Broken Song ~ A Twilight Fanfiction

Broken Song ~ Part Two

There are sections quoted directly from Stefenie Meyer's work.

"Broken Song"

~ Edward's Point of View ~

There is also what Jacob said, how he immediately understood.

"Jeez, she's running true to form. Of course, die for the monster spawn. It's so Bella". I heard it in his mind then, and I still hear it in my memory now.

I cannot make myself understand why. Try as I might, I can't come up with a logic explanation for why she does this. But then, when is anything related to my Bella ever logic? Well, logic to me anyway, or logic to anyone else for that matter. Her thought process is hers and hers alone. In a way it goes hand in hand with her heart, and in the end, who am I to even attempt to judge?

~ & & & ~

I should have foreseen how she would react from the first moment though, since we left the island, and not have to hear it from Rosalie! Her, least of all! And while I can't understand why Bella is doing this, and wonder why she had to ask Rosalie for help, it does not matter, the need to protect her is as big as the fear of not understanding, if not bigger.

And here's where the most difficult challenge arises: How can I protect her from herself?

How is it that her regard for her own life is this meaningless to her?

While the struggle rages on in this silent heart, my eyes rest once again on hers and then I see it, that faint smile... she smiles at me, smiles at me for crying out loud! Faint as it may be, she gives her smile to me, and with it, all that she is; her kindness, her tenderness, her innate goodness, all the distinctive characteristics that make her the amazing girl that she is, all of the things that I discovered early on, before she knew I loved her, even before I myself discovered my love for her, all of it: she gives to me. How will I go on without her?

The answer is simple. I won't. I will not survive if she doesn't.

How can I dare hope to survive without my heart?

Living, even existing without her is useless.

~ & & & ~

About that, with Bella I learned that I can live and not just exist; going through the motions. Bella has taught me that I have a soul, that it is not lost, and if I move and breathe and feel and love, it is my soul the one that allows me all of that.

The sort of sustenance that most creatures on this earth need may not be what sustains me, though I may need something else entirely, there is some unexplainable energy that does flow through me, and her love has taught me to believe that it being different to most, it doesn't make it any less of a miracle. Blood may not run through my veins anymore, though it is what I need to live. But whatever force is at play so that I can be, it too is on its own, a gift. And however different from a human, my humanity has always stayed with me, it was never lost, I managed to ignore it for a while, and sadly this is the origin to many of my regrets. But bringing it back to the surface was all Bella's doing.

~ & & & ~