The Pursuit of Perfection (A Bucky Barnes Fanfic) [Sequel to Winter Is Coming]

Chapter 13: Ignite Me

"I'm playing with fire, with something I don't understand." –L.J. Smith

***

            Steve hits the icy water and instantly feels his head throb. Not long after, he's in another universe.

            Steve is finally getting his dance with Peggy. She's radiant, wearing a dress as white as the clouds and her classic red lipstick. They dance to every song that plays whether it be upbeat and sweat-worthy or downcast and slow. Even after they're the only two on the dancefloor, they don't dream of leaving.

            They go dancing the next night, too, and this time they have company. Bucky and Harley join them, along with Howard and Maria Stark. The music is simply there for background sound; Steve is sure he could dance to silence at this point. That's how good it feels to be home.

            But nothing lasts forever. Steve is at Peggy's bedside as she takes her final breath. He's in the experimentation room with Bucky, watching him getting brainwashed and sent out to kill. He sees Harley getting burned alive so that she can adapt. He sees war and blood and Red Skull and Zola and everyone who had to face Captain America.

            He sees the future again, and this time, he wants it.

            "STEVE!" Without thinking twice, Harley doesn't stop at the edge of the ice cap and jumps in right after him, ignoring the ice that immediately extinguishes her. She looks around the clear water for him frantically. He's farther down, still sinking, and she starts to swim towards him, but she doesn't get far. The cold has always been her worst enemy.

            She's back in that freezer. She's running away from Bucky. The menacing glare of his eyes and then half an hour later the sorrow and regret in them. Knowing that words are futile to assure him. Then he's shot and bleeding out on Stark's roof; she can't do anything because it's too late. He dies in her arms just like she did to him seventy years prior.

            She feels every sun injection she ever received and every brainwashing she had to go through and every flame that's touched her skin. Everyone she's ever burned and killed are ashes at her feet. Nothing reverses fire. Not even the coldest of soldiers or winters.

            In the freezing waters of the Arctic, she's certain she'll be able to hold on. She's been through worse than this. But as she raises her hand to her face, it's like she's watching a light switch flicker and burn out.

            The Summer Soldier has melted.

            To Bucky, the water temperature barely fazes him. Maybe it's because he's panicking, maybe it's because he knows he's the only hope; either way, he leaps in and doesn't notice the icicles penetrating his skin.

            Suddenly, as he reaches for Steve's arm, he remembers the day he made a rash (but great) decision to jump off the hellacarrier to save Steve. It was just like this but a bit warmer. He remembers walking away after that, confused and alone. He drags Steve up to the surface and lifts him out, then dives back in for Harley.

            Once everyone is above water, Bucky sits and catches his breath, but only for a second. He needs to get Harley and Steve back to warmth. Hell, he needs to get himself some heat. He's not worried if there's water in their lungs; they're super soldiers, a little water won't kill them. Just as he's picked up Harley and is turning to run back to the jet, Steve sputters and coughs water out of his lungs, spasms erupting and clouds of cold forming with every retch.

            "Steve!" Bucky calls. "Steve! Come on!" 

            Steve doesn't need to be told twice. He stands shakily, leaning on Bucky slightly for support. Besides his coughing, he seems alright.

            "What happened?" Steve asks. "Is Harley gonna be okay?"

            "She'd better be." Bucky runs into the jet. Steve volunteers to fly. "Are you sure? You're cold and—"

            "Buck, I got this." Steve is already stripping out of his wet clothes and grabbing a blanket from the emergency stash. He sits in the pilot's seat and cranks up the heat, taking off soon after as Bucky tends to Harley. Bucky reminds himself that the serum intensified almost every aspect of them; Steve is probably already warming back up after such a short pulse of cold.

            Bucky feels a bit frantic. He needs to talk to Steve about what the hell just happened, but Harley needs to come first. She could die if she freezes. Her pulse is slow, her skin is pale, and she's so cold, it almost stings to touch her.

            Bucky copies Steve and takes off his soaked clothes to wrap a blanket around himself. He can't help Harley if he passes out from the cold. He grabs the rest of the blankets. After taking off her clothes as fast as he can, he puts every blanket on top of her and lays her right below the heater. At this point, he knows she'll be fine, but he can't help worrying. He sits beside her and strokes her hair in an attempt to calm himself.

            "Steve, we need to talk," Bucky says to him, because they have six hours, and why not discuss this now?

            "I know," Steve responds. "I know. I'm so sorry." He puts the jet on autopilot so he can sit across from Bucky. "She'll be okay?"

            Bucky nods. Her skin isn't as pale anymore and she's starting to shiver, a good sign that her body is fighting against the cold.

            "I don't know what came over me," Steve says. "I just can't let go."

            "It's okay. It's not easy to let go of something as intense as what you went through. I promise, if you seek help, you will get better. PTSD is common. Go to Sam's seminar; you'll be in a room full of people who know what you're talking about."

            "Do you know what I'm talking about?"

            "Yeah," Bucky admits. "But it's hard for me to remember all the details. A lot of it is there, but fuzzy. It's not nearly as forceful as yours."

            Steve nods. "I thought I could go back. I guess that makes me crazy."

            Bucky shrugs. "You were just desperate. You've been through hell lately. I think you just needed a release."

            "Thank you, Buck, for what you said back there."

            "I meant every word."

            Steve leans forward to pull him into a tight embrace. "I know. I need you, too, Buck. I need both of you."

            "We're not going anywhere." Bucky pats him on the shoulder. Steve returns to flying, knowing that this time, he's going to fix himself. Bucky follows him after making sure that Harley is still warming up, and they talk about everything from old baseball games to what they should make for breakfast tomorrow. It's relieving to speak so casually.

            It's as if they've gone back in time.