THE GAY ADVENTURES OF QUEER.GERARD

chapter 1

I trudged down the marble grand staircase of our mansion, only to be greeted by the sound of Owen viciously belting out the lyrics to "Howl" by Florence and the Machine. He was doing a little dance along with it that consisted of a lot of hands and hips being flailed around. Dan and Charlie sat at the old beat up couch that we never had the heart to throw out. There are rips lacerating the fabric, causing clumps of a pale yellow spongy material to poke out. Charlie sat upright, videotaping the soon-to-be Broadway musical Owen was creating on his silver iPhone5s. Dan was laying across the country with his feet on Charlie's lap, taking up as much space as humanly possible.

Having enough of this freakshow, I strolled into the kitchen only to find Sam sucking a banana... Again.

"NAKEDSAMUEL FOR THE LOVE OF PETE WENTZ PUT THAT DOWN!!" I ordered. Sam stood there, fear in his eyes as he slowly pushed the entire banana into his mouth, chewing only four times before swallowing the banana and running out of the kitchen. That kid is an idiot.

"Okay but like," I started, walking out of the kitchen and into the living room where Owen was now watching the video of him, sitting on Dan's legs, "did you guys already have breakfast or..?"

"I think Viana and Zara went out to buy some." Charlie said, not taking his eyes off of the screen.

"What are you talking about? We're right here." Viana objected as she ran down the staircase in her purple panda covered pajamas, making all four of them jump at the sudden realization.

Living with these idiots is a pain. No one does the chores until the living conditions are physically unbearable and every night there's different music coming from each room. I share a room with Sam, Dan with Char and Owen, and Zara with Viana and Raven. It was probably a really bad idea to put all three of the most talkative beans in the same room, considering there is always some weird rumbling noise or maybe even a scream cutting through the threshold out of their room. 

We've named each quarter. The room Sam and I possess is called the CapShack considering at least one of us is usually wearing a hat of some sort. I prefer snapbacks to beanies, but Sam wears a beanie like a turtle wears his shell. 

Owen, Charlie, and Dan's room is called the Surveillance room because they have concealed the dark red walls with millions of band posters, all with their eyes staring directly at you and into your soul as if they know your secrets and everything else about you. No one who doesn't already sleep in the Surveillance room likes to go in there, especially at night, we're all fucking wimps who scream when a cat meows.

Zara, Viana, and Raven's room is aquarium themed so we call it the ClamShell because the walls have a mural of fish and seaweed and even a small goldfish who was painted on mistake. We named him Gerard the Goldfish. The floor has blue tinted carpets and the waterbeds are lined up in a perfect row.

"RAVEN, ZARA GET YOUR FUCKING ASSES DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW." 

Stomach growling, I strolled over to where the voice was coming from. 

"Hey, Zian, look at the news." Dan smiled, pointing at the flat screen mounted on the wall.

"Dictator Trump has decided that any person who has come out as a member of the LGBT+ community will receive the death penalty."  the lady telling the news shook her head. She was wearing a low-cut top with thin straps after the #12 Trump Law which took effect three days ago. It stated that all ladies over the age of thirteen aren't allowed to wear anything but shirts that are low-cut with 1/4 inch thick straps or less if the weather is 65 degrees Fahrenheit or more. Perv.

I turn back to see Zara and Sam shaking. Dan, Viana, and Char were in a state of shock and Owen was near tears.

"What do we do now?" Raven asked.

"We have two options," I started "We could either a) Blend in and pretend to be cishet." I saw the look of disappointed and dread fill the eyes of my best friends. "Or b) we could fight  back."

"Except it can't be one of those peaceful protests things, no. This has to be big." Zara said.

"We need to overthrow Dictator Trump."