On a String

Chapter 19

"...And I still wonder,
Why heaven has died.
The skies are all falling;
I'm breathing, but why?
In silence I hold on
to you and I...."
Fire And Ice' by Within Temptation.

She'll remember this as perhaps the worst experience of her life. Locked in a state of unrelenting stress for the previous quarter of an hour, she's felt pain- tense tendrils growing in her heart; snagging on her soul with sharp, piercing barbs- in a manner unlike any other agony she's ever experienced before.

(I can't breathe)

Waiting, waiting... she's gotten so bloody sick of sitting back and doing nothing as the seconds (which could be spent searching and finding) pass. Waiting is useless when there's a problem to be solved.

She'd pleaded for permission to join the search party. But Wu had ordered, in the sharpest voice she'd ever heard him use, for her to stay back. And even though he didn't vocalise the reason why, she knew it anyway. His brown eyes had told the truth a thousand times more honestly than verbal communication could.

They might find something she would rather not find.

(No.)

She didn't even want to think about that possibility.

The Master's concern for her was distantly reassuring, but it didn't make her feel any better. Nor did it do anything to dilute the anxious feeling taking root in her gut.

Families were supposed to stick together-to love and help each other- but with every second that passed, the chances of the two ninja returning quickly dropped. Somewhere, out in that desert (or even beyond it) was her brother facing (or, running from) only God knew what. And here she was, stuck safely in the Bounty's bridge.

A traitor. She felt like such a traitor. So dirty and bloody and dishonest that it hurt.

Her brother had always looked out for her, but now, in his time of need, she was doing nothing. Just waiting; sitting back with clasped hands and watching a blinking screen. Waiting for someone to call in over the radio. Waiting for him to be found. Waiting for him to fix himself.

A traitor.

Pounding the table in desperation seemed like a tempting idea at the moment, but the last thing she needed was Wu on her back, worrying that she'd go over the edge.

It took considerable effort to not scoff at that idea. She wasn't the one who needed help- Kai did.

And no one even knew where he was.

(He's lost. Lost. Gone...)

No. She refused to believe that. Better to look on the positive side- hold onto hope. He wasn't lost. Just... misplaced, was all.

... 'Misplaced'? Seriously?

Okay, so maybe she was a little more unstable (ha-ha...try 'crazy', girl...) than she'd first thought. Not good. Well, since the optimistic outlook wasn't helping, it was time to face this realistically.

(What were the chances of finding him?)

(Why had he run?)

... Would they find him if he didn't want to be found?

A shot in the dark...

Because it was so dark. And so cold.

The bitter truth was revealed a moment later when the radio in the Bounty's bridge crackled to life with Jay's voice. His voice, despite crossing through wires, radio waves and speakers, was still pained, and she felt her heart drop listening to it.