how to keep falling + mgc

01;

one

+

the trouble with living in the city is the traffic. it's a buffering, never-ending, constant flow of citizens taking reign over the paved streets in new york. oddly enough, it's all but out of the ordinary. each person is trying and longing to reach their destination, which at times is only a few flimsy miles, and most times still lasts a lifetime for the journey. 

it's true some people may believe it's worth it to sit through traffic lights, aimless chitchat with cab drivers, and the drumming of steering wheels to pass the time all to arrive to their desired location. the big question being, how many seconds, how many minutes, how many hours, how many days would add up from that in the end of a glowing doom? a deathbed aligned with assortments of flowers and black-lining? how much enjoyment can be achieved from life sitting at the stop signs? or, how many floors did theodora believe she would rather fall from than exude herself to such activities?

it was all indefinite.

"theodora," a shrill voice pulls theodora's eyes to the culprit to her left.

"how many times will i have to tell you to put that napkin in your lap before you listen to me?" theodora's grandmother, eleanor, scolds from across the table.

the seventeen year old responds by rolling her eyes before she picks up the cream-colored piece of cloth, waving it around before softly placing it onto her thighs. a sarcastic smile entwined her features at her grandmothers shocked expense, "there, happy?"

with a disapproving shake of her head, the older woman turns back to the wine glass between her wrinkled fingers. and theodora's view takes a turn to the window ahead of her taking over the entire wall of the high-rise apartment complex. it stay taunting as she looks up to see blue and red combined together to make a pale shade of purple in the sky. the only thing she wanted was to be out there to breathe it in for herself. but alas, the only fumes left wafting around were by the air conditioning, waving in the spacious room of the beef stew left idly by, untouched on her plate. it made her stomach churn to even look at it.

"i'd be happier without the attitude, could you tone it down, missy?"

theodora shrugged, placing a hand under her chin. from past experiences she knew it was best not to fight with her grandmother. she thought about how it was the one and only thing in which they shared a common interest, and one that wouldn't bond their relationship further. they both loved to win, and knew either wouldn't stop until they did. it was better not even try for the trophy.

"no elbows on the table either." she snaps spitting through dark plum lipstick, "i'm not telling you twice this time."

the criticism was slowly picking pieces of her off like chipping pews in a church as she groans and obliges once more. this was what dinner had become for what theodora knew as what was left of the williams family.

instead of looking at her unappetizing dinner any longer, her gaze lifts for the second time that night. she glances at her grandmother to her left, and her mother to her right, who was staying silent. her gaze draws her attention back to the window every time.

in that exact moment, looking out at the world, theodora couldn't help but think that her favorite dinner guests were the pink clouds that lined the new york city skyline.

"so is that a yes? theodora," eleanor asked, and once again the clouds were pushed into the background.

"a yes? to what?"

"christ, judy, have you taught this girl nothing?" she sighs, and theodora's eyes are brought back to her deep-set brown ones as eleanor ignores her mothers try for words.

"i asked if that boyfriend of yours is coming to thanksgiving this year? i need to know for the invitations. they came yesterday and i had one made out for him. they're to be sent tomorrow morning, i'm having the maid send them out. if there's anything i need to know about—"

"he's not coming," she interrupted, "we aren't together anymore."

the two women simultaneously look up, one shocked and loud, one confused and silent. one girl nodding her head, her eyebrows raised and her hands waving them off, "it's not a big deal," she lies, the rush of it all runs right back through the windows to her mind. it was all about the fight, the crave, the angst, the walk, the door, and a smirk.

"just tell greta not to send his invite."

"who's greta?"

with another eye-roll, theodora finds herself standing and mumbling incoherently, "this is ridiculous, i need to get out of here."

she hurries out of the dining area, down the hall, making a right and ignoring the angry pleas to 'get back here this instant'. she didn't need this, she thought.

and in deed, the thought had crossed her mind numerous times. she envisioned herself walking out of the same dining room, and tonight was the night it finally happened. she had always pictured leaving being more of a cool strut than an annoyed jog, but it was still happening. and nonetheless, it was a new kind of exhilarating.