All good things : a Benzo fanfiction

The Pancakes

I wake up with a cold sweat running down my spine. The dreams are getting better, not so vivid - not so... Accurate.
Enzo is lying next to me, his hand seemingly embedded in my side. I remember when we used to sleep like this, hand in hand, lips still partly connected. I don't wake him - I always loved watching him sleep. Instead I try to lie still, his deep breaths soothing me. Maybe we can get back to the way it was... But I doubt it.
         
               "Morning BonBon" Enzo says with that sexy grin he does so well.
"Good morning" I reply, it feels wrong to live a normal, flirtatious life with him. I don't deserve happiness after what I did - so I am going to make sure I do not have it, no matter how much I want it.

               He makes breakfast, pancakes with two blueberries as eyes and whipped cream as a mouth just like... Just like he made them... Just like he made them when we were trapped in the prison world. I begin to cry - again - he couldn't have possibly known. It's not his fault, but I can't help feeling that this is going to be my punishment. That I am forever to be tortured by the memory of him. Enzo notices this immediately and must know exactly why I am upset, because he swiftly removes the pancakes from sight and pulls me into an embrace. He asks no questions, and I am grateful for that. This is not something I want to talk about.
             
                The pancakes were substituted for a simple bowl of porridge - not as sweet as I remember it. Everything has been different since it happened - life looks like it has a film over it, my hearing is muffled on and off. I suppose grief does that to a person. A shame, really, since I have so much of it.