me, she was in the top 10% of the class. I had been replaced. Scoffing, I shook my head and concluded that some people never changed. I only hoped that Emily wouldn't end up suffering a fate similar to mine.

A few minutes later, I ran into another familiar, but more comforting face. Dean threw his arms around me. I held him close, and nuzzled my cheek into his broad chest.

"Are you okay?"

I sniffled, thankful for his sensitive nature. He always knew when something was wrong, and knew when it was best not to ask about it.

"I'll be fine."

He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. "I had a feeling your first day back was going to be rough. I got a pass from class, so I'm all yours for the rest of your free period."

"Thanks Dean," I huffed out. "Wanna go sit outside in the courtyard?"

"Won't you be cold?"

Dean gazed at me with his gorgeous, mysterious eyes, which instantly put me in a good mood. Just being around him made me feel better.

I shook my head. "I've got my leather jacket," I winked. "I'm set."

We traveled through the hallways, hand in hand, until we found one of the doors that led out to the main courtyard. It was deserted and quiet, with only nature as our accompaniment. The grass was coated in a thin frost layer, and the bare trees swayed in the breeze. We parked ourselves in the field, and laid down on our backs, side by side.