I killed myself August 12, 2005. I was only 17 years old. I hung my self in my dads garage. At the age of 9 my parent would fight...it became physical. At the age of 12 my parents got a divorce. It really tore me up. When I turned 13 that's when I stared getting bullied...people called me Whore, Slut, Lesbian...things like that. I would cry. I didn't want to go to school, I would cry everyday before I went. Going to school was like a punch in the stomach leaving pain that never left. And when I got in 9th would still call me names...but this they would throw my stuff around and beat me..they would punch me and kick me in the face. And in 11th grade it got worse...they would leave comments on my Instagram like "your such a whore...nobody like you slut, just go kill yourself! Everybody would be so glad if a bullet was in your head!" I just wanted it to go away. I would try to end the pain by cutting myself but it really happened. I was know as the Cutting Lesbian Whore...that's what everyone knew me by. So on August 12 I couldn't take it! I got rope and hung it from the bike rack in my dads garage. I wrote a note saying:
Dear Dad,
I put myself out of misery and pain. I never told you I was getting bullied almost all my life. It stared in 7th grade. They would call me a slut, whore..ect. And as years went by it only got worse...they began to tell me to kill myself. I though that cutting myself would ease the pain but it didn't. And I eventually got tired of the bullying...I thought about it harder and the world would be happier if I just killed myself. I hope your not upset, because everything everyone said about me was true. I hope you, mom and Jenny good luck. Tell Jenny that I'm gonna miss her, and that I love her..and that she shouldn't be sad.
- Jace
And I put my head through the rope and kicked the stool over. I hope my dad and sister would understand why I made my choice. I just...? I don't know.
If I can tell my sister Jenny anything it would be:
I love you more then anything in the world. Your the best sister anyone cold have. I always enjoyed hangin out with you, taking you places after work.
And I'm sorry to cause you pain...I never wanted to. Please don't be all upset about me...honestly it's nothing to be sad about. I am really sorry. Love you
And if I could tell my dad anything it would be:
Dad, you've done soo much for me, alot! You've always been there for me and supported me. I really love you. And even know we have argued and ignored each other it's was all a mistake, it's something I wish I can take back. God, I have many memories coming back to my head. I still remember when when you took me to the 30 Seconds to Mars concert. It was really....uhh, fun.
And don't be sad, I'm in a better place now. In a safe place were I can't be abused and threaten and all thatS I'm sorry is I cause you any pain. And I want you to know, take care of Jenny, she needs you more then anything now. I love you.
And if I could tell my mom anything it would be:
Your such a disappointment in life! You know, seeing you beat dad was the worse thing I ever saw I'm my life! Your such a fucking hypocrite, you back stabbing bitch! You know...I don't even think you loved me and Jenny...and you definitely didn't give to shits about! And I didn't fucking give any shuts about you too. I really hope die!! Your nothing but a wasters people's life! Your a taker...you take EVERYTHING you can take from people and treat them like shit for it. JUST FUCK YOU!! I have nothing more to say!
I hope people at my school is happy I'm gone, since that what they always wanted! And I hope they fell guilt! I hope they fell like they fucked up...I hope they fell pain!! Only if they knew what it felt like...they probably wouldn't have done what they did. But ill get them...ill fuck with there life!!
And I don't think they really thought I would kill myself. I think they though I was weak and wasn't gonna do it...that a weak person wouldn't do it! But I'm gone now, and probably made there life better.
