30 Years Can Go By (Sequel to 60 Ways-ParentLock-BBC Sherlock)

Chapter Fifteen

I'm sorry! I know this chapter is terrible but I had writers block, and I considered delaying the update until I could think of something better. But, even though I enjoy writing this, I want to finish it so I can move onto new things.

There will be two or three more chapters after this one, then I have to study for finals and then I'll start posting again in the summer!

Vomment and fan

-BB

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Chapter 15

We were riding in the back of a cab. It was raining again and John was looking out the window thoughtfully.

We were coming home from Hamish's thirty-fifth birthday celebration.

It was painful to watch him grow up so fast but it was wonderful to see the excellent man he had become.

I looked back at John and suddenly had an idea.

I tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned to me, I pressed my lips against his.

At first he seemed really shocked, but then he caught on. I felt him smile a bit against my lips.

I had no doubt in my mind that the cab driver was feeling very awkward or violated, as we were old and gay men making out in the back of his cab.

I stopped and smiled. "Number seven."

"Yeah, Sherlock. I know," John said, resting his head on my shoulder.

I took his hand in mine and we rode the rest of the way back to Baker Street in silence.

When we pulled onto the street I made eye contact with John and didn't brake it. I gave him a small smirk.

As we pulled over to the curb, John and I pretended we didn't notice and just kept looking at each other. We were trying to see what would make the guy lose his patience with us.

He cleared his throat and told us how much money we owed him.

"Just a second," John sighed dreamily. I had to try really hard to refrain from laughter.

"The meter's running," the cabby said, sounding aggravated.

John kissed me again.

"Oh, for God's sake, we are right outside your house! Why can't you go inside and do that?" He yelled, reaching his braking point.

John chuckled. "Relax mate, it was just a joke. Here's your money and we'll get off your hands."

The man looked embarrassed that he had been fooled into thinking that we still thought we were some young hopelessly in love, affectionate couple.

Which we were - apart from the young part - but not when there were people around, usually.

We went back into the flat. There were no pressing matters to take care of and we only had a season of Doctor Who left. We had taken a break for a while because the plot became confusing to John.

We had picked it back up last week and now we were so close to crossing that item off of our list.

I felt like we rushing it though. Doing those things made it seem like it was okay for me to die and I was definitely not okay with dying. But it wasn't something that I could control. I'd been coughing even more lately and I'd noticed myself getting weaker by the day. I didn't have much longer.

But I was trying my very best to forget about that. When I spent time with John, all of that went away and it was just us.

Right now, he was my salvation. When I needed to escape from the horrid reality of life, I could go to him and he would always be there. I just wished that I could do the same for him.

He was the only thing that dominated my mind. It used to be that I couldn't have just one thing to think about at any given time, but John was always an exception.

These days he was all I thought about.

What had John and I already done? What did John and I still need to do? How is John going to feel after I die? Will John move on? Will John be okay?

Those questions were always there, in the back of my head.

I could answer some of them pretty well. I knew that John was a strong man and that he'll deal with my death in a way that reflects that trait of him.

But something that always made me think twice was whether or not we had done everything together that we needed to do.

Yes, we had the bucket list, but was that enough to know whether our lives together had been fulfilled?

We'd done so many things that normal couples didn't usually do, and I loved that. I hoped John felt the same way. With his input we'd done regular things as well, but from him, I never felt like it was enough. I wanted everything from him. I loved everything about him and I wanted to make sure that he was as happy as he made me.

But I could never do that. I'm wasn't good with emotions and though I said things that seemed really deep, I could never get out what I really wanted to say.

I didn't know how to tell John that I wanted everything from him. What if he took it the wrong way? That could have ruined everything.

That was why I kept my real emotions to myself.

And I hope it didn't hurt us in the long run.

Right then that didn't matter because we were spending time together, doing something that he enjoyed. And if he enjoyed it, I enjoyed it.

All that mattered to me was John's happiness.