Roller Coaster

Talk to Her

Ian's POV

I was worried sick about Natalie after she got home from the hospital. She refused to get out of bed, she refused to talk to me about what happened, she refused to eat anything. But Sunday night was when I finally broke down, I cried for the first time in I don't know how long.

She snapped at me, told me she didn't need babysitting when all I was doing was worrying about her. I knew she was hurting, but I don't think she realized that I had been hurting too. The baby was my kid too, he or she was half of me too.

He or she was half of me.

It was a scary feeling, to know I had created this tiny little person who would have grown into a mini version of Nat and I. It was a horrible feeling to know that that little person never got a shot at life. All that had been running through my head since the doctor said miscarriage was what I could've done.

I should've made her take the test, heck I should've bought one myself and told her to take it whether she liked it or not. I should've done something.

In reality, there wasn't really anything I could have done. I had no idea she was pregnant and neither did she. The doctor had said she was thirteen weeks, which was pretty late for a natural miscarriage, but because of the weight that fell on top of her and getting punched in the guy by a massive blocker, it was too much for the baby and the amniotic sack burst. All I could think of when she said thirteen weeks were the models of babies that her mom had at the Care Pregnancy Center. They looked like babies, they were like babies. They had fingers and toes and their own DNA and even brainwaves, they were perfect. Ever since the doctor said thirteen weeks, I couldn't get the image of a baby out of my head.

I couldn't focus on anything on Monday, I was out of it in practice in the morning and even more spaced out during both of my classes too. It wasn't a good feeling, to know that there was nothing I could've done to make things turn out differently.

"Hey, how's Nat?" Eddie asked as he came and sat next to me at the student center between my classes.

"Still hasn't gotten out of bed," I sighed.

"I can't believe that happened," he said, shaking his head, "Taylor talked to Miki this morning and the league's going to suspend the goalie and a few of the girls for the incident."

"Good," I said. He knew everything, nobody but Nat, my mom, and I knew about the baby. Natalie wanted to keep it that way too.

"Is there something else going on?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," I sighed.

"What else happened? Is she going to be alright?" he asked worriedly.

"You can't let her know I told you," I sighed after a minute.

"I won't," he said, "I just want to know what's wrong with her."

"She," I said, taking a deep breath, "She really was pregnant."

"Oh no," he said, a look of shock on his face, "She was?" 

"She was," I said, biting my lip, "The doctor said because three or four girls fell on her and because the goalie hit her with the blocker square in the stomach, it was too much."

"She must be devastated," he said quietly.

"She won't talk," I said, "I can't get her to eat or drink anything either. She's been in bed since I brought her home on Friday. My mom's been staying with us and she can't even get her to get out of bed." 

"I can't imagine how horrible she's feeling," he said, "And you, oh my God Ian, I can't imagine how you feel, good grief."

"I'm okay," I said.

"Liar," he said, "You're almost as bad at lying as Nat is."

"I feel horrible yeah, I feel bad I couldn't protect her and the baby," I replied, "I don't know what to do."

"Talk to her," he said, "She's never hurt like this before and neither have you, you both need to talk it out." 

"I don't know," I sighed, "This is different, this is something huge and something that she needs help with, like real help."

"Have Mom talk to her," he said, "I'm assuming Mom doesn't know."

"Nope," I said, "Just my mom and I."

"Have Mom go talk to her then," he said, "Seriously, she's not going to get better unless she gets help."

"I'll talk to her first, then I'll call your mom," I said, "Thanks."

"No problem," he said, "She'll be okay."

"I hope so," I sighed.

<<<

That afternoon after I got off the ice at practice, I went down to her mom's office downtown in hopes that she would be free for a few minutes, at least long enough for me to talk her into coming over and talking to Natalie. 

Her office was never busy, it was always calm, but I guess that was how it was supposed to be. It was also always quiet, no matter how hard I tried to walk in there quietly I always felt like I was too loud when I was in there. 

"Can I help you?" her receptionist asked, she was obviously new, the other lady who worked the desk at her office knew who I was. 

"I'm looking for Dr. Simmons, I'm her daughter's fiancee," he replied. 

"Oh, she's not with anyone right now, you can go in," she replied. 

I quietly knocked on the door to her small office before walking right in. 

"Oh hi Ian," Mrs. Simmons smiled, looking up from the notes she was writing, "How's Natalie doing?" 

"Not good Mrs. Simmons," I sighed, "I really think she needs you to talk to her." 

"Is there something else going on?" she asked. 

"I just think that she's depressed again," I said, trying to figure out how to hint that it was more than just a concussion and a few bruised ribs without telling her the news. 

"And you don't think you can get her out of it?" he asked. 

"She doesn't want to talk to me," I said quietly, "If she doesn't talk to you by the end of the week, can you please call her?" I asked. 

"Of course Ian," she said, "Are you sure there isn't more to this?" 

"It's not for me to talk about, all due respect Mrs. Simmons, she needs to tell you herself," I said. 

"I'll make sure she calls," she said, "Are you okay Ian?" 

"I'll be fine," I replied, walking back out the door. 

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