Forget me not

Chapter 10

Moving on. Thats what its all about, trying to forget the past and moving forward. Forget the people who left and hurt you, I just need to forget. But why am I lying, I will never forget, I just need to pretend I have and that I'm happy. No one cares about the true feelings I feel anyway so its all good.

But how can I move on when my best friend doesn't want me in her life anymore? How am I supposed to do that..

It's been 3 days since that party and I've tried texting Denise but she didn't reply. She doesn't want me in her life and I don't know what I have done. She just left me, like there was no friendship to begin with, like she didn't care one bit. That hurts the most because she didn't give me a reason, we didn't fight, didn't talk about it, she just left. Left me to all of this.

She knew everything about me, and I mean every little thing there is to know about me. She knew.

What happened to 'we will get through this together' and 'you will always have me'. What happened to all of the promises, all the things she said. They were all dirty lies. I guess she really didn't care.

Matt's been a bit distant too, I honestly don't understand what I have been doing wrong. Nash and I haven't spoken since the party. Ariana, Lana and I see each other in school and that's about it. I feel like right now I have no one again.

Why did she have to leave, she knew I already went through that when Matt left. Why is she making me go through it again? Does she want to hurt me this bad? I guess she does.

I hate being so helpess, I hate not being in control of my thoughts. I hate missing someone who doesn't want to be missed.

It was past midnight but I just couldn't sleep. I decided to google what type of medicines would lift someone's mood up. I'd take anything, anything I can afford I will try, anything to make me better, I am so tired of this. Constantly having to hold myself back from picking up the blade, constantly having to push the worse thoughts to the back of my head, just to have them come back the next evening. I am sick of this.

I found something, something that might help. I will try anything. I memorised the name and found a store that sells it and the price. It was fairly affordable and didn't need prescription, so I decided to buy it the next morning. It better help or I'm doomed.

***

The next morning once I set off to school after the usual morning routine, I stopped by the store which wasn't too far and picked up the little box with my happiness inside. The cashier giving me a slightly weird look but I ignored it. I also bought a water bottle so I could take some now.

I walked out and slipped the tiny capsule in my hand and the rest in my bag. I shouldn't be taking any types of medicine. It said I needed to be 18 but whatever, I only have 6 more months till I am anyway.

I pop the capsule in my mouth and swallow it with the water praying for some effect. It said I need to take three per day, so lets see how that works out.

After a small walk, I enter the school gates and go to my locker. Getting the books for the next class.

"Hey!" Ariana chirped next to me. I smiled and greeted her. "You ok?"

"Yeah why wouldn't I be?" I faked a smile as best as I can. Too many thoughts occupied my mind to be real right now.

"Just umm.. I spoke to Denise last night." She spoke as I moved all of my attention to her. "And she mentioned you, but said you were no longer friends." She said looking at me with sympathy.

I felt my heart drop a little, feeling the sinking feeling indicating I am about to break down. But I held it all in. Just like I always do.

"Oh that's ok I knew that." I said half lying. I knew we weren't ok but I didn't realise our friendship is completely done for. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'll meet you in class." I said walking away as fast as I can knowing I wont be able to contain myself for much longer.

I don't even know why I was getting so emotional. So my best friend, I mean ex best friend, said she isn't friends with me anymore. So what? Why am I so sad over this. Because I care, I care so so much.

I wait for the bell to ring before I come out of the bathroom, to find the halls empty. Just like I wanted. I don't care if I'm late, I just don't need more people bumping into me to make my day worse.

I walk down the hall in a moderate speed keeping my head low. Before bumping into someone causing me to stumble back slightly.

"Mia, you ok?" I hear the familiar voice before meeting the familiar brown eyes.

"I'm fine Matt, thank you." I fake a smile and attempt to walk away but he wraps his arm around my stomach pulling me back.

"I knew you since we were little eggs, tell me whats up." He insists.

"We're gonna be late for c-"

"I don't care, fuck school for now ok? I need to make sure you're ok." He says causing me to smile slightly.

"It's just too long to explain." I say looking down.

"Come with me." He says grabbing my hand and pulling me in the opposite direction of classes.

I was about to ask where we are going but decided against it. I trust him. That's all that matters for now.

We exit school, just as I expected and continue walking across the football field and into a woods area. We walk slightly deeper into the woods before we find a small log to sit on.

"Tell me." He focuses his gaze on me, his full attention on me.

And so I begin. I tell him everything. From how close me and Denise were, her promises, to how she just left. It took a lot of time since I'd occasionally pause or try not to cry at the memories but I finally said it. He never once left his eyes off me, he was listening so closely.

"Mia.. Why didn't you tell me before?" He asked with sad eyes.

"Because you weren't here. After the party you became a bit distant, so I figured I messed up again." I shrugged and that was the first time he took his gaze off me and directed it to the ground beneath his feet. Almost looking guilty.

"I'm sorry, its not you, I just.. Nothing, forget it. Just know I will always be here for you no matter what, that's a promise I wont break." He looked back at me.

I heard his words clear but he still seemed off about something.

"But why were you so distant?" I persisted.

"Doesn't matter forget it ok?" He shut me down again.

I sighed and nodded looking at the ground.

"Where would I be without you." I mutter not knowing if he had heard or not.

His arm wraps around my shoulder and he pulls me closer so my head is leaning on his shoulder.

"School probably." He laughed and I smiled.

I am so lucky to have him.