Chasing Shadows

21

"Why? I don't understand you. You don't love me when I'm not sick. Maybe you'll love me when I am." I said raising my arm so I could shove it into my vain.

"No Louis! Stop God dammit!" He shrieked now looking petrified.

"So now I'm Louis?" I said still having the needle raised. "See this is working." I smiled.

I then began to move it towards my arm.

"Stop!" Harry said crying. "STOP!" 

"Why?" I cry. "Why should I stop?"

"Because you shouldn't be doing this. You only live once and I don't want you ruining that."

"That's not a good enough answer." I said shaking my head. "I want you to love me Harry. I need your love."

"Well I can't give it to you." he whispered.

"Yeah. Because I'm not like you. Maybe when I become positive we can do it raw. Like you want." I joked as the tears flowed. My hand grew hot around the needle.

"You don't wanna become like me. It sucks. It fucking sucks and you don't want it. I don't want you to go through this. I wouldn't wish anyone this. Even if I hated them."

"Well I want you and I guess this is how I have to get you." I said and right as I was about to inject myself with the needle Harry ran and knocked me to the ground which knocked the needle out of my hands.

I fell onto my back and he fell on top of me.

"How can you be so fucking stupid!" He yelled in my face and then got up and off of me.

I just laid there on the ground crying my eyes out with my hands covering my eyes. I then sat up after a minute and hugged my knees. I looked over to Harry and he was sitting on the ground hugging his knees as well in the corner of the wall that leads to the kitchen.

"I need to leave. You can stay here. But I'm leaving." I said and got up.

I grabbed my keys and walked out of the house.

Harry didn't say anything to me. He just stayed there silently holding his knees.

I went to my car and drove to Liam and Niall's house. It's now a little past midnight so I know they couldn't be in bed yet.

I got there and parked in the drive way. I then went up to their door and knocked. Niall answered the door.

"Louis what are yo-" he started and then saw my crying eyes. "Oh no Louis." he said and then hugged me. "Come inside." he said as he took my hand.

We walked inside and Liam of course flipped shit.

I told them everything that happened. Yes they where very upset with me for trying to make myself positive but they where there for a shoulder to cry on.

After I told them I headed to bed. I just couldn't be awake right now.

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HARRY'S POV

I woke up on a hard surface. I opened my eyes and saw I was on the floor? What? I looked around. I got up and then was hit with a pounding head ache. Holy hell. I went to the bathroom and took some medicine. Then I went to go look for Louis. I couldn't find him. I walked back to where I was. I saw something on the ground. I went to go pick it up and saw it was a needle. Then everything came back to me.

The drinking, the drugs, the yelling, the crying, the pain, the memories, the moment I thought I lost Louis.

I can't believe I said all those things to Louis. God I probably made him cut! He's so fragile. That's why he lost it last night. I help him not think like that. God dammit I'm so fucking stupid. 

I need to see if he's okay. So I'll call him.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

"Hey this is Louis. Please leave your name, number, and the time you called. Thanks. Stay weird!"

That cutie.

"Hey Louis. It's me. Harry. It's like one in the afternoon." I said and then paused for a moment. "Look I'm sorry about everything. I didn't mean any of it. I was drunk and out of my mind. Please come home so we can talk. I have something very important to share with you. I love you." I said and then ended the call. Hopefully he will answer or come home.

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LOUIS' POV

  "Hey Louis. It's me. Harry. It's like one in the afternoon." Harry said and then paused for a moment. "Look I'm sorry about everything. I didn't mean any of it. I was drunk and out of my mind. Please come home so we can talk. I have something very important to share with you. I love you."  He said ending the voicemail.

I didn't want to hear this right now. He doesn't deserve for me to come back to him. He doesn't deserve to say he loves me. Not after what happened last night.

God what happened last night was horrible. It keeps replaying in my mind over and over and over again. The yelling and me almost putting a death sentence on myself. I can not believe I let myself break like that.

I'm so stupid. I deserved to be yelled at by Harry and then Liam and Niall when I told them the stupid mistake I did. I deserved it all. But I haven't yelled at myself yet. I need to be punished for this stupid ass mistake.

I got up and headed for my bag that I keep here at Niall and Liam's house in case I want to spend the night. I dug through it and found my box of razors.

Perfect.

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WELL. I've got nothing to say..... so like and comment :) ~ Ash