A Wave from Space

A meaningless existence

It didn't last long. She turned on his implant immediately. Under other circumstances I would think that I imagined his painful expression. But I know now.

Doc is alive alright. He is in this body. Trapped, in pain and wanting to die. I have to help him. It is the least I can do for him, before I'm gone too.

I don't let pain show on my face. She is watching for my reactions and I need to make sure she doesn't suspect a thing. If I can get Doc close enough, I think I can end his life.

I relax my grip on Derek just slightly, and move the knife away from the base of his skull. Not enough to hinder me if I need to kill him. Just enough to make her feel this as a gesture of my surrender.

"Paul... I thought you were gone..." Tears come easily in my eyes. She'll probably won't know the difference between grief and relief.

"Yes Mike, everything is alright." He tries to smile, failing spectacularly. He doesn't unlock the door. She wants to reinforce the image that this walking prison is my friend. I have fooled her into believing that I believe her. Will she feel anything when she understands that she has been outsmarted by a primate?

"Help me Doc, help me. I'm in so much pain, you can't imagine what all this felt like. I want to feel peace, I want to go home." Just a tingle of unstableness. Let her believe that I might do something stupid after all. Get him to move closer, away from the door.

"All that you have been through has left you scared. She can take that pain away. Touch your brain in ways the opioids never could. You will feel happy, relieved, whole." This could have worked on me in the past. We are our actions and just a look at all the traces I left on the internet, my searches and my chat logs, show that I am what she thinks I am. A high functioning junkie. I want to throw up. But my mask must stay on, for my friend.

"Doc... Paul... Take this knife from me. I am too much of a coward to drop it." I wonder if I am overdoing my part. Does she know that humans can have such conflicted feelings?

It works. He walks to me. Just a little closer. His expression is blank once more, but I can only look at his eyes staring right at mine. He doesn't look like a puppet anymore. Just sober.

He is in range, I should attack him now, but I can't. Just one more moment to look my old friend. And he comes even closer. I must move.

But Derek's body moves first. He tries to duck, while still on my headlock and at the same time Doc punched me straight in the nose. The pain is unimaginable, but the feeling that I failed is much worse. She saw right through me.

Derek got away from me and Doc kicks me in the stomach with everything he got. I can't fight to kill him anymore. My body is failing me. I fold over and Doc seizes this chance to throw his knee on my face. A normal human would not be that relentless.

I back to a corner still holding the knife. Derek has unlocked the door. Other puppets, flood the room surrounding me. They are closing in on me. There are only a few seconds to act and there is only one thing I can do. I steady the knife against the wall and look at it. One headbut and it would all be over. I wouldn't think about any of this any more.

The moment I had was wasted on hesitation. Someone grabs my head. Another kicks my hand and I drop the knife. More hands are on me, preventing me from moving. Doc is one of them.

"Paul, please Doc. Please come back. Save me." I don't make any sense. Doc isn't in there. I can see it in his eyes. They contain no mercy, or anger, or sadness. Pure apathy. And yet I saw before that he is alive in there, watching all this and I failed to save him from this hell.

They force me on the bed, strapping me in so I can't escape. This can't happen.

"Wait! Stop! Please let's talk about it." But she does not respond anymore. It feels like it is beneath her to talk when she has nothing to gain by doing so.

Doc moves over to me holding a needle. He reminds me so much of the night he took care of me. My eyes tear up and I resign to my fate.

My body is paralysed. There is a sharp pain as the drill breaks the skin of my skull but after that I don't feel the hole being drilled on the bone. The series of electrodes go in and touch my brain. I know they touch it, because it works unnaturally. I feel artificially calm and queasy from the disgust. I live to serve her. No this isn't my thought.

Other electrodes go in and she reaches deeper parts of my being, things that nobody was allowed to touch and rewired them. I don't know if she did it on purpose, but my memories come back horrifying. My mother is no longer my mother, but a expressionless zombie that hunts me down with her long talons. I want to remember my own face, to remind me of who I am, but my face is melting and transforming into a demon I saw in one movie. Doc's face is full of cancerous tumors, with the bottom half of his face being bitten off. I try harder to remember his real face but the harder I try the worse he becomes.

She opens a third hole in my brain. At this point I don't care about pain. She keeps me calm with a slow heart rate, but the feeling that this is all wrong and I'm trapped in hell doesn't go away. I should have killed myself. Why didn't I do it? Coward. Loser. Failure. Junkie. Idiot. I never used such strong words for me and it is not that I want to torture myself over my wrong decision. But the extra wiring messed up some inner sensor.

The third hole is open and another set of electrodes go inside me. Everything is spinning. I wait for the dizziness to stop, but it doesn't. I will throw up. No. She sends a signal to suppress my vomiting reflex. But the spinning doesn't stop.

Someone loosens my restrains. I want to jump up and do something, anything about this. But I can't. She opens my eyes. This makes the spinning so much worse because now I can see it in the real space.

Testing vocal operation. I open my mouth and speak. I can hear words coming out, but they are alien to me. English. I'm locked out of my language center. I won't be able to talk to anyone. I won't even be able to understand anyone who talks to this body. I'm cut off completely from other humans. My mind is screaming, but nothing comes out of my mouth. Only she can control my mouth. I can't even groan. She controls my breathing as well.

Testing fine motor control. My hands move on their own. Fingers moving normally. My body is not my own anymore. I'm trapped in here, and forced to watch my body move on its own. I'll do whatever you tell me. Please, stop this.

I don't know if she can read my thoughts, but she doesn't seem to care about what I'm thinking. Doc gets out of the door and she makes me follow right behind him. Doc is alive in there, suffering just the way I did and I failed him. I want to feel guilt, but she doesn't let me. The thought stops on it's tracks with a flash of light.

The vertigo is worse after that. I would have fallen over if I was in control of my body. I want to fall over and scream. I would help her take down Earth if only she let me scream. Thankfully she doesn't give me this choice.

I can't live another second like this. My vision is a blur, my balance is shifting, my body does not respond to me, I lost my ability to understand language and my ability to express it. I can't even think whatever I want without her stopping me. How will I live for days or even years like this? What if her promise to keep me alive forever was a true one? Oh god, oh god, please no. Please god kill me. Kill... No. She stops that thought with another flash of light.

Storage opens. I see the others. Everyone lined up, holding still. Ready to serve her. We are all just gears for the machine.