Alone

1.

I rolled out of bed on a Monday morning, completely unprepared to face anything the day had to throw at me.
It was a bright day, the sun fuller than ever, but still breezy . A perfect day. One that did not match my mood.

I suppose it is possible you're wondering why im such a terrible mood, well actually I don't really have a reason. But must I have one? I'm forced to live in a world with people who disagree with everything I do.
Every move I make, every word I speak someone is just waiting to criticize. They don't care if your feelings are hurt or if you cry. They don't care.
I had to learn that the hard way. In fact I had to learn a lot of things the hard way. Things never came easy to me. I never was that girl with rich parents who took her out for ice cream when she got good grades or was waiting there with a smile when she got home from school each day.

Quite the opposite actually. I grew up without a dad. He was shot when I was seven. The cops say it's was a suicide. but I know what really happened. I saw it.

Quite a scaring thing, to see your own father taking a gun to the head  by a stranger. I was out going for ice cream with my older brother when I couldn't sleep at midnight and fell a little behind as we were walking.

As the typical street murders go, dark ally, hooded figure, pistol.

I don't know what happened to get my father shot, what he did. The question destroys my mind every day.

"Why?"

I couldn't see my dads or the mans face but I knew it was him. I don't know how but I did. And it turned out to be.

It was later I found out that the man with the gun was my dads drug dealer. Crystal Meth to be exact.

No one knew what was going on until it was too late.

Sure we all realized he was acting different but he was never around enough for it to concern us.

Today it still baffles me how we weren't concerned that he was never home.

I still remember the look on my mothers face when the police knocked on our door.

She raised us alone, my brother and I. She never remarried. She tried dating but it never worked out.

She was a great mother, always giving us all she had even when she had nothing. She'd work night and day just so we'd always have something to eat. An inspiration, really.

I try my best to chip in as much as possible, even got a job as a waitress at Denny's.

**********************************

I fell out of my bed onto the floor and winced. The sudden hardness of the tile and pain in my head dragged me into reality by my ankles.

I adjusted my head to side in order to become more comfortable and I noticed my old diary lying on the floor under my desk.

It's  been ages since I've written in that.

I decided to open it again just to see what id written years ago.