the f word

us

*Feel free to wait if you just want to get to the actual shit- but read on if you wish xo*

sarah;

songs I listened to whilst writing this:

Anyone Else But You by Ellen Page and Micheal Cera, Crosses by José González, The Great Escape by Patrick Watson (recommend you listen to it; so beautiful), Should Have Known Better by Sufjan Stevans, Expectations (Remastered) by Belle and Sebastion, Myriad of Troubles in the Old Blue Sea by Tom Rosenthal, Mt Washington by Local Natives.

I am not sure where to start, my heads just about exploding and its 3am and the best idea at this time is to write. Nostalgic calmness is all I can feel at the moment; and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Lets just say anxiety is my bff. We have got to know each other well over the years, and when it attacks me; it feels almost welcome. Its inescapable when you are as shy and awkward as me. Group conversations are hell. Parties are death. Boys are a distant dream. Trying does nothing. Part of the reason is because I am constantly on a computer or screen- and I hardly sleep. But that's ok because being on a screen is the only way I can be at peace with myself believe it or not. Forever I tried to be the 'popular girl' but I was never accepted.

Since the start of the year I have suffered with severe depression. Depression drains all happiness that flows in your veins.

I refused to go to school, I refused to live.

Pretty girls are untrustworthy. Being smart is dumb. Boys are untouchable unless you're perfect. Being popular is everything.

That's what society has taught me. And I hope to change that.

Sophie;

Songs I listens to whilst writing this:

Dying Ain't So Bad from Bonnie & Clyde the musical

There Are Worst Things I Could Do from Grease the musical

Part Of Your World from The Little Mermaid the musical.

As you can see, I love theatre, I guess it's easy to love something that allows you to hide your true self from the world each and every night.

Ever since a young age I've always wanted to do my best, as I got older, I didn't want to do my best, I wanted to not fail, I grew up leaning that failure is a sign of weakness. Everyday I see girls walking past me, doing greater things in their life than me. I get jealous of them, this ends with me being in a puddle of tears. I've never been sure why not failing was so important to me. I've dealt with failure and rejection, it gets easier through.

It's hard always being the "other friend" I guess there will always have to be that friend that-isn't as pretty, or smart, or skinny and can't talk to boys. I can freely say that I have been the so called "other friend" all my life. Ever since a every young age I had learnt to act if I'm fine and act if I have all the confidence in the world. Everyone sees how much confidence I have, I guess they think that they can treat me like shit and I won't care.

*our story*

(sorry I deleted it all soph, im such a bitch xo)

It was after drama; recess was in full swing and the day stretched before us like a long, judgmental red carpet. The halls were aligned with bitches swarming for the kill.

Trying not to cry sucks. Really bad. It jams up your throat so much; that when you try to tell everyone your fine, tears spill down your face like miserable rain drops.

This is an everyday reality that people face, not just us. But going to an all girls school kinda makes it worse, because you never get taught how to deal with it.

So Sophie thought; "I want help; other girls. Like this."

Happiness is a virtue. Sadness is a curse.

The only person who can make you happy

is you.