WØRDS [Peterick]

six

"What about Pete? Where is he? How is he?", I almost screamed, "Is he alive?", I added distinctively more quietly. Monica looked at me sympathetically. "He is in a coma right now. He lost too much blood, but he will make it", she reassured me and I sighed in relief. "Thanks." "Your parents are waiting outside. Shall I get them?", she asked. I just nodded, not wanting to talk about how Thomas wasn't my father.

My mum and Thomas came into the room a few moments later, both looking very worried. "How are you?", my mum asked immediately. "I'm fine, mum. Monica said I can leave this evening", I said. "Yeah, she told us, too", Thomas said.

I then realised that I didn't even know what time it was. "What time is it?", I asked. "Two pm", my mum answered. I had been sleeping for almost a whole day then. "Tuesday", my mum added. "Wait, what? I've almost slept for two days?", I asked kind of shocked. My mum just nodded. That was why they were so worried.

I had to think about Pete again. I needed to see him. Now. So I tried to get up again although my head still hurt. "Patrick, you should stay in bed I guess", Thomas told me. "But I need to see Pete", I said not stopping to get out of bed.

Luckily I could carry the drip with me. Mum and Thomas didn't try to hold me back which I was thankful for. When I got out of my room I immediately went to find Monica. Fortunately she was in the nurse's office. "Monica?", I asked and she got to the front, "Where is Pete? Which unit?" "Uhm, I guess he is still on the intensive care unit", she told me while thinking, "last time I checked he was in room 5." She smiled at me and I made my way to the staircase. "Fourth floor", Monica yelled after me.

I had been on the second floor, so I had to take the elevator two stories up. When I got to the door, a nurse just got out. She looked at me quizzically. "This is the intensive care unit", she told me. "Yeah, I know. I need to see someone." "Are you related?", she asked. "Uhm... well, he's my ... boyfriend", I said awkwardly. She looked at me for a moment, probably thinking about if this was enough. "Well, okay then", she finally said and opened the door for me.

"Who is your boyfriend?", she asked after we got inside. "Pete. Pete Wentz", I told her. "Ahh, yeah, room 5", she said and lead me there. "He's still in a coma. But he's stable", she told me and opened the door for me.

I went inside and saw Pete lying on the one bed that was inside the room. He was connected to some devices, but not that much. It could probably have been worse. He looked so peaceful just lying there. As if he was just sleeping. He had a bandage around his left arm and an IV placed into his right hand. He probably got liquid nutrition through it.

The nurse left me alone with the unconscious Pete and closed the door. I sat down next to Pete and took his hand in mine. I didn't know if I should say something, if he could hear me. I wanted him to hear me. But I didn't know what to say.

"Pete ...", I started, "I don't know what to say, but I just really hope you'll wake up soon. I ... I love you." I had started crying again and couldn't stand seeing him like this. I kissed him on the forehead and then went back to my room where mum and Thomas were waiting for me.

"How is he?", my mum asked. I looked at her, not knowing what to say. And when I tried to tell her that he would be okay, I couldn't. No words came out of my mouth. Again I felt like choking. Why couldn't I talk anymore? I had just talked and also without stuttering. Why didn't it work anymore?

I felt lost. I felt sad. But I also felt nothing. I just wanted Pete to be okay. And I wanted to be able to talk to him.

.

We left the hospital at about six pm and I immediately went to my room when we got back to our house. I grabbed my guitar and started playing absent-minded. I sang along to some of my favourite songs. I tried to distract myself, but whenever I played a song Pete liked, I had to think about him again.

I didn't know why I felt this bad. He wasn't dead. He was just in a coma. The nurses told me he was going to be fine. I still felt so hopeless. It was just too much.

I decided to go to sleep but I couldn't fall asleep for several hours. I kept overthinking again and when I woke up that night crying and screaming because of a nightmare I didn't even questione it.

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My mum wanted my to stay at home the rest of the week, but I needed the distraction school brought, so I went.

I knew I had to tell Joe and Andy about what happened. Or at least that Pete was at the hospital. I probably shouldn't tell them that it was a suicide attempt.

They were really happy when they saw me coming into the classroom, but looked concerned when Pete didn't came in after me. "Is Pete still ill?", Joe asked immediately. I just nodded my head sadly. "Is everything okay with you?", Andy asked worriedly. I shook my head and pulled out my whiteboard. I had hoped I could keep it at home after Sunday's events, but now I couldn't even talk to my mum anymore. "Pete's at the hospital", I wrote.

Joe and Andy looked shocked. "Shit! Why?", Andy asked. "I don't think I can tell you. You need to ask him", I wrote down. Joe sighed. "Okay, but do you know how he is?", he asked. "He's in a coma, but the nurses said he will make it."

They both didn't really look content with that, but didn't ask further questions.

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School didn't have the effect that I had hoped but it was probably better than staying home. After school I went to the hospital to just see Pete. He looked like the day before. Not worse but also not better.

Visiting Pete became my routine over the next few weeks. And everyday the nurses told me he would wake up soon. I didn't know if I could believe them anymore soon. I hated how Pete didn't wake up. I just wanted to be able to talk to him.

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But the worst day was about a month after the attempt, when my mum came into my room to tell me to come down to talk to her and Thomas. I was kind of curious but also not. I didn't know what to feel most of the time, so I just followed her.

And what she told me then was worse than everything I could've imagined and I ended up screaming at the walls in my room afterwards.

My mum eventually came into my room when I had calmed down again. But I was crying then. She hugged me and told me that she was sorry.

Why did we have to move away? Again? And why now? When I couldn't even tell Pete? That was not fair! And also we would move to Portland. Portland! That was across the country. Again.

I had never hated moving, because I never had real friends anywhere. But now it was different. Completely. I didn't only have friends. I had a boyfriend.

I didn't understand that.

Sure, my mum got a new job offer, but why did I have to move with her? I would be 18 in a few months anyway. Shit.

Thomas wasn't really sad about that. Yeah, why shouldn't he? I would move with us. That wasn't a bad thing. The bad thing was just moving at all.

I hated it.

I hated that I only had one week left.

I hated how Pete would probably not wake up in that week. And even if he did he would probably fall back into the coma when I told him.

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And I was right. Pete didn't wake up until I had to go. I had written him letters for when he woke up. I had said my goodbyes to his parents, to Joe and Andy and to everyone else I wanted to say goodbye to.

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I had tears in my eyes and not spoken at all for five weeks when Thomas started the car.

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Whoops. Sorry for not uploading in forever again.
And sorry for what happens in this chapter.

- jo