Tadhana ( Phan )

Tadhana

Author's note:

Tadhana, in my language (Filipino) means fate.

Also, I have another oneshot but it's like 90% done, so I'll just publish it tomorrow.

ALSO SLIGHT TRIGGER WARNING it's not much, but I'm kind of paranoid so yeah.

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I cannot call you the sky, for you are more complex than what people see every day. I long to call you with what I feel, and I am afraid I cannot as I have never been one to express with words. I desire to show you what I have wished for you to show me, but alas, I still cannot; you are far from my reach.

For the meantime, allow me to call you a galaxy, the only one I have ever known of. Painted with streaks of pink, and various colours of blue, green and purple, scattered with stars that are much too beautiful than diamonds, and I don't think I need to find anything more.

Let me call you the darkness, that is the reason the stars shine, and the colors glow. You do not go in the middle, yet what's behind all of it steals the show. That's why I'm not afraid of the dark anymore.

Let me call you the gravity, that pulls the planets toward you. One I simply cannot resist, no matter how hard I try, but why would I?

I have fallen in love, almost taking your beauty for granted. I have fallen in love, fallen too deep to ever reach your glorious, intensely colored skies again. Maybe that's the reason I cannot always answer questions involving you; there's so much to know about and the only way to know is to be with you.

If somehow, you can hear my wish, and notice the star I made upon a billion of other stars, maybe you can blanket me with your love, almost like how you blanket others with your selflessness. Yet, it seems quite ironic, and I do not wish to be selfish.

I have no right to call you mine, but you have every right to call me yours. As I am only a tiny speck of gold, trying to catch attention against all odds, I can stretch my hands but I still cannot grasp you, I can fly a plane yet it's still impossible.

If somehow, I could work this all out and go on a rocket. I would take the chance in a heartbeat, but I know astronauts do not work that way. I am not going to force you to love me.

If I'd ever cross the border of impossibility, I'd go for you, without anything, breathing in what makes me feel alive, forgetting what kills me.

As of now, I do not regret the time I have spent studying about you. Loving you each day. I see a shooting star fall from the skies from the window and I can at least say, my wish has been granted.

I thank gods for coming across you.

I have found something to describe you, and it's all perfect. You are the definition of life, an intense contrast to death, one I get to learn new things about every day.

So in loneliness I wouldn't stay.

It may seem ironic, but as I close my eyes and see light for the final time, I feel alive. I feel more alive than I have been when I could walk, sleep, eat and talk. Because I know that I'll be sent up to the galaxy I have always desired, and I could be with you once more.

I know I'm a meme, dork, nerd, sarcastic asshole or whatever, but I'll always remember that day, back when all I was to you was a fan stalking you on twitter.

Phil Howell, this was the most fun I have ever had.

Fin.

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