Harry Potter Preferences

Preference #11 - You Walk In on a Crack Ship

Harry: Since you came down with "white-girl-in-a-horror-movie" syndrome for a day, you decided taking a stroll alone in the Forbidden Forest sounded like a delightful idea. The good news was that you didn't run into any of the magical beasts you would expected to encounter. But you did witness something much worse. You heard loud snogging noises behind a tree, and you were so curious that you just had to see who it was. You saw the back of Fred's (or was it George's) head, and you decided to surprise him. "Boo," you yelled, and...the twins separated.

"Holy fuck," you screamed. You weren't much of a swearer, but you'd also never seen two twin brothers snogging each other.

"Don't tell Ron," George said nervously.

"I-I'm not telling anyone," you said. "I just want to forget that I ever saw this."

You walked away in a daze, already plotting to erase the memory from your mind.

Ron: You and Ron thought that maybe using the Room of Requirements as a make out spot after DA meetings wasn't a bad idea. But just to avoid scorn, you two waited an hour before coming back. The two of you stumbled in, giggly and horny, but the mood was killed immediately when you saw the room was already taken by Harry and....Malfoy?! They were full on rolling around in their tighty whities, making out, and probably close to having full blown sex.

"What the fuck," you and Ron simultaneously exploded as Harry and Draco looked up in shock.

Ron's face became a kaleidoscope of emotions, ranging from disgusted to terrified to angry to confused and everything in between. Meanwhile, you couldn't stop shouting "What? What? What?" in horror.

Fred: You'd managed to work your way into your year's level of potions and DADA ages ago. You had decent marks. But even when you were a sixth year, you could tell that Professor Snape was still not fond of you, to say the least. But you were tired of the dirty looks and snide comments he made about you being an American, and you decided to confront him for once and for all. So when you found out when he would be holding detention in his room, you stormed to his classroom to give him a piece of your mind. You flung the door open, not even bothering to knock, and then....

"Snape," you gasped. "Draco?! VOLDEMORT?!"

Apparently, detention had been cancelled in favour of the world's most horrifying three-way.

"(Y/L/N)," Snape shouted indignantly, although he was clearly humiliated. "What are you..."

"I'M BLIND," you screamed. "BLIND! SO MUCH WHITE! SO MUCH WHITE! WHY? WHY?!"

George:  Merlin forbid you ever have to play messenger again. Things during your fifth year were already tense, and you were sent to deliver Hagrid a message about the next meeting of Dumbledore's Army. You plodded over towards his hut, knocked and waited about ten seconds. Then you knocked again. And again. You heard murmuring and giggling, and decided to finally fling the door open. You were greeted with the sight of Hagrid bending a nude Cho Chang over a table and....oh Merlin. Oh Merlin. The three of you made awkward eye contact, before you finally just said, "Nope" and closed the door.

Neville: You went to the Room of Requirements to practice some defence spells, and you walked in on a...surprising sight to say the least. The Room had transformed into a bedroom, and Draco and Harry were spooning each other. As cute as you found it, you cleared your throat, figuring you should let them know what you'd seen.

Draco groaned. "Doesn't anybody bloody knock anymore?"

"Maybe you should have locked it," you shot back. "Secret's safe with me. I'm out."

Draco: You had a tendency to eavesdrop. So when you noticed two shadows in Snape's classroom, you pressed your ear to the door.

"I don't want to live in the shadows anymore," you heard a young, familiar voice say. "I want everyone to know that we love each other."

"That's impossible," Snape said. "You're a student, I'm a teacher. Not to mention that you're from...Gryffindor."

"Severus," the voice sobbed. "Don't you love me?"

"Of course I do, George," he started, and your mouth fell open. Professor Snape and George Weasley? This was too good to be true. You had tell anyone who would listen. But before you could spread the news, you heard the doorknob turn and you ran to hide in the shadows. Luckily, George didn't notice you lurking, and you watched him walk away, and before Snape closed the door, you saw Potter exit the broom closet. You hid until Snape closed the door, and pressed your ear to the door again.

"When are you going to tell him the truth," you heard Potter say.

"Someday," Snape said. "When the time is right."

"That needs to be soon," Potter growled. "I won't be your side hoe, Severus."

Potter was the side hoe?! It just kept getting better.

"What kind of foolish Muggle language is that," Snape barked. "I expect-"

"Oh, put a sock on it," Potter said. "You know you love it."

After some snogging noises, you heard Snape say, "I need to be alone, to think."

You immediately dashed to your hiding spot when Potter walked out, and then as he got further away, you heard Snape say "You can come out from under my desk, Ronald."

To your increasing delight, Ron Weasley crawled out and closed the door. "Ron..."

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Snape," you heard the Weasel say. "I'm just sleeping with you to get my grades up."

"...10 points from Gryffindor."

Seamus: "Damn it," you told Seamus as you were walking back to Gryffindor. "I left my stationary in Umbridge's room. Be right back." You gave him a kiss on the cheek and raced back to the room.

As you got there and opened the door, you silently observed what was in front of you: "Oh, God, Ron," Umbridge shouted. "You make me feel like a schoolgirl."

You cleared your throat and Ron's head popped up from between Umbridge's legs. "Just...forgot my stationary," you said. "Sorry to interrupt."

You quickly grabbed your things and ran for it. And based on the sounds behind you, they'd brushed you off and got back to business.